Unfiltered Story #190542

, , , , | Unfiltered | March 23, 2020

(I am a security guard out on patrol when I witness this.)

Car: *pulls up on he street and shouts to a man standing on the sidewalk* “Hey, is this a parking spot?”

(The man on the sidewalk turns slowly to the very prominent ‘NO PARKING” sign that we’ve put up because people were ignoring the already posted street sign.)

Sidewalk: *flatly* “No,”

You Can Never Be Too Careful

, , , , , | Romantic | March 4, 2020

(I take regular walks around my neighborhood for exercise and relaxation. I’ve just walked past the entryway for a business that crosses the sidewalk when a car that was heading towards me on the road pulls into the entryway behind me and the driver calls out. Figuring it’s someone looking for directions, as this is a touristy area, I turn around and answer.)

Me: “What can I do for you?”

Man: “You from around here?”

Me: “Yes, I’m a local. Where are you heading?”

Man: “Cool. So… what’s your name?”

(I go from zero to SUSPICIOUS.)

Me: “Why do you want to know?”

Man: “No reason! Nevermind!”

(He threw his car into reverse and peeled out of there so fast I was left completely stunned for a moment. Only after I shrugged and continued my walk did I happen to glance down at my shirt and realize I was wearing an old high-school tee that would have been clearly visible to someone coming towards me. I’m short and young-faced, despite being almost ten years out of high school, so there’s a distinct possibility that man thought I was a minor. I always carry my phone with me on walks, but maybe I should add a weapon.)

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Your Fortune: Humiliation

, , , , , , | Right | February 15, 2020

My husband and I were walking down the Las Vegas Strip. We were coming back from a show that was much farther from our hotel than we’d expected, so my feet were killing me and I was completely exhausted. I was just concentrating on putting one blistered foot in front of the other and getting back to the hotel so I could collapse.

The Vegas Strip is home to all sorts of fun and strange discoveries, and outside a shop, we spotted a Zoltar fortune-telling machine that looked like it had come straight out of the movie Big. We stopped to admire it for a moment, and I stepped forward to get a closer look.

The machine suddenly burst into life, moving dramatically and speaking loudly. I emitted some sort of strangled scream, jumped about a foot, and, in my exhausted and startled state, implored the machine, “PLEASE DON’T!”

My husband about fell over laughing at my reaction. When he had almost regained his composure, he noticed a pair of strangers that had passed us. The strangers were also laughing their heads off at me, which my husband was kind enough to point out to me.

Now that I’m far, far away from that stupid machine, I can laugh about the incident, too. And “Please don’t!” has become our reaction any time an object behaves in an unexpected way.

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A Sign From God

, , , , , | Friendly | January 24, 2020

Some years ago, the city I live in was inundated with screaming God botherers — no, not Christians; there are profound differences between the two — who made it a point to stop anyone who entered the city center.

Having no idea that these oxygen thieves were around, I went into town to do some shopping. As I wandered through the pedestrianised area, one of them rushed up to me and thrust a Bible into my hands.

I reached into my breast pocket and pulled out a pen.

I signed that Bible, handed it back saying, “Always nice to meet a fan,” and sauntered off.

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Fostering A Different Understanding Of How Eyes Work

, , , , , | Related | January 2, 2020

(I’m about twelve. My mom is taking me, my friend, and my friend’s foster sister to a Girl Scout campout. We get there early to ride horses, but the horses are canceled due to the weather, so my mom decides to take us to a store in the nearby town to get a snack.)

Foster Sister: “I can’t be here.”

Mom: “Why not?”

Foster Sister: “I’m not supposed to see any of my relatives, and one of them lives on this street.”

Mom: “Well… if you see them, don’t look.”

Foster Sister: “Okay.”

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