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Pick One: Your Wife Or Your Wi-fi

, , , , | Right | September 18, 2017

(This is observed by my father while checking into a hotel. The desk clerk happens to be female, and another guest checking in ahead of my dad is male.)

Desk Clerk: “Here’s your keycard, sir.” *starts writing something on the inside of the paper sleeve*

Customer: “Please, don’t do that.”

Desk Clerk: “I’m sorry, sir?”

Customer: “Just don’t. I’m a married man, and I have no intentions of cheating on my wife.”

(There’s a bit of back and forth before the clerk is finally able to get out:)

Desk Clerk: “Sir, this is the password for the Wi-Fi.”

(The customer turned beet red, thanked the clerk, and left.)

That Escalated Quickly

, , , , | Right | September 7, 2017

(The teller next to me is very popular with customers and they sometimes get lost in conversation with her.)

Customer: “So, our barn cat had a litter and they’re just as precious as can be.”

Coworker & Me: “Awww!”

Customer: “Yup, we’re working on giving them away but…”

(I tune him out to help a couple of customers myself. When I come back…)

Customer: “…so they arrested my mom again, even though the neighbors had stolen every last thing out of her house! And that’s why I need to cash the check, to get her out.”

This story is part of the Overheard roundup!

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They’re Really Big Down Under

, , , , | Working | August 22, 2017

(There are two women I’ve never met who work in cubicles across the aisle from me. They sit at their desks and call to one another through the partitions constantly, which results not only in me knowing far more about their personal lives than I ever cared to, but also some unintended hilarity like this.)

Coworker #1: “Oh, oh, have you tried them yet?”

Coworker #2: “Yes! Well, I tried one.”

Coworker #1: “I really like the long ones. I didn’t like the big ones as much. Where are they from?”

Coworker #2: “Australia? Or New Zealand? Something like that. I haven’t tried the big one yet.”

(No, I don’t know what they were talking about, but probably not what it sounded like!)

Needs Some Cuddle Context

, , , , , , | Working | February 2, 2017

(We’re slow so I’m standing in the dining room chatting to the waitress. She only has one table who’s been pretty cool most of their stay, joking with us whenever they have something to input. I’m currently showing my coworker pictures of my cat, which I’m known to do often. As I’m showing her the last one, the guy from the table waves as though he wants something.)

Coworker: *as she’s walking towards their table* “You always take pictures of her on your bed.”

Me: “But that’s where we always cuddle.”

(I can’t see the girl’s face as she’s facing away from me, but she must have been making a horrified face.)

Coworker: *looking at the table* “We’re talking about her cat.”

Girl: “Oh…”

Guy: *laughing out loud* “Your face was priceless!”

This story is part of our Cuddle roundup!

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Automatic Tease Machine?

, | Friendly | February 21, 2016

(I overhear two customers, and mistake them as part of the same conversation.)

Customer #1: “What’s intersex?”

Customer #2: “It’s when you take money out of an ATM!”