(I am father to a three-year-old daughter. My daughter, wife and I have just finished spending a day at a small city farm where children can interact with farm animals.)
Me: “So, sweetie…what was your favorite animal at the farm today?”
Daughter: “Mummy!”
(I am waiting at the bus stop for my bus, and talking to my fiancé on the phone.)
Fiancé: “That was a good one!”
Me: “Of course it was! I said it!”
Fiancé: “Well, you are pretty sharp, like a…”
(His pause lasts for about 10 seconds before I decide to help him out.)
Me: “…a knife?”
Fiancé: *immediately after* “A rock!”
Me: “A rock?!”
Fiancé: “A knife!” *few seconds pause* “I don’t know where rock came from. I said knife right after!”
Me: “I said it first! And isn’t the saying that someone is a dull as a rock?”
(My boyfriend and I are at a hockey game. He hands me a misshapen shelled peanut.)
Me: “Aw thanks. Wait, did you just give me this one because it’s a mutant?”
Him: “No, but I am following my primate instincts. I’m trying to mate with you, so I’m winning you over with peanuts.”
(There is a festival on for the weekend. My boyfriend and I go, after spending quite a lot on food.)
Me: “We only spent $30.00 today!”
Him: “I’m so broke. I spend so much every time I’m with you.”
Me: “How often are you out with me!?”
Him: “ENOUGH!”
Boyfriend: “You know, your teeth are really cute sometimes.”
Me: *completely confused* “How, exactly?”
Boyfriend: “They’re like a squirrel’s teeth. Or a bunny rabbit! You’d look funny eating a carrot!”
Me: “Was that meant to be a compliment?”
