You’ve Found Area 51

, , , , | Legal | October 8, 2018

(I’m on a long road trip with my two young children. The youngest is only six weeks old. She is crying to eat, so I pull off the highway at the nearest exit. The only thing around is a decrepit-looking barn, so I turn into the driveway to be met with a locked gate. I turn around and park. Within seconds, two police vans pull up and block me in.)

Officer: “What are you doing?”

Me: “I just wanted to feed my baby. Should I leave?”

Officer: “No, that’s fine.”

(The officers then watched as I unbuckled my daughter from her car seat, and once I was sitting in the front seat with her, they pulled away. Now, I can’t stop thinking… what the heck was in that barn?)

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Making You Go Postal

, , , , , | Working | July 2, 2018

(I get to the post office late, but before they close at five. I wait at the counter for almost ten minutes.)

Employee: “I’m closed; you have to come back tomorrow.”

Me: “When did you close?”

Employee: “5:03.”

Me: “Its only 5:01 now, and I’ve been here almost ten minutes.”

Employee: “My watch says 5:10.”

Me: *pointing* “The clocks there, there, and there agree with me.”

(I have him get a supervisor, explain the story, and she verifies.)

Supervisor: “Can you please get this man his package?”

Employee: “I can’t.”

Supervisor: “Why not?”

Employee: “It’ll take ten minutes to get the system back up then shut it down again.”

Supervisor: “Sorry, there’s nothing he can do.”

(I was not impressed with the supervisor. If you decide to not do your job and hide in the back so you don’t have to do any work for at least ten minutes, a little unpaid “overtime” seem reasonable to me; balances the books.)

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How Dare You Use Your Time Off As You See Fit?!

, , , , , | Working | July 2, 2018

(I’m visiting some family and we’re at a café when I get a call from work. I’m a salesman and tech in a national electronic store in the Ottawa region.)

Me: “Hello.”

Manager: “Hey, [My Name], I know you have tonight off, but I’m in a pickle. I need you to come in right now.”

Me: “I’d love to, but I can’t be—”

Manager: “No, no, you don’t get it. I’m alone; it’s packed.”

Me: “The evening shift can’t cover by coming in earlier?”

Manager: “They should have started at one pm today. No one showed up, and the day staff all left without me realizing what was happening. I only have my last guy for another hour, and no one’s answering their phone.”

Me: “Okay, wow. I understand but—”

Manager: “No buts—”

Me: “No, I’m serious, I can’t—”

Manager: “No, I’m serious. I’m even offering you overtime for this.”

Me: “Erm… Thanks for the offer; it’s not that I don’t want to, bu—”

Manager: “I said no buts, d*** it!

Me: *sigh* “I have some conditions, then.”

Manager: “As in?”

Me: “You pay for the time I’ll be travelling—”

(All my relatives have stopped talking and are now listening while eating or drinking, realizing I might ditch them right there and then. Since we came in with only my car, I would have to bring back my mom, too.)

Manager: “Fine, no problem. You’re on the clock from right now.”

Me: “Perfect, and I will arrive somewhere around 7:30 pm, an hour and a half before close.”

Manager: *not really listening as he seems busy* “Okay… Yeah, super! See you in half an hour.”

Me: “NO! I said see you in three hours!”

Manager: “What, you just said… It’s barely past four o’clock! What gives?”

Me: “Well, if you could let me explain, as I’ve been trying to do since the beginning: I’m in Montréal, and with the current traffic conditions of the rush hour, it will take me over three hours to make the normally two-and-half-hour-drive from here, not to mention I need to drop by my house to get my uniform. You won’t see me until an hour and half before close.”

Manager: *long pause* “Are you kidding?”

Me: “No, I’m not.”

Manager: “D*** it! I’ll have to… Wait! Why are you in Montréal?”

Me: “Why am I in Montréal?” *cue weird looks from my relatives*

Manager: “Yes! Why are you in Montréal?”

Me: “It’s my day off.”

Manager: “I know that, but why aren’t you in Ottawa?”

Me: “Er, I mean, I’m visiting… I’m with…” *realizing he’s trying to make me justify why I’m not home and available to his beck and call* “You know what? No, I won’t tell you why. It’s none of your business, and frankly I’m appalled you’re even trying to make me justify my reasons for not being available, so I’m not coming in anymore.”

Manager: “But—”

Me: “No buts! Text me if you need help contacting some of our colleagues.”

(I hang up.)

Mom: “Did your boss really ask you why you were using your free time as you see fit?”

Me: “Yup! He’s getting an earful next time we work together.”

(It didn’t come to an earful, as he apologized first. My boss was so frustrated to realize almost three hours after they were supposed to clock in that all the other colleagues were no-show-no-calling, all at the same time. He blew a fuse being alone in the entire store for the evening, hence his attitude with me during the phone call. I was able to find him another manager from another store that evening that could help him after his regular shift, and he brought another employee with him. Word got around about this event, and all the managers of the district didn’t want to give them the pleasure of claiming employment insurance benefits by firing them. So, the faulty colleagues left the company by themselves shortly after, because not a single store would give them enough hours, knowing what happened.)

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Sugar-Free Meets Tact-Free

, , , , | Right | June 11, 2018

(I work for a popular ice cream shop. One evening an older woman comes into the shop.)

Me: “Hi, how are you today?”

Customer: “Good, thank you. I’m wondering if you have any ice cream that is sugar-free; I’m diabetic.”

Me: “Of course. We have a vanilla that is sugar-free.”

Customer: “Oh, is that the only one?”

Me: “Let’s double-check.”

(I walk around to the front of the ice cream display, as there are cards with the ingredients for customers to read. After double-checking, I answer her question.)

Me: “My apologies; vanilla is the only sugar-free flavour we have right now.”

Customer: “That’s okay. I suppose vanilla would be okay… or I could throw caution to the wind and treat myself.”

Me: *laughs* “That is always an option.”

(We spend a few minutes small-talking about life. I realize I need to start closing the store, so I try to steer the conversation back to ice cream, since she hasn’t actually ordered.)

Me: “Have you decided which flavour you would like?”

Customer: “I think I will get the sugar-free vanilla.”

Me: “Great, let me get that for you.”

(I try to pass her to go behind the counter.)

Customer: “Are you required to try everything in the store?”

Me: “It’s recommended that we sample the ice cream and the chocolates that are on display; that way we can best recommend or give an accurate description of the flavours.”

Customer: *smirks, reaches out to touch me, and places her hand on my stomach* “I can tell you have; looks like someone has been indulging while working here.” *proceeds to jiggle my stomach*

Me: *smile quickly fades away* “I’ll get your ice cream.”

(I got her ice cream and said goodnight as she happily skipped out the store with her cone. I happily never saw her again.)

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Unfiltered Story #112839

, , | Unfiltered | May 24, 2018

(I’m in line a market-style restaurant in a large mall, and close to checkout, there are ice bins of clear, plastic to-go cups filled with lemonade and iced tea. The girl in front of me shouts to her friend, who is somewhere behind me in line)

Customer 1: Hey, look, they have lemonade! Do you want a lemonade!?

Customer 2: Yeah!

(Customer 1 picks up one of the cups and looks at it, disgusted)

Customer 1: oh, they have lemons in them!

Customer 2: Eww, no I don’t want it, then!