Zero Points For Creativity

, , , , , | Right | February 15, 2018

(I work at a thrift store. If you use your card to make a purchase, our registers let you sign the pad using a stylus. When you press “OK,” it briefly pops up a digital copy of your signature on our screen. Two boys in their late teens purchase some sports equipment. One scribbles on the pad, and then elbows his buddy and points to the screen in a not-so-subtle fashion, snickering all the while. His buddy cracks a huge grin, as well. I already know exactly what he’s done, so when a scribbled part of male anatomy pops up in lieu of his signature, I’m prepared. Keeping my face cheerfully Retail-Friendly, I print the kid a copy of his receipt and hand it to him, which contains a copy of his “art.”)

Me: “Thank you for shopping with us! Here’s your d**k-on-a-slip!”

(The kid’s eyes went huge for a second, and then both of them fled with their items and receipt. Maybe they didn’t expect the seemingly-innocent female cashier to give as good as she got? Or maybe they figured I would never actually see it? Who knows. And no, I didn’t get in trouble for it. My manager laughed hysterically, and I got a high-five from another female cashier, who said she would do her best to remember it if another customer tried that with her.)

When Fast Food Isn’t

, , , , , | Right | February 11, 2018

(I am in line at a fast food restaurant. At the moment, it is very busy, but there is only one employee available to take orders. The customer in front of me has two very hyper children with her.)

Employee: “How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Uh, how much is the number one?”

Employee: “The sandwich is [price], or the meal is [higher price].”

Customer: “How much is the number two?”

(This repeats pretty much exactly for most of the menu, despite the prices being clearly written on the menu displayed over the registers.)

Customer: “Okay. Can I get the number three, just the sandwich, and two small number fours?”

Employee: “Will that be all for you today?”

Customer: “Actually, can you replace the number three with a number two? And one of the number fours with a number six? Actually, they can just share my fries; make the numbers four and six just a sandwich, and the number two a large. Oh, and no onions or pickles on the number four.”

Employee: “Okay, will that be all?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Employee: “Okay, that’ll be [total].”

(The woman then proceeds to dump a small pile of coins onto the counter and count out the price in quarters, dimes, and nickels. The line has doubled in length since she started her order. As she does so, another order comes available and the customer goes to grab their bag. Before she can, one of the children tries to grab the bag off the counter.)

Other Customer: “Ma’am, if you can’t control your spawn, maybe you should keep them at home. That’s the third time I’ve seen them try to steal somebody else’s food, and that’s not okay.”

(The woman ignored him, of course. Luckily, her order was to go, and she took her children with her. How the employee didn’t lose his temper, I’ll never know.)

Boring Is Quiet

, , , , , , | Related | February 8, 2018

(When our daughter is only two weeks old, my husband and I are admiring her as she wiggles around, making her baby noises.)

Me: “She’s just so precious. I don’t want her to ever grow up.”

Husband: “Nah, she’s pretty boring. I can’t wait for her to be one or two, when she’ll be entertaining and fun to play with.”

(Jump forward to her being 13 months old. She has started a phase of running in circles, and yelling and screaming at the top of her lungs, non-stop, for fun.)

Husband: “Oh, my God! Make it stop! My head hurts! Why is she so loud? Why are you laughing?”

Me: “Remember when she was just a newborn, and you said she was boring and you couldn’t wait for her to be a toddler and be more fun? Careful what you wish for.”

(He says he wants three more kids. Let’s see how that goes.)

Definitely Not Flying Virgin

, , , , | Working | February 2, 2018

(I am on a hopper flight from a small town airport to Seattle-Tacoma International where I will catch my home flight. The plane is rather small, four front-to-back rows of five seats each and a five seat row across in back. I am the last to board. There are two available seats: the center of the back row of five, or one of the aisle seats. Being a tall man, I choose to sit in the center of the row of five so my legs can stretch into the walkway. A flight attendant comes down to do her pre-flight checks and sees me.)

Flight Attendant: “How are you today, sir?”

Me: “I’m okay. Not a fan of flying.”

Flight Attendant: “It may be easier to sit in the other seat.”

Me: “I like to stretch out, if it’s okay.”

Flight Attendant: “That’s fine, but you will have to open your legs when I come down to do my service.”

(Just as she said it, she turned bright red.)

Flight Attendant: “DRINK SERVICE!”

(It hadn’t even occurred to me what she had said, and the young couple next to me burst out laughing before I caught on.)

Doesn’t Seem To Register That They’re Not Registered

, , , , , | Learning | January 31, 2018

(I work in the office of the Chemistry Department at a university. We have some of our courses available online, as well as on campus. Since our department phone number is listed on the website, sometimes people call us when they should talk to admissions or the registrar’s office first.)

Me: “Department of Chemistry. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Student: “I’m a new, non-degree-seeking student, and I want to take the online organic chemistry. I have a question about sending in my transcripts to show I meet the prerequisites.”

Me: “Do you know which organic chemistry course you are interested in? We have two sequential courses online. I want to make sure I check the correct prerequisites for you.”

(After a few minutes of back and forth, I figure out which one the student is interested in.)

Me: “The prerequisite for that course is just one year of general chemistry. When you try to register, is it giving you any registration errors?”

Student: “Should I send in my transcripts to the department so I can get an override to register for the course?”

Me: “Are you getting an error message when you try to register?”

Student: “I haven’t tried yet.”

Me: “I would hold off for the moment. Try registering for the class. If your transcripts made it into our systems during the admission process, you may not need an override.”

Student: “I just sent in my application today. When do classes start this term?”

Me: “Today is the end of the first week of classes this term. You haven’t been admitted yet?”

Student: “Not yet. I just sent in the application a few minutes ago. Should I email my transcripts to the department so I can get the override?”

Me: “You’ll need to wait until you are admitted, and then attempt to register. It may be too late to register for classes this term, depending on when you are allowed to register. Once you are admitted and the registrar’s office informs you that you are allowed to register, go ahead and give it a try. If you encounter any registration errors, you can use the webform to send in your info, and we then need to get instructor approval. If it is over a week into the term, the instructor may not grant it.”

(We are on a quarter system, with 10-week terms, the 11th week being finals week.)

Student: “You mean I can’t just send in my information for the override so you have it?”

Me: “If you send something in now, and we don’t have a student ID number to connect to it, it may get lost. And it may be too late to get any kind of override. If you encounter issues trying to register, we can do our best to help you at that time. For now, it would be best to wait for admissions to make their decision.”

(A little bit more back and forth, and I finish the call. Turning to a coworker in the office:)

Me: “Isn’t it customary to wait for the letter of acceptance before trying to register for classes?”


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