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Enough To Put You In A Blind Rage

, , , , | Friendly | March 23, 2022

I am walking four dogs (two are mine and two are my mom’s). While they are all well-behaved, I do have a bit of trouble maneuvering them around things since they try to go in different directions, this is made more difficult because my boy was going blind.

A woman and two guys are talking on the sidewalk as I try to get by them when my dog runs into the woman. It’s twilight and what little bit of vision he had left was not helpful since she is wearing all black. I start to apologize but before I can say or do anything, she starts screaming at the top of her lungs.

Woman: “Help I’m being attacked! The pit bull is trying to kill me.”

I pause in shock and look down at my dog, who looks back and forth as, like he was trying to figure out what he ran into, before taking another step and running into her again.

Woman: “Oh my god it attacked me again. Help! Ow! Help! am I bleeding, help! Ow!”

She bends down and grabs at her legs.

The guys she is with just look down at my dog who has given up and just sitting down. The other three are straining the leashes to get as far from them as possible. It’s been a few seconds and she has not stopped screaming.

Me: “Lady get a grip, my dog is not attacking you. He’s blind, be bumped into you but doesn’t even know where you are.”

Woman: *Instantly stops and stands up.* “Oh, he’s blind? I guess I’m fine then.”

She goes back to her conversation like nothing happened. One of the guys she was with rolled his eyes but other than that they did not react or say anything at all during the entire exchange. I managed to lead my dog around her and walked away completely confused as to what had just happened.

Puppy Owners Shouldn’t Throw Sticks In Glass Houses

, , , , | Friendly | March 23, 2022

Back when I first got my pup, I made sure she was socialized around kids and other dogs. She was a really sweet pup and wouldn’t bite or even nip at anything, except sticks.

There is a playground nearby, so I take her there. The kids and my pup love it and are playing tag, while I keep a close eye on her.

In comes a lady, her husband, their kids – and some scared-to-death white dog. The dog gets put down, hides behind the legs of the husband, and growls as soon as one of the neighborhood kids tries to pet it. My pup hasn’t even noticed the other dog.

Miss wife sees her, sees me with her leash, and comes barrelling towards me, all before starting to screech:

Wife: “Put your d*** fighting dog on the leash, it’s biting the kids!”

She wasn’t. She was getting some butt scratches.

At that moment the little white dog of them bites one of the kids who ignored the growls and miss wife goes full-on berserk at me:

Wife: “Your dog was terrorizing my sweet little darling!”

She wasn’t, she didn’t even look in the direction.

I just blinked, shook my head, called my pup who came trotting happily over and said, while leaving:

Me: “You might wanna take a look at your kids, they just fell in poop.”

Talk About Jumping To Conclusions

, , , , , | Legal | March 22, 2022

My coworker and I deliver building supplies to their particular sites. We stop on the road outside of our destination. The site itself has shut the doors off to outsiders, although there are several signs up. On this occasion, I am driving the vehicle and I pull over on the road opposite, as there is no immediate access to the site.

Almost as soon as my coworker pulls the van’s sliding door open I hear him screaming in pain. I come out to see a woman spraying what appears to be mace into his eyes.

Woman: “Get away from me, RAPIST!”

She continues to spray him. I storm up and demand to know what is going on, but she then focuses her attention on me. The mace gets into my eyes and I fall to my knees, almost blind. I feel something heavy whack me in the face and I hear the woman running away, screaming her lungs out.

I stumble around, trying to find the door.

Me: “Call 911!”

There was no need. Some of the builders had heard the commotion and ran to help us. It turned out that the woman had hit me with a tree branch. Luckily, she had whacked me rather than pierced me, or I don’t know what I would have done. My coworker said that all he had done was open the sliding door. He hadn’t even had time to get out before the woman had attacked him. We never saw that woman again.

Ugh. Tourists.

, , , , , , | Friendly | March 7, 2022

I have been out partying with a couple of friends. It is a late winter night, without snow, and it’s very cold. As I am making my way along the street, a few guys go past, dressed only in T-shirts and jeans, and one starts talking to me.

Tourist: “Hi! We’re tourists; it is our first time in Sweden. It is really cold here!”

Me: “Yes, it is in the middle of winter.”

Tourist: “But there is no snow. We were hoping to see some nice snow.”

Me: “There isn’t always snow, especially not in the city, but there was snow last week.”

Tourist: “I didn’t think it would be this cold, though.”

Me: “But you went to Sweden in the middle of the winter and expected to see snow?”

Tourist: “Yeah.”

Me: “You should dress up more. Did you not bring any jackets or sweaters?”

Tourist: “No, that’s not cool to wear!”

He actually laughs at it, as if it would be silly, while I’m standing there in a warm coat, gloves, and a thick scarf.

Me: “No, it’s warm.”

He just shook his head and caught up to his friends. I hope they did not fall asleep outside, as I’m not sure they’d been warned about that.

Has Dad Been Skipping Leg Day?

, , , , , , , | Related | February 12, 2022

This happened during the 1980s, when kids stayed outside until the street lights came on and could generally be trusted to walk two or three miles to school every day without Mom and Dad worrying about them being snatched up.

I was six years old at the time.

Mom: “Do you want to be Mommy’s special helper today? Go down to [Store] and pick up these items, and I’ll have a special surprise for you!”

She handed me a baggy with money and a small shopping list.

Me: *Gleefully* “Okay!”

Telling the story from my six-year-old perspective: I happily skipped my way over, but the store was closed. I was sad because I wanted to be Mommy’s special helper and get the prize. Glumly and in tears, I walked back home.

However, midway back, my dad suddenly appeared from nowhere, soaked in sweat and looking like he’d done a serious workout in a gym.

Dad: *In between pants* “Where… in the world… are you going?”

Me: *Confused innocence* “Home. Were you exercising?”

Dad: “Oh, hush!”

He led me off my intended path, took me over to a payphone, and called for my mother to come pick us up. He then threw himself on a nearby bench while panting like a dog having an asthma attack.

My mom came and picked us up with my dad looking at her like he wanted to strangle her. She gave me a hug with an “at least you tried” pep talk, and I ended up getting her little prize anyway.

Years later, when I was older, I finally got Dad’s perspective of what had really happened.

As you probably figured, Mom had sent Dad to secretly follow behind me just to make sure I got there and back safely.

The trek to the store in question was about a mile or so away. Taking a reasonable and logical route would have had me there in thirty minutes, each way. However, being an energetic and adventurous six-year-old, I thought a more fun path would be to cut through some woods, climb up a steep wall of rocks and discarded concrete blocks, go through a long-abandoned tunnel, climb over a tall chain fence, cut through what had to have been a mile of tall weeds, and presto, I was there! In an hour.

The store was closed for the day, and my dad said I bawled and threw a little tantrum, as could be expected for a six-year-old, but then he said that, for reasons he’ll never understand, I decided to continue my tantrum while taking a completely different route home, which involved walking up an incredibly steep hill, looping around a college campus that was completely out of the way, more woods, more fences… all while kicking random objects, bawling, and wailing.

It was then, after he was completely wiped, that the poor man had to blow his cover, even though we were about a maximum ten-minute walk away from home.

After that, my mom took me on a walk one day to show me “an easy, fast way” to get there on foot “because sometimes Mommy doesn’t like to wait all day long” — to my dad’s massive relief.