Love Is In The Mix

, , , | Romantic | December 7, 2011

(I’m meeting my boyfriend on a pier to watch the Fourth of July fireworks. It’s a very popular location in a predominately Hispanic neighborhood. Though I don’t look very Hispanic, I am. My boyfriend is Nordic. An old man starts talking to my boyfriend before I find him.)

Old man: “There sure are a lot of people here today, aren’t there?”

Boyfriend: “Yeah, well, it’s the Fourth of July.”

Old man: “There are a lot of them Hispanics, too, aren’t there?”

Boyfriend: “I guess?”

Old man: “The women are nice to look at, aren’t they? You know, you can look, that’s fine. But you can’t marry them. Imagine if you had mixed children with them! They’re taking over our country!”

Boyfriend: “Actually, my girlfriend is Hispanic.”

Old man: “Well, sleeping with them is fine. Just don’t marry them or have kids with them!”

(My boyfriend is speechless. I find him and walk up. He wraps his arms around me and kisses me sweetly.)

Boyfriend: *to me “Hi, my dear. I missed you.” *to the old man* “This is my girlfriend.”

Old man: “She looks like a nice white girl.”

Boyfriend: “Actually, she’s half Puerto Rican. She’s one of those ‘mixed children’.”

(He keeps his arms around me, clearly indicating that we’re not just ‘sleeping together’. He stalks off, mumbling about mixed children and Hispanics.)

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In-Tent Is Lacking

, , , , | Right | February 16, 2011

Me: “[Campgrounds], how can I help you?”

Customer: “Do you have any places available?”

Me: “Yes, we have sites open. What kind are you looking for?”

Customer: “I want to go camping.”

Me: “Do you want water and electricity or just a plain site?”

Customer: “Just a site.”

Me: “Okay, so we’ll see you this weekend. I just need your name and I’ll reserve it.”

Customer: “Do you have the houses with zippers?”

Me: “You mean a tent?”

Customer: “Yeah, the house with a zipper. Do you have them?”

Me: “No, you bring your own.”

Customer: “Oh. Do you know where I can get one?”

(I list a few generic stores.)

Customer: “Okay, thank you. Do you have water?”

Me: “No, your site doesn’t have a water hook-up. You can fill up at any site not being used.”

Customer: “What can I fill up?”

Me: “A water bottle, a pail, or anything.”

Customer: “Do you have coolers for us?”

Me: “No, you have to bring your own.”

Customer: “Where can I get one?”

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North Of The Moral Border

, , , , , , , | Right | February 4, 2010

(A mother approaches me, violently dragging her two teenage boys along.)

Mother: “I demand you call the police immediately and have them arrest those ‘flashers’ at once!”

(She motions to the two topless girls on the beach.)

Me: “Actually, here in Ontario, it’s legal for women to go topless. Are you not from around here?”

Mother: “I am from America where we have morals and standards. You people sicken me! They are far too young to be doing that!”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, but there is technically no age limit on the law. It applies the same as it does to your sons.”

Mother: “Is there not a family section for decent people to enjoy the beach without these sick perverts exposing themselves to everyone?”

Me: “Again, I apologize, but it’s not about the beach. It’s legal for women of any age to go topless anywhere outdoors they please… same as men.”

Mother: “I will sue this whole country for punitive damages! My sons will be scarred for life!”

(Her sons are clearly scarred, as they are staring at the topless girls with huge grins on their faces. All of a sudden, three more topless girls walk past. She attempts to cover both her sons’ eyes with her hands.)

Mother: “Heathens! You will all burn in Hell! Sinners and perverts, that’s all you Canadians are!”

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Once A Marine, Always A Marine

| Friendly | November 11, 2009

(Editor’s Note: To commemorate Veteran’s Day, we’re resurfacing this story. It was originally posted on August 2, 2014.)

(I am a bookseller working toward a teaching credential. While I am not exactly poor, my pay is not stellar, and it is occasionally a stretch for me to manage loans and bills. While walking home from work, I see a middle-aged man asking for money on the corner. He appears to be a veteran. I scrounge around in my purse for change and only find a penny, but I walk up to him, anyway.)

Me: “Hey. I’m one of those jerks who doesn’t carry a lot of cash. So, this is all I have. I hope it helps.”

(I press the penny into the palm of the veteran’s hand. He looks at me. When he speaks, I can tell that he’s not all there, but he sounds genuine.)

Veteran: “You know what? If that’s all you have, then take this.”

(To my amazement, he presses a one dollar bill into my palm. I shake my head and try to give it back to him.)

Me: “No. You need it more than I do.”

Veteran: “You know what? Take it. I was in the Marines. And my job was to protect this country. And help poor people.”

(Overcome with emotion, I impulsively salute at the veteran. He immediately snaps into a military salute in response. I thank him and start walking again, and he calls after me.)

Veteran: “Hey! Don’t you be spending that on alcohol, now!”

Me: “I won’t, sir!”

(True to my word, I converted the dollar into quarters for laundry, which I desperately needed to do. It really goes to show how some people, even in their greatest hours of need, will still go out of their way to help others out. Wherever you are now, sir, thank you – and to everyone else, please remember to support your troops, since many of them, after the fight, will need all the love they can get.)

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