One of our friends in the online gamer group just became a new dad.

Gamer Friend: “Hey, [New Dad], you down for the new campaign this weekend?”

New Dad: “I’ll try, but no commitments.”

Gamer Friend: “Nooo, you gotta commit! It’s endgame content, and we need everybody!”

New Dad: “You know my wife gave birth two days ago, right?”

Gamer Friend: “Exactly! You’ve known that baby two days, you’ve known us ten years!”

New Dad: “…bruh.”

We gamed that weekend without [New Dad]. [Gamer Friend] was sour about it, and when we didn’t rank high in the new campaign, he blamed all babies in general…

I’m working in a very busy bookstore on a Saturday. A teenage girl is working her way through the fiction section while her bored-looking mother is following behind.

Mother: “Are you going to buy all of those?!”

Teenager: “It’s my birthday money; I can spend it on what I want.”

Mother: “You can’t get some new clothes?”

Teenager: “I might get a comfy sweater to wear for winter.”

Mother: “Ugh…”

The mother looks at me, hoping to find some support.

Mother: “Do people even like books?!”

Me: “Uh… ma’am? It’s pretty crowded in here.”

Mother: “So?”

Me: “So… that would imply that yes, people do like books.”

Mother: *Sighs.* “Do you sell magazines?”

Me: “We do, closer to the front, near the registers.”

Mother: *To her daughter.* “I’ll be waiting up front near the register. Try not to buy the whole store.”

The mother wanders off to the front, and the daughter gives me an apologetic look.

Teenager: “Sorry about her.”

Me: “Don’t be. Not everyone is a reader.”

Teenager: “Yeah, but she’d rather I spend all my birthday money on clothes and makeup and try to be pretty.”

Me: “I overheard you say you would get a sweater?”

Teenager: “Yup, something comfortable to read in!”

She checked out with fifteen books. The cashier gave her a sneaky staff discount, so I’m sure she had enough birthday money left to get a comfy reading sweater…

A few years ago, I (let’s say my name is Cara for this story) was staying with a dear friend when her parents came to visit for the weekend. That night, the three of us cracked open a box of wine, started playing cards, and talked and kept going until almost 0100. I finally staggered off to bed thinking: “Wow, I hope I have that kind of energy when I’m their age!”

The next morning at 0830 in the kitchen with a much-needed coffee, I told my friend:

Me: “Your parents are fantastic, but they have way more energy than I do.”

She burst out laughing and filled me in on the morning’s confessions:

At 0730, her dad came down for coffee and said:

Friend’s Dad: “I finally had to get some sleep last night; your mother and Cara were chatting up a storm, and I couldn’t stay awake for another second!”

At 0800, it was her mom who came in and reported:

Friend’s Mom: “I was completely exhausted, but your dad and Cara were having such an intense conversation I didn’t want to be rude and leave!”

It turns out that probably none of us wanted to still be awake at 0100! We had spent the entire night trapped in a polite game of chicken, each waiting for someone else to surrender first.

CONTENT WARNING: Death of a pet

My grandmother is a hundred years old with dementia (thankfully the sweet and “adorable” kind). My mom visits her nearly every day, and she would always ask her about me and our dog as a pair. She loves dogs, and latched onto the fact that I do too, so most of our conversations are about the joys of having dogs. Sadly, though, our dog suddenly died a few months ago, and her questions changed to when we’d get our next dog and how everyone should have a dog.

She announced to everyone she wanted to come with us to pick out a new dog, and would remind us to bring her during visits. Given she’s frail and has limited mobility and energy, going to the local humane societies would be too big of a trip for her to handle. Even scenic drives are big excursions for her these days. Still, we were trying to figure out a good compromise to fulfill the desire to see dogs (likely her main motive for wanting to go).

Due to some health issues, my mom wasn’t able to visit her for most of this month. This is the longest stretch she’s been without seeing her outside of going on vacations, and she finally felt well enough to visit her again yesterday.

Me: “So how was your first visit to Mimi?”

Mom: “Good! She was great today. And we apparently have a dog now!”

Me: “What?”

Mom: “She thinks she went with us to the humane society and picked out a dog. She was talking all about how she had a great time.”

Me: “…Well, guess that’s one problem solved. So, what kind of dog did we get?”

Mom: *Laughing.* “I don’t know! She didn’t say, and I couldn’t think of a way to ask without making her realize we don’t have one and start asking to go again!”

Well, here’s hoping that whatever dog we eventually get matches her “memories”.

I think I got this from a TV show, but I told my girls that the ice cream truck only played music when it was out of ice cream…

One day my sister asked her nieces:

Sister: “Oh, I hear the ice cream truck! Who wants some ice cream?!”

My oldest daughter turned to my sister and told her in a corrective tone:

Daughter: “Aunt [Sister’s Name], everyone knows the trucks only play music when they’re all out of ice cream…”

The look on her face as she stared at me, realizing what I had done, was pretty classic.

A few years later, my sister had kids of her own, and this time it’s my turn to hear the ice cream truck and ask my niece and nephew:

Me: “Who wants some ice cream?!”

Niece: “Aunt [My Name], everyone knows that’s the fish truck. They don’t sell ice cream…”

I can imagine the look on my face as I stared at my sister was similar to how she looked back then…