(My coworker is finishing taking an order from a middle-aged man.)

Coworker: *to customer* “Alright, lemme just get your name for the order.”

Customer: “It’s Bernie.”

Coworker: “Okay, it should be ten minutes.”

(My coworker types the customer’s name into the computer. When I go to the labeling machine to grab the stickers coming out, I see “Bunny” printed on the label.)

Me: “Uh, I think you misheard his name.” *shows label with “Bunny”*

Coworker: “No, I didn’t. He said that. I’m sure!”

Me: *to customer* “Just to confirm your name… is it ‘Bunny’?”

Customer: “No… BERNIE. Do I look like a stripper to you?!”

(We have a TV in our hotel’s breakfast lounge. A guest is having trouble turning it on with the remote.)

Guest: “Can you turn on the TV, please? I can’t find the right button.”

Me: “Of course!” *turns on the TV*

Guest: “Oh, I didn’t know you had to press that button. Our remotes are different in Sudbury, you see.”

Me: “Sudbury has different remotes?”

Guest: *completely serious* “Yes, they’re quite thicker!”

Coworker: “How do I print from this program?”

Me: “Ctrl-P.”

Coworker: “What? I do what?”

Me: “Press Ctrl-P.”

Coworker: “Where is that?”

Me: “Look at the bottom left-hand corner of your keyboard. Press Ctrl. Then press P.”

Coworker: “I’m looking. I can’t see a Ctrl-P button.”

Me: “No. It’s two buttons. Ctrl and P.”

Coworker: “Where’s P?!”

(I work at a food court restaurant that primarily serves fries. On quiet days like today, we do all our cooking to order. A group of three French women have just come up to our counter and are trying to decide what to order. They each get an order of fries and gravy and leave to sit and eat. Suddenly, the first customer comes back to the counter.)

Customer #1: “I want new fries.”

Me: “I’m terribly sorry. Was there something wrong with your food?”

Customer #1: “Their fries taste better.”

Me: “Pardon me?”

Customer #1: “I tried my fries, then I tried their fries. Theirs are better, so I want new ones!”

(All three women’s fries were from the same batch, cooked and prepared exactly the same way.)

(I approach a customer to see if he needs help.)

Me: “Hello!”

Customer: “No, thank you.”

Me: *confused*