The Jokes Should Move To Pastures New

| Related | November 6, 2013

(My dad and I love bad puns and cheesy jokes. We are talking with my younger sister about the possible whereabouts of some cows we had seen earlier.)

Sister: “Oh, where are the cows we saw earlier?”

Me: “Maybe they mooved?”

Dad: “Maybe they are cowering in a corner.”

Me: “Dad! Don’t milk it!”

Sister: “Oh no, please stop.”

Me: “Sorry, have you herd these all before?”

Sister: “Please stop; this is so embarrassing.”

Me: “Can I not tell an udder one?”

Dad: “How are you coming up with all of these?”

Me: “Because I am legen-dairy!”

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Hopefully It’s Smooth Sailing From Here On

| Right | November 6, 2013

(I work at a canoe centre. We occasionally get people complaining about things they don’t like; we have a feedback form for this. A couple walks in, looking angry.)

Me: “Hi! Did you enjoy your day?”

Customer #1: “No, it was horrible!”

Me: “Oh, okay, well if you want to fill in the feedback form about why, that’d be helpful. Can I ask why?”

Customer #2: “Well, we got wet of course!”

Me: “But you went canoeing on a river?”

Customer #1: “Yes, but you should have told us we could get wet!”

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The Truth Shall Set You Pee

| Related | November 3, 2013

(My family and my sister’s family are sitting outside at a cottage. My four-year-old son and my nephew are playing by the swing set, when we see them peeing in the grass. They are called over.)

Husband: “[Son], did you just pee in the grass?”

Son: “No.”

Husband: “Are you telling the truth?”

Son: “Well, actually, I’m keeping the truth a secret.”

(We all have a very hard time holding back our laughter!)

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About To Take A Back-Seat In This Relationship

| Romantic | November 1, 2013

(Note that I’m Filipino, and this is our second date. My date and I are crossing a street when a car suddenly makes a left and cuts in front of us with maybe half a foot to spare. As the car speeds off, my boyfriend turns to me, shocked.)

Date: “The driver wasn’t even Asian!”

(I am obviously annoyed by this, but his thought isn’t finished…)

Date: “…or a woman!”

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Adopting A Sense Of Humor, Part 4

| Related | October 31, 2013

(I am 18. My mother, our neighbor, and I are walking home from a show. I look NOTHING like my mother, and am basically a carbon copy of my dad. We run into a woman our neighbor knows and start to talk to her. Half way through the conversation, she gives my mother and me an odd look.)

Woman: “How do you two know [Neighbor]?”

Mom: “We live in the same building.”

Woman: “Oh… wait, are you two… related?!”

Me: “Yes, she’s my mom.”

(The woman gives us another confused look.)

Mom: “She’s adopted.”

Me: “NO I’M NOT!”

Mom: “[My Name], it’s just easier this way…”

 

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