Ignorant On The Immigrant

| Friendly | March 3, 2014

(I am an Indonesian-British mix who recently moved to Sydney. I look more obviously Caucasian and I was raised in an international lifestyle so my accent is very neutral. I am making small talk outdoors.)

Stranger: *walks out behind me* “Hey, you!”

Me: “Yes? Can I help you?”

Stranger: “I heard you talking back there. Are you new here?”

Me: “Yeah, I just moved here last month.”

Stranger: “Cool! If you want I can show you around. You are the first American exchange student I’ve met. California?”

Me: “I’m actually from Indonesia.”

Stranger: “Get back on your f****** boat!”

Me: *taken aback* “What?”

Stranger: “You and your f****** kind keep coming over here and taking our jobs and rubbing in your Islam s***! We don’t want you! That’s why we keep sending you back to your s***hole country! I bet you’re illegal!”

Me: “I assure you I have a visa, and stop yelling at me!”

Stranger: “I can say whatever since you’re in my country!”

Me: “Americans aren’t from Australia, yet you seemed excited when you thought I was one. Is having an American with your job better than having an Indonesian?”

Stranger: *pauses for a second* “Well, it’s my country and I can CHOOSE WHO I WANT!” *runs off while giving me the finger*

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A Fish Out Of Agua

| Related | March 2, 2014

(We’re in Puerto Rico for the day on vacation. None of us speak Spanish, though my father fancies himself an expert because he read a ‘learn Spanish on your own’ book several years ago that focused on Castilian Spanish.)

Father: *snootily* “They don’t speak proper Spanish here!”

Mother: “He’s been here five minutes and he’s already telling the natives how to speak their language.”

(A few hours later, we see a sign my sister is curious about.)

Sister: “Hey, Dad, what does this sign say?”

Father: “I don’t know.” *walks away*

(He couldn’t even translate the first word: ‘agua,’ meaning water!)

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Not A Magical Movie Ending

| Romantic | February 15, 2014

(I have had left the office with my boyfriend who has come to pick me up. I enjoy Hindi movies while my boyfriend loathes them. I’ve been feeling rather down because I screwed up at work. My boyfriend has been trying to cheer me up, to no avail.)

Me: “You know what would really cheer me up right now and make me feel better?”

Boyfriend: “What?”

Me: “A nice Hindi movie that’s just been released in the theatres. We can go catch it now and I’ll feel better.”

Boyfriend: *considering the idea* “Will it really cheer you up?”

Me: “Yeah. A Hindi movie would cheer me up right now.”

Boyfriend: “Well, there’s no way in h*** you’ll get me to watch a Hindi movie! I hope you enjoy being miserable.”

(Nonetheless, his comment made me laugh and surprisingly made me feel better!)

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Have You Not Heard The News?

| Friendly | February 14, 2014

(In our close knit community, newly married couples almost always start a family right away. So when a couple has been married several years with no children, we assume this is unintentional and we worry about them. I run into a friend and her husband on a street corner.)

Friend #1: “Have you seen [Friend #2] yet?”

Me: “No, I haven’t.”

Friend #1: *excitement coloring her voice* “You have to see [Friend #2]!”

Me: “Really?! That’s great news!”

Friend #1: “I know. I was so excited, I was practically jumping for joy!”

(Meanwhile, my friend’s husband is standing there laughing at us for sharing news without actually sharing news. Sure enough, when I saw Friend #2 later that night, she was quite obviously expecting!)

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Order Up A Hot Slice Of Irony

| Friendly | February 10, 2014

(My friend and I are walking around town to get some food. There is an eye care place on the street that we are on.)

Friend: *laughs* “What do they serve at the eye cafe?”

Me: “That says ‘care’ not ‘cafe.'”

Friend: “Oh…”

Me: “Yeah. Maybe you should go in while I get the food.”

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