Seven Sons For Seven Burgers

, , | Right | November 3, 2009

Customer: “You seem a bit slow. Is this your first day?”

Me: “Actually, it is. I’m sorry if I held you up.”

Customer: “No problem. You’ll get the hang of it. I should know. I have seven sons, and they all work at fast food places just like you.”

Me: “Oh, that’s nice!”

Customer: “No, it’s not. It’s pathetic and disappointing!”

 

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Now Accepting Cash, Checks, And Fingerpaint

, , , | Right | October 15, 2009

(A customer walks up to my register with her two-year-old sitting in the child seat of her cart.)

Customer: “I have these two coupons I’d like to use.”

Me: “I’m sorry, you can only use one coupon.”

Customer: “Okay, then I’ll buy this separately.”

(The customer separates a large pillar candle from her other purchases and puts one of the coupons on top.)

Me: “Actually, we can only take one coupon per customer per day.”

Customer: *completely serious* “I’m not buying it, she’s buying it!” *gestures to her two-year-old*

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Cash For Baby Bumpers

, , , , | Right | September 3, 2009

(I hear glass shattering from the back of the store, near the wine department. As I head to the source of the sound, I hear a second shatter and see a small child in a cart reaching for a third wine bottle to pull off the rack. There’s no sign of a parent around.)

Me: “Stop that!”

(I grab the cart and pull it away from the wine racks. Suddenly, the absent parent shows up.)

Customer: “How dare you touch that cart! My child is in that cart! How dare you touch my child without my permission!”

Me: “Ma’am, your child has broken two bottles of wine and was about to break a third bottle. I just saved you another $12.99.”

Customer: “Saved me? You’re the one trying to kidnap my child!”

Me: “Ma’am, you already owe me $26 for what happened when you were not watching your own child.”

Customer: “If you’re going to charge me money for bringing my child into the store, I should just let you take him!”

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Better Off Popular

, , , | Right | February 23, 2009

(I am a lifeguard and jumped in to help a boy who had wandered into deep water. This interaction happens with his mother after I help the boy out of the water.)

Mother: *running over* “What happened?!”

Me: “Everything is OK, ma’am. Your son just went too deep into the water. He should be fine.”

Mother: “Well, why the h*** did you help him?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Mother: “Why did you have to jump in and help him?”

Me: “Well, ma’am, it’s my job, and your son was having trouble swimming–”

Mother: *interrupting* “You idiot! You embarrassed my son in front of everyone! Don’t you think you should have thought about how embarrassing that must have been for a little boy?!”

Me: “Actually, no I didn’t think about that. I was more concerned about your son drowning than him being embarrassed.”

Mother: “That’s ridiculous! Why the h*** would you ever be more concerned about THAT?!”

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