This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 6

, , , , , | Right | December 7, 2010

Customer: “Wait, that’s only supposed to be twenty dollars cheaper.”

Me: “Yes, sir, that’s after the mail-in rebate. You have to send in the paperwork and proof of purchase.”

Customer: “Well, why don’t you give me the discount now and send in the rebate yourself?”

Me: “No, that’s not how this works. You are responsible for sending in the rebate yourself.”

Customer: “You mean you’re making me responsible for my own money?”


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Love Thy Culturally Homogenous Neighbor

, , , , , , | Right | November 11, 2010

Me: “I hope you’ve found everything to your liking!”

Customer: “Oh, thank you, I have! It’s so nice to meet a polite Christian girl nowadays! You know, it’s always best to love thy neighbor.”

Me: “Oh, actually, I’m not Christian. But yes, I agree.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, as long as you love Jesus, our savior!”

Me: “Actually, I’m Muslim and Jewish.”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “Well, my mother is Jewish and my father is Muslim.”

Customer: “Oh. When I said ‘love thy neighbor,’ I didn’t mean you!”


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Excuses That Don’t Hold Water

, , , , , | Right | November 2, 2010

Me: “Thanks for calling [Hotel]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I need a room next weekend. My kid has a swim meet down there.”

Me: “Okay. Rooms with two doubles are going for $135.”

Customer: “Give me a corporate rate on that room.”

Me: “Sir, corporate rates are for business travel. You just told me you were coming for a swim meet.”

Customer: “Well, uh, I sell swimsuits!”

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So Stupid He Could Kick Himself

, , , , , | Right | October 29, 2010

Customer: “What sort of fuel economy does this one have?”

Me: “Sir, you’re in the wrong lot. That’s another customer’s car.”

Customer: “So, this one’s reserved? What about the blue one over there?”

Me: “You need to go back to the front of the building. These are all the cars that other customers drove here in.”

Customer: “Wait, what? So I can just drive them?”

Me: “No. You can test-drive a specific unit of each of our models, but these cars belong to other people.”

Customer: “So you’re just going to deprive me of everything? Fine! I’m leaving!”

(He kicks another car on the way out.)

Customer: “Wait… F***! That’s mine!”


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Voodoo Or Do Not, There Is No Jedi

, , , , , | Right | August 30, 2010

(I’m the resort coordinator and often deal with claims from guests who have had an incident.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Resort]. How may I help you today?”

Guest: *already irate* “You can help me by filing a claim for me! I slipped and fell on your property during my vacation and I deserve compensation.”

Me: “I’m so very sorry that happened to you. Can you please provide me with your name and the dates of your stay so I can pull the incident report?”

(She gives me the information.)

Me: “It seems that your stay with us occurred almost three years ago. The report says you didn’t want to file a claim at the time. May I ask why you’re just now contacting us?”

Guest: “You should know! You’re the one that hired that voodoo man!”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Guest: “The security guard! The security guard who helped me up! He wiped my memory and his spell just wore off!”

Me: “He wiped your memory?”

Guest: “That’s what I just said, you idiot! Wiped it clean so I wouldn’t sue you people!”

Me: “He wiped your memory? Like a Jedi?”

Guest: “Yes! A Jedi! Now you understand why I have to deal with this now! That voodoo man is evil!”


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