Helping To Increase Bacon Awareness

, , , , | Right | August 24, 2017

(This exchange occurs at a popular sandwich shop as I a start my order.)

Employee: “Welcome to [Restaurant]. I’m sorry to tell you that we’re out of meatballs, bacon, and cucumbers.”

Me: “Well, that sucks. Let me guess, you’ve gotten yelled at a bunch of times by customers thinking it’s your fault.”

Employee: “Once or twice, but it’s almost closing time and we get a new delivery tomorrow, so it hasn’t been too bad.”

Me: “That’s good. What are you out of again?”

Employee: “Meatballs, bacon, and cucumbers.”

Me: “Is any of that on the Chicken, Bacon, Ranch?”

Employee: *pauses* “Uh, yeah. The bacon.”

Me: “Oh, god, I’m one of THOSE customers.”

(I ended up ordering a different sandwich, and the employee had a good laugh at how tired I was.)

They’re Bus-ted

, , , , , | Working | August 18, 2017

(I work as a receptionist in an office building. Usually when I see an employee running through the lobby to the door it’s because they’re running for a bus.)

Employee: *running through lobby*

Me: “Good luck!”

Employee: *pauses and looks over at me*

Me: “With catching your bus. Sorry, it looked like you were running for one.”

Employee: “Oh, right.” *continues running out the door.*

(A few minutes go by and the employee comes back inside.)

Employee: “It’s all your fault.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Employee: “You distracted me and I missed by bus by 15 seconds.”

(The employee laughed to let me know he was joking and hung out in the lobby making small talk with me for 10 minutes until he had to leave for the next one.)

Too Many Bad Cooks Spoil The Broth

, , , , | Working | August 14, 2017

(My husband takes a job cooking at a restaurant that has just opened in our small town. The place seems to always be busy when he is working. One day the manager calls him into the office.)

Manager: “We have a problem. Customers have been calling in and asking if you are working and they won’t come in if you are not.”

Husband: “Okay, so you want me to help train the other cooks and bring them up to par?”

Manager: “Well, not exactly. Could you just tone it down a bit?”

Husband: “So, you want me to cook worse instead of them cooking better?”

Manager: “Well, that’s one way of putting it.”

(My husband found another job.)

Caught Him On Tape

, , , , , , , | Learning | August 11, 2017

In my CAD class, we are doing our final. It is a very difficult final and takes a long time to do. Our teacher is an older man who enjoys messing with the student; joking, name calling, etc.

It is always in good humor, and everyone loves his class.

As in every class, we have that one student who is annoying and immature.

One day our teacher decides to “deliver” this student to another teacher, whom he knows well. So he goes to the closet, and comes back with a full roll of AUTOMOTIVE TAPE. Our room is attached to the Autotech garage, so I all the supplies are fairly close by.

He then proceeded to tape this student TO THE CHAIR, a rolling office chair, and once he was taped in, rolled him down the hallway to the other teacher’s room, put him inside, shut the door, and just left.

Both Go Straight To Kidnap

, , , | Related | August 9, 2017

(My 49-year-old mother is living with a man neither of her daughters approve of. He has made horrible impressions on both of us, which only worsens when we learn that he is, A, still married, because, B, his wife is pressing charges of domestic violence and he’s, C, on bail waiting for the trial to start. My sister and I refuse to have anything to do with him and are basically waiting for Mom to realize she deserves better. I am hanging out at my sister’s apartment with her and a couple of her friends. We both get a text at the same time.)

Mom: “Girls, I think I’m pregnant! Have a doctor’s appointment next week to confirm.”

(My sister and I stare at each other in horror.)

Sister: “What if Mom has a baby?”

Me: “What if she has [Boyfriend]’s baby?”

(Mom can’t work and lives on a small disability income. Her boyfriend refuses to pay child support for the kids he has with his soon-to-be ex-wife.)

Sister: “…we have to kidnap that baby.”

Me: “I can’t think of anything better. Tell you what: you fake a pregnancy now and then I’ll raise my fake nephew-slash-real-brother.”

Sister: “I can’t do that to my boyfriend!”

Me: “Well, no-one’s going to believe [Wife] got me pregnant!”

Sister: “We need a better plan.”

Friend: “You really do.”

(Fortunately, my mom’s symptoms were early menopause, so we didn’t have to think of a genuine plan for rescuing our supposed baby sibling.)

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