I am ringing up a mother and son. The son is about four or five, and he just keeps staring at me with these huge eyes. As I finish ringing up their items, the little boy does that little-kid loud whisper.
Boy: “Mommy, she’s pretty like Jennifer Lopez!”
Me: “Oh, my gosh, he’s already doing the good lies! He’s going to be a heartbreaker!”
I was so flattered! He just made my day!
This story was included in our May 2020 Inspirational Roundup.
I work in a floral shop and we are currently out of helium due to the fact there is a helium shortage. We have signs at the check-stand and by our display balloons stating this.
Customer: “I need to get some birthday balloons.”
Me: “I am sorry, sir, we are actually out of helium.”
Customer: “Can’t I just take one of those balloons over there in the display?”
Me: “Actually, those are just filled with regular air so they won’t float away.”
Customer: “Can’t you just make some helium and put it in the balloons?”
Me: *Pause* “Sir, helium is a natural gas; we can’t just make it.”
The customer is shocked by this information.
Customer: “Really? I always thought you guys just made it.”
Apparently, I have been engaged twice and didn’t even know it. One incident involves an ex-boyfriend. A coworker and I are play-arguing and my ex comes up, wraps an arm around me, and tells my coworker, “Hey! Be nice to my fiancé!” The coworker sees my eyes bug out. After my shift:
Me: “Um, [Ex], you do know that we’re not engaged, right?”
Ex: “Yeah, well, you know, you never know.”
Me: “Um, no. No, I know that we’re not engaged. I don’t love you.”
Ex: “Wow, that’s kind of harsh!”
Me: “That’s why we started dating last week! To see if it would change into love!”
The other time is shortly after my ex and I break up. A regular customer comes through my line.
Me: “Wow, you must like this store! You’re in here almost every other day!”
Customer: “Yeah, well… You know.” *Grins* “Your last name is [Last Name].”
Me: “Um… yeah.”
Customer: “You went to [High School].”
Me: “Uh-huh…”
Customer: “You graduated in 2006.”
Me: “You’re a stalker.”
Customer: “No! We went to high school together!”
I looked it up afterward and saw that yes, we went to school together. He asked me out and for my phone number, and I decided I would put first impressions aside.
However, within ten minutes of texting, he told me we were going to have lilies as our wedding flower and started making wedding plans. I, of course, freaked out and told him I wasn’t ready to date anyone yet. He ended with, “But you’re the one!”
Why do I always get the crazy ones?!
My oldest niece is in high school and a bunch of her friends are making fun of her because she has never read the “Harry Potter” books, only seen the movies. I have all of the books in hardback and she asks if she can borrow them and then let her little sister read them next. I say sure, lending them out one at a time.
She gets halfway through the third book when we hear a blood-curdling scream. I go running to her.
Me: “What’s wrong?!”
Oldest Niece: “There’s a huge spider squished in between the pages of this book!”
I started laughing and finally remembered I had been in bed reading when this spider came down in between my nose and the book. I am both scared to death of spiders and allergic to them, so I slammed the book closed on it and then forgot… for a few years.
The best part is, my niece didn’t clean the spider off and when my younger niece got to that same page a week later, there was another blood-curdling scream.
This story was featured in our May 2020 roundup!
I am checking customers out during a very busy day. A woman is in my line with her very young son.
Son: “Mommy, did you fart?”
Everyone in the line hears this but remains deathly silent, while the mother goes a shade of red but says nothing. A few unbearable moments of silence pass.
Son: “Well? Did you, Mo—”
Mother: “Shut up!”
