Breaking From The Proposal Script

, | Romantic | June 13, 2012

(I have been thinking of proposing to my girlfriend for quite some time, but not nearly as long as she has been ready and waiting for said proposal. I finally arrive at the perfect way to propose. I take her to a romantic comedy that involves a very romantic marriage proposal. I know it will almost certainly get her started on the subject of marriage. After the film, we are walking out to the car in the parking lot.)

Me: “So, did you enjoy the film?”

Girlfriend: “Yes and no.”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Girlfriend: “Well, it was a fun film. But it reminds me of how a proposal like that will never happen for me. I swear I’ll go to the grave without ever seeing you down on one knee and holding out a ring to me.”

Me: “Oh, yeah? Well, what if I were to reach into my pocket and pull out a ring-box right now?”

Girlfriend: *scoffs* “Yeah right! Like that would happen!”

(I drop to one knee and pull a ring-box from my pocket.)

Me: “Well? Will you?”

(She shrieks in near-hysteria, which causes several other film-goers to stop and stare. She all but rips the ring-box from my hand. She opens it and finds it empty.)

Me: *smirking at her horrified expression* “What? I said ring-box! I never said anything about an actual ring!”

(She snaps the box shut, and shouts a number of obscenities. I reach up with my other hand to stop her; showing that the exact ring she had been ogling and drooling over.)

Me: “Honey, please! I surrender! I’m sorry! Seriously, will you? Please?”

Girlfriend: “Oh, my God! You are such an a**hole! But yes! Yes, you a**hole! Yes!”

(I get up from kneeling and reach out to embrace her in front of the now cheering crowd.)

Me: “I guess that makes you Mrs. A**hole!”

(Twelve years and three kids later, they still refer to each other as Mr. & Mrs. A**hole.)

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Lovebites

| Romantic | June 11, 2012

(My boyfriend and I at a campground. It’s twilight, and we are sitting outside. There are mosquitoes
everywhere at this time of the year.)

Me: “Ah!”

Boyfriend: *shouting* “Did you get bit?”

Me: “Yes. Oh, the agony.”

Boyfriend:I will hunt down every single mosquito on this earth until I find the one who did this to you!”

Neighboring male camper, two lots over: “He’s a keeper!”

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The Ultimate Pick-Me-Up

| Romantic | May 26, 2012

(I am out for a walk with my boyfriend, near my mum’s house. He suggests we have a look around the church that my parents got married in. Having had a quick look round we are about to leave and I turn around, to see him on one knee.)

Boyfriend: *holding out closed box* “Will you marry me?”

Me: *incomprehensible shrieking*

Boyfriend: “I take it that’s a yes?”

Me: “Yes, of course!”

(He opens the ring box, only to find he’s been holding it upside down. The ring falls out and rolls away. I find it, pick it up and put it on.)

Boyfriend: “When we tell people how romantic this was, can we leave that bit out?”

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A Rehearsal Reversal

, | Romantic | May 19, 2012

(My uncle, the baby in his family, is finally getting married. The whole thing takes place on Orcas Island, which meant we all had to take ferries over from the mainland. My grandmother, his mother, is notoriously bad at finding the right train/bus/boat to get her wherever she needs to go, and sure enough, she lets on the wrong ferry and now has to take a much later one. As a result, she is missing the rehearsal dinner.)

Dinner Guest: “Where’s [Uncle]? Cold feet already?”

Bride: “He had to go pick up his mom from the ferry. There was some confusion about the ferry schedule, I think, but they should be back soon.”

Dinner Guest: “Well, I don’t know if I’d want to marry a man who missed his own rehearsal dinner. Aren’t you upset about it?”

Bride: “Why would I want to marry a man who WOULDN’T skip a party to go pick up his mother? If he hadn’t gone, I would have. So, no, I’m not upset to be marrying a wonderful, family oriented man!”

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In-Tents Fire

| Related | May 17, 2012

(My brother was camping with some friends for a week. He is meeting our parents and I to finish up the camping trip together. When he arrives, his leg is heavily bandaged. We’re hanging out by the fire while our parents are on the phone with the doctor.)

Me: “What the heck did you do?”

Brother: “Eh… me and [friend] got crazy drunk and decided to play burning-sticks-sword-fighting.”

Me: “You, are an idiot.”

Brother: “Yeah. That’s why I told Mom and Dad I tripped and fell into the fire…”

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