Right Working Romantic Related Learning Friendly Healthy Legal Inspirational Unfiltered

Apple Comes Right Back Around To The Tree

, , , , , , , | Related | June 30, 2022

My mom worked for a big retail company. At the time, you could get a few cents off per gallon of gas if you paid with a store gift card.

One year, just before Mother’s Day, my brother went into the store to buy a gift card for gas and stopped to talk to my mom. She very blatantly steered him toward a flower display and said how nice it would be to get a bouquet for Mother’s Day.

Brother: “Mom, will you buy my gas?”

Mom: *Jokingly* “You have a job; buy your own d*** gas!”

My brother laughed and went on his way to purchase his gift card and fill up his car. 

On Mother’s Day, Mom opened her card from him to find a [Store] gift card for $10 on which he had written, “Happy Mother’s Day. Buy your own d*** flowers.”

Consider Your Bluff Thoroughly Called

, , , , , , , , , | Learning | June 29, 2022

I am a transgender teacher. In fact, I transitioned at the school, and they were very cool with it, helping me to come out to my class and the school as a whole and giving me all the support I could ask for.

I didn’t realise how far they were willing to go for me until the headmaster relayed a conversation he had had with a parent about me.

Parent: “I don’t want my child in that teacher’s classroom!”

Headmaster: “The classes for the coming school year have already been decided. Changing things around now will isolate your child from many of his friends. Why would you want to move them now?”

Parent: “Isn’t it obvious? I don’t want that deviant teaching my son! Who knows what sick things he might do?”

Headmaster: “It’s she, and Ms. [My Name] has taught your child already this year without incident. She’s a good educator, and I won’t upheave both her classroom and your son’s education until I feel like there is sufficient reason for it.”

Parent: “Do it or we walk.”

Headmaster: “Excuse me?”

Parent: “Do it, or I’ll pull my child out of [School] and find somewhere else!”

Headmaster: *Pauses* “Would you like a recommendation?”

Parent: “What?”

Headmaster: “I know several schools in the area that [Child] would be well suited for. I can email their headmasters today if you want?”

Parent: “You don’t—”

Headmaster: “I have a waiting list pages long for every year of this school, particularly in your son’s year. Quite frankly, if we’re unable to reach an agreement today and ‘you walk,’ then you’ll be doing me a favour.”

The child remained in my class for the full year and was an excellent student.

If It’s That Big A Deal, Make Your Own Sandwich

, , , , | Related | June 28, 2022

One of my (many) chores when I was a teenager was to make sandwiches for my family after school. Today is cheese sandwiches. My dad usually has brown sauce on his cheese sandwiches, but because I’m an insecure wreck, I have to ask him every time whether or not he wants it. Nobody else wants sauce.

Me: “Daddy? Do you want brown sauce?”

Dad: “How many times do I have to tell you? Brown sauce on cheese sandwiches, no sauce on ham sandwiches!”

Me: “Okay, sorry. I was just checking…”

I finish making the sandwich and take it to my dad.

Dad: “[My Name]!”

Me: “Yeah?”

My dad has opened his sandwich to reveal the contents, and he gestures to it.

Dad: “What is this?”

Me: “Uh… Your sandwich?”

Dad: “This is orange cheese, [My Name].”

Me: “Uh-huh…”

Dad: “Why’d you put sauce on an orange cheese sandwich?”

Me: “But you said you wanted sauce on cheese sandwiches.”

Dad: “No, I want sauce on normal cheese sandwiches. Brown sauce doesn’t go with orange cheese.”

Me: “But I did ask—”

Dad: “Well, you didn’t tell me it was orange cheese, did you?”

Me: “Well, no, but—”

Dad: “So, I thought you were making normal cheese sandwiches, which are the ones where I do have brown sauce.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I didn’t realise—”

Dad: “Are you going to make me a new one or do I have to do that myself, too?”

Me: “I— Ah, I’ll make you a new one.”

As I turned to go back into the kitchen, he called me back to take the unwanted sandwich with me. Since I knew he’d sulk if I threw it away, and since I hadn’t finished making my own sandwich yet, that ended up being my sandwich. Luckily, I don’t dislike brown sauce too much; I just prefer not to have it.

That’s probably why I have anxiety.

Code “Oh, My God!”

, , , , | Healthy Related | June 28, 2022

About thirteen years ago, Dad was in the hospital recovering from surgery. He had cancer, and this was just prior to beginning chemotherapy and radiation treatments. I stopped by to visit him after work, just to check in on him and to see if he needed anything brought from home.

Dad: “You just missed all the excitement! They just called Code Blue on me.”

This means that he had stopped breathing and was unresponsive.

Me: “What? Why are you telling me this?! What happened?”

He had gotten up to go to the bathroom, and he’d managed to pull the call cord as he blacked out. He reported coming back to consciousness with a half-dozen people clustered around him. Apparently, his body had a shortage of a particular nutrient or another, so they had him on an IV to make up the shortfall.

As to why he told me this?

Dad: “I just wondered how you’d react.”

He’s fine… but his sense of humour is still terminal.

First Time In A Hotel? Part 2

, , , , , | Right | CREDIT: GreenTKa | June 27, 2022

I am working at an extended stay property as a front desk supervisor. I was newly appointed to the role, and as such, I am ambitious to prove that I can resolve EVERY guest issue. (I will later unlearn this ridiculous expectation.)

We have a family come to check-in: a middle-aged husband and wife, and three kids ranging from seven to twelve. They are here per their insurance, as they managed to burn down their house. We are prepared for their arrival, and we offer our condolences while welcoming them to their new home for the next couple of months.

Nothing seems out of the ordinary, nor do they seem like particularly entitled guests; they’re just a family down on their luck.

Time moves forward, and shifts pass without anyone seeing them. That’s not particularly unusual, since there are multiple methods to depart the elevator — and the hotel — without interacting with the front desk.

(These are my favorite kinds of guests. They stick to themselves and don’t yell at me about how many complimentary waters are required to sustain their existence while staying with us.)

One day, a strange letter is delivered in our daily mail. The return address has the family’s last name, and it is addressed for immediate opening by a manager. I shrug, and open it, thinking Manager On Duty is good enough.

What follows is the BEST complaint letter I have ever gotten. I’ve even framed it, as it was hilarious.

This family was awoken on their first night by the exclamations of two people in the throes of making love. The headboard was pounding, the moans were reverberating, and this family was traumatized.

Family: “We could not believe that two people were capable of making noises similar to that of a dying yak. We figured this would be a godly and family-friendly hotel. How dare you allow those kinds of activities to happen within the earshot of children?! We will send you a bill for the therapy our poor children will have to endure after this.”

They did, in fact, send and attempt to sue the property over the money for a therapist. The case was dropped, as our legal team had to explain that sexual intercourse does, in fact, happen at hotels — frequently.

What gets me is that they never complained to us that night. They just packed up and shipped out.

Related:
First Time In A Hotel?