(Note that I’m Filipino, and this is our second date. My date and I are crossing a street when a car suddenly makes a left and cuts in front of us with maybe half a foot to spare. As the car speeds off, my boyfriend turns to me, shocked.)
Date: “The driver wasn’t even Asian!”
(I am obviously annoyed by this, but his thought isn’t finished…)
Date: “…or a woman!”
(I am 18. My mother, our neighbor, and I are walking home from a show. I look NOTHING like my mother, and am basically a carbon copy of my dad. We run into a woman our neighbor knows and start to talk to her. Half way through the conversation, she gives my mother and me an odd look.)
Woman: “How do you two know [Neighbor]?”
Mom: “We live in the same building.”
Woman: “Oh… wait, are you two… related?!”
Me: “Yes, she’s my mom.”
(The woman gives us another confused look.)
Mom: “She’s adopted.”
Me: “NO I’M NOT!”
Mom: “[My Name], it’s just easier this way…”
(My fiancé and I are taking our three-year-old son apple picking at a local orchard. I am currently 19 weeks pregnant, and already showing. When we finish getting our apples, we head into the store to see what else is available. We follow another group only to realize just in time that we’re about to enter the wrong door.)
Fiancé: “Oh wait; that’s the wine-tasting room.”
Me: “Oh, well I definitely don’t need to go in there right now!”
(I gesture to my belly.)
Fiancé: “Well, [Mutual Friend] said wine is okay in the third trimester.”
Me: “A lot of studies show that a glass a day is okay, but I really don’t need to be seen chugging a glass with my preggo belly.”
Fiancé: “You don’t even look really pregnant yet. People will just think you have a beer belly.”
Me: “You’re lucky my hormones aren’t in full swing today…”
(It is our first anniversary together, and my boyfriend and I are walking through a park. My boyfriend is notorious for forgetting things.)
Me: “Here, honey! I bought you a gift!”
(I hand him a really expensive watch that he wants.)
Boyfriend: “Oh my god! Thank you!”
(I wait expectantly for my gift. He just stares at me.)
Me: “[Boyfriend], did you forget it was our anniversary?”
Boyfriend: “Uh… no! I left your gift in the car. Hang on!”
(He runs off in the opposite direction to the car and comes back. He hands me a rock.)
Me: “You forgot?”
Boyfriend: “I forgot.”
(We are on the way home after setting off some Fourth of July fireworks.)
Boyfriend: “You know, during the finale, I saw your brother and his girlfriend being all cuddly, and I wished I had someone to be romantic with and watch fireworks—”
Me: “What am I?”
Boyfriend: “You didn’t let me finish. After I the fireworks ended, I realized you were around and that I am an idiot.”
