(I work as a receptionist for a manufacturing company, so I handle all incoming calls.)

Me: “Good morning! [Company], how can I help you?”

Caller: “Hi! Is this [Company]?”

Me: “Yes, it is.”

Caller: “So, this is [Company]?”

Me: “Yep. This is [Company].”

Caller: “Oh. Just making sure I was calling [Company].”

Me: “That’s us, all day, everyday.”

(This actually happens a lot throughout the day, believe it or not.)

(I’m a cashier at a store which is located in a large strip mall. I am in the front of the store speaking with the security guard, when a woman walks in, furious.)

Woman: “There are kids skateboarding over there! You need to do something about it!”

Security: “Are they bothering anyone?”

Woman: “No, but they shouldn’t be doing that!”

Security: “I’m sorry, ma’am. Would you rather them be breaking into people’s cars?”

(The woman stopped and looked cluelessly at my coworker, then stormed off.)

(I work at a popular park where they have daily parades, unless it rains.)

Guest: *frantically runs into the store, child dangling under her arm* “Can I take this?”

Me: “Take…?”

(The guest is now placing her child on the ground while trying to open the disposable camera box she is now holding.)

Guest: “Yeah, Barry Bonds is the grand marshall. My husband loves him… Can I just take this?”

Me: “No… ma’am… you have to pay for it. Then you can take it.”

Guest: *looking at me in disbelief* “What?! It’s Barry Bonds; you know, the baseball player?”

Me: “You need to pay for it no matter who the grand marshall is, ma’am. You pay for it and you can take it anywhere.”

Guest: “This is ridiculous!” *she runs out cursing me; the child runs out after her because she had forgotten him*

(My family is at the checkout line for our groceries. The checkout clerk comments how my three year old is adorable and well-behaved. I thank her.)

Employee: *to daughter* “You should tell Mommy and Daddy that you want a brother or sister for Christmas!”

(The clerk looks at me and smiles.)

Me: *coldly* “Then it’s a good thing we’re Jewish.”

(I am from the UK, and work in a theme park which has a number of different countries represented around a lagoon. My name badge says my hometown and “England,” I have a heavy British accent, and there is British theming all around.)

Guest: “So, where in Norway are you from?”