Do The Right Thing, Or You’re Likely To Go Bananas

, , , , , | Hopeless | November 16, 2018

Around ten years ago I went to my old school to collect my degree. To say that I was happy to finally hold that piece of paper in my hands would probably be an understatement.

As I was walking back to my car, I noticed a very old, tiny lady carrying five big shopping bags, all filled to the brim with groceries. After every two or three steps she had to take a break, put the bags down, breathe and then collect the bags to make the next few steps. I couldn’t let her suffer like this.

I went over and asked if she needed help, and she gladly accepted. I am by no means weak, but these bags were heavy! She told me that usually her nephew came with her and helped her, but he was sick that day and she really needed those groceries.

Thankfully, her apartment was not far away. Unfortunately, she lived on the third floor with no elevator. When we finally reached her apartment, I put down the groceries on her kitchen table and she started thanking me, while I told her it was fine. She then started looking around for something she could give me, while I tried to make my way out, just repeating that it was fine. When I managed to get halfway out the door, she called out to me, “But Miss, at least take one of the bananas!” I didn’t, but it made my day and I’m still chuckling thinking about it.

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Unfiltered Story #125645

, , , | Unfiltered | November 12, 2018

(I am working at a poetry event which has an outdoor market area for visitors; basically, a market in a field. The couple on the next stall come over, not twenty minutes after they even opened, with this:)

Vendor: “I can’t believe it, I’ve been f****** told off already by the organisers.”

Me: “Why? What did you do?”

Vendor: “I called a customer a c***.”

Me: “Wow. What did he do to earn that?”

Vendor: “Well, he was just messing up the displays, clearly wasn’t going to buy anything, and I didn’t sleep that well, plus I have a hangover.”

Me: “So did he buy anything?”

Vendor: “No!”

Me: “Then he wasn’t a customer, he was a browser. F*** him. C***.”

Their Animal Knowledge Is Pretty Crappy

, , , | Right | November 1, 2018

(I work at an observation tower in the woods. There are over five square miles of forest surrounding it. It’s my turn to watch people on tower top for safety reasons.)

Guests: *as they pass by me* “Hey, there’s some poop on the first floor.”

Me: “Okay, thanks. I’ll take care of it.”

Guests: “So… you do allow dogs on this thing.”

Me: *firmly* “No.”

Guests: *incredulous look* “So, parents just let their kids poop on the tower?!”

Me: *looks around all the FOREST we’re standing in* “I really doubt it.”

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The Mother Of All Rescues

, , , , , , , | Hopeless | October 31, 2018

I was walking into town for some errands when a man ran up to me.

“Do you have a mobile phone?” he asked.

He didn’t look like a mugger, so I assented. He led me over to an elderly lady and told me she had fallen down; he’d helped her up, but then she’d fallen again and now couldn’t get up. She was conscious but obviously needed an ambulance.

I called an ambulance and then waited with her.

While I was on the phone, her neighbour came by, and she gave the neighbour her handbag to take home, which seemed a silly idea, but I was on the phone so I couldn’t stop her.

She was warm enough, and there were no signs of blood, so I decided the best thing to do was not to move her but keep her talking. I asked about her family and she told me she had two sons. One owned a pub and the other worked with the police. I wanted to try to contact her sons, but having given her handbag to her neighbour, she didn’t have their numbers. I realised that with the information she’d given me, I could find them myself.

First, I searched online for the pub. I called the number but got no answer, unsurprisingly, since it was morning. I left a message. Then I asked which police service the other son worked for, found the number, and called them. He wasn’t there, but I gave someone there my details and explained the situation. They asked for his mother’s first name to assure that I wasn’t making it up, and a few minutes later he called me back. I told him what had happened and let him talk to his mum for a bit. Then we rang off and continued waiting for the ambulance. When they came, I texted the son with which hospital they were taking her to. He thanked me for taking care of her and promised to let me know how she was.

I went on with my errand and didn’t hear from them. Once a couple of weeks had passed, I assumed that I would probably never know what happened to her. I often wondered about her but I changed phones and lost her son’s number.

Two years later, I got a phone call. It was her. She thanked me for my help, for calling her son, and for staying with her. She told me that she’d broken her hip that day and she’d had a lot of surgeries as a result, but she was doing well. I was crying my eyes out when I got off the phone, I was so pleased she was okay.

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Behind Every Angry Man, Is A Long-Suffering Wife

, , , , | Right | September 11, 2018

(I am a ‘meter maid.’ My job is to ticket cars that have not paid for their meter. I am putting a ticket on a parked car when the driver, a big, long-haired guy, comes up to me, furious. His mousy little wife is following him but is very quiet. He yells at me that he was only parked ‘for two minutes’ and I have no business giving him a ticket.)

Me: “Sir, I have been on this block for ten minutes so I know that your car has been here longer than that.”

Driver: “How dare you call me a liar! I just pulled up here and went inside to get change and pick up my wife. Can’t you even give an honest person a break!”

(He’s looming over me and rather intimidating, I’m wondering if he’s going to actually hit me, when suddenly, his wife steps right in front of me and starts yelling at him.)

Wife: “How dare YOU! She’s just doing her job and you’re yelling at her because you screwed up! You know full well you could have put money in the meter but you were just trying to be cheap. You apologize to her right now and take your ticket like a grownup!”

(He looked absolutely stunned and froze completely. She glared at him until he muttered “Sorry” and wouldn’t meet my eyes. She then apologized calmly to me and held out her hand for the ticket. I let her off with a warning!)

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