Makes You Want To Answer In Your Outdoor Voice

| Right | September 22, 2015

(This usually happens at least six or seven times per day:)

Me: “Hello, Indoor Paintball. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Hello is this Indoor Paintball?”

Me: “…Yes, it is. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah, I just wanted to know if your field is indoors.”

Me: “…Yes, it is.”

Caller: “Oh… okay, thanks.” *click*

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The Sweet Smell Of Savings

, | Right | October 3, 2011

(A customer comes to my window and I help him get his entry and equipment rentals. I also give him a coupon for his next visit.)

Me: “Here is a coupon for $5 off your next visit.”

(The customer starts to scratch the coupon.)

Customer: “What’s it do?”

Me: “Sir, it’s not scratch and sniff. It gets you $5 off you next visit.”

(He scratches the coupon with more force, then smells it.)

Customer: “I don’t smell anything. What’s it do?”

Me: “It’s a $5 off coupon for your next visit.”

(The customer scratches the coupon some more.)

Customer: “Ugh! I don’t understand. I scratch it and it doesn’t smell like anything. What does it do?!”

Me: “The next time you come back, you bring this with you and you save $5 on your entry.”

Customer: “Oh, so it doesn’t smell like anything?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “And I save $5 on my next visit?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Oh, I’m from out of state, so, no thank you!”

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*Sigh*, They Grow Up So Slow…

, , | Right | September 3, 2009

(A customer slams open the door to our indoor paintball field and storms in, shouting.)

Customer: “Where’s the manager?!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m the owner. What is the problem?”

Customer: “I saw on your web site that you require a parental consent for kids to play at your field. Well, I never signed one, and my son said he’d been playing paintball here. He has bumps and bruises all over him, and I NEVER signed a consent form!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. He must have forged your name or had another adult sign for him. What’s his name? I’ll find the consent form.”

Customer: “His name is [Son].”

(I find his form and show it to her.)

Me: “Is this your son’s form?”

Customer: “Yes! See, I never signed it!”

Me: “Ma’am, your son is 27 years old. Only children are required to have a parent’s signature to play.”

Customer: “But he is a child! He’s my child!”

Me: “I’m sorry, let me rephrase that. Only children under the age of 18 need to have a parent’s signature to play. Since your son is 27, he can sign for himself that he understands all of the risks involved.”

Customer: “This is insane! He could get his eye shot out, or be knocked out, or killed! This is illegal! I’m calling the police!”

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Refs -2, Player -4,530,503

, , , | Right | April 13, 2009

(I work at an outdoor paintball field where the referees wear bright orange to differentiate ourselves from the players. Standing on the field, I start getting shot at. Patiently, I move and continue watching the game.)

Player: *to Coworker* “Ref! Ref! I shot that dude in the orange and he won’t get out!”

Coworker: “That’s because he’s a referee. Notice the orange?”

Player: “Oh… okay, so check THIS guy! I just shot him, too!”

Coworker: “That is ALSO a ref.”

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