To Sleep, Perchance To Dream Of Sleeping

, , , , , | Right | April 4, 2019

(I’m nineteen, but I look no more than sixteen. I run a cash register in a department store. A young mother pushing a stroller comes up to make her purchase. Her child, roughly a year old, is sound asleep in the stroller.)

Me: “Boy, I’d love to be doing that, myself.”

Woman: *look of shock and disgust* “Having KIDS?!”

Me: “Sleeping.”

Woman: “Oh.”

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Piercing Observation, Part 6

, , , , | Right | January 27, 2019

(Not all regulars are good customers. We have one who comes in twice a week and seems to pick someone each day to try to aggravate. Yesterday was the coworker involved in this story. I’m the receptionist, and today it is my turn! I am thirty.)

Me: “Bora da; good morning.”

Customer: “You’ve got something on your nose.”

Me: *wiping my nose* “Oh, it’s probably pen; I get it everywhere.”

Customer: “It’s purple and sticking out!”

(Realising she is talking about my nose piercing, I know exactly what is coming.)

Me: “Haha, that just my piercing…”

Customer: “Ugh. I don’t know why you have something like that in your face.”

Me: “I have a couple of piercings. This one is actually my favourite.”

Customer: *making faces* ”Ooh, I think they are disgusting. I don’t understand permanently ruining your face.”

Me: “Actually, piercings heal over if—“

Customer: “Young girls like you don’t need it. It’s ugly. I’ll never understand. Never understand.”

Me: “It’s all personal choice. I like them so have them. You don’t like them, so don’t—“

(At this point my co-worker had come to the front desk to listen to what’s being said. The customer interrupts and starts gesturing at her)

Customer: *to [Coworker]* “You’ll understand. It’s a generational thing. Piercings and tattoos are disgusting!”

Coworker: “My daughter just got her nose pierced, I think she looks beautiful.”

Customer: “I don’t understand why you would allow that. Ugh, it’s horrible.”

Coworker: “I have tattoos and piercings, too.”

Customer: “WHAT! You?!”

Coworker: “Oh, yeah! From the neck down! I even have one on my foot.”

Customer: *again making disgusted expressions* “What is it?”

Coworker: “That one is very meaningful actually. My daughter died when she was young and it’s in her memory.”

Customer: “Ugh! You don’t need that. You carry her memory in your heart.”

Me & Coworker: *together* “And on her foot!”

(At this point [Customer] decided it was a losing the battle and left. Oh, well. See you next week, lovely, lovely regular!)

Piercing Observation, Part 3
Piercing Observation, Part 4
Piercing Observation, Part 5

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That Scam Died

, , , , | Right | January 25, 2019

(My dad owned an independent gas station. When he passed away, I ended up taking it over and running it. In comes a man that anyone in retail can identify as a troublemaker. He comes up to my register.)

Customer: “Hey, I’m a good friend of [Dad], and he always gives me a discount on my gas.”

(All professional pleasantry drains from my face and I give him an ice-cold look.)

Me: “You’re a liar. Please leave.”

Customer: “How dare you call me a liar! You just lost your job, little lady!”

Me: “First of all, I own this gas station, so no, I won’t be losing my job. Second of all, [Dad] was my father. Third of all, my father died four years ago, and all of his friends attended his funeral. So, no, you are NOT his friend and you will NOT be getting a discount.”

(He flashed between red and white a few times, and then fled. I haven’t seen him since.)

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Most Men Can Achieve That Part-Time

, , , , | Related | January 22, 2019

(When my father was working, he couldn’t stand to be away from the office for more than a week. When he retired, I asked him what he’d do with all this free time:)

Father: “I don’t know. Maybe I’ll stay home and annoy your mother full time.”

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Chocolate And Liters Go Well Together

, , , , , | Related | January 21, 2019

(My mom, my brother, and I are all avid bakers, so when we’re all home and we’re cooking for the holidays, we go all out. Not everyone in our extended family celebrates Christmas, but everyone is coming to my aunt’s holiday party, so we decide to make a yule log cake, among other things. We’ve finished baking the cake and rolling it with almond cream.)

Mom: “Okay, the cake is rolled up, so we’re going to let it set in the fridge for a couple of hours. After that, the only thing left to do is to cover the whole thing in about a liter of chocolate ganache.”

Brother: “That. That is an excellent sentence. Please use that sentence more often.”

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