Not Seeing Or Believing

, , , , | Right | April 16, 2010

Customer: “Something’s wrong with my vision. I’m not seeing well at all.”

Me: “Did this happen suddenly or gradually?”

Customer: “Since I woke up this morning, everything is blurry!”

(I look up her file and see that she had an exam and purchased glasses within the last month.)

Me: “So, even with your new glasses, everything is blurry?”

Customer: “Well, no. It’s fine with my glasses on. But I have worn them for a whole month! Shouldn’t my eyes be better by now?”

Me: “Ma’am, the glasses make your vision better, but only if you are wearing them.”

Customer: “What kind of a quack doctor do you have there? Thanks for nothing!”


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Backwards Thinking

, , , , , | Right | January 25, 2010

(I am dispensing new glasses to a customer.)

Me: “Okay, now take a look around the store. Is your distance coming in clearly?”

Customer: “Yes, but it’s backward.”

Me: “Backward? What do you mean?”

Customer: “The sign… the letters on it are backward.”

Me: “Which sign?”

Customer: “The one in between the frames.”

(The customer then turns around and looks out into the store.)

Customer: “Now the sign looks right, but when I look this way…” *turns back around to face me* “…it’s backward. This has never happened before! What’s wrong with my glasses?”

Me: “Ma’am, are you looking in the mirror behind me?”

Customer: “Oh! That must be it! Well, then, my glasses are working wonderfully. Thank you!”


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Comprehension Hazy, Try Again

, , , | Right | March 4, 2009

Me: “Can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes. Where it says ‘frame includes single-vision lenses,’ does that mean I can’t have trifocals?”

Me: “No, it just means that the cost of the frame includes the price of single-vision lenses. If you wanted trifocals we would charge you the upgrade price to have them. They start at £49 on top of the frame.”

Customer: “What’s the difference?”

Me: “Sorry?”

Customer: “The difference between single-vision or trifocals?”

Me: Oh, well, trifocals give you three different magnifications, into distance, intermediate and reading. Single-vision will only give you one of those.”

Customer: “Why can’t I have a single-vision lens that does all of those?”

Me: *checking her prescription* “…because your eyes need different levels of magnification to see each one clearly.”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “When you are over forty, your eyes start to become lazy and have trouble focusing on close-up things, as well as things that are far away.”

Customer: “I’m not lazy just because I’m over forty! Let me speak to your manager! I have never been so insulted!”

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He’ll Raise The Dead And Validate Your Parking

, , , , | Right | February 19, 2009

(A woman comes into my clinic with her six-year-old daughter and approaches the receptionist.)

Customer: “Hi. I need my daughter’s eyes fixed.”

Employee: “Sorry?”

Customer: “My daughter. She’s blind. I need you to fix it.”

Employee: “Oh, um… Is she totally blind? Can’t see a thing? How about light?”

Customer: “No, she’s completely blind.”

Employee: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I don’t think we can help you. How long has she been this way?”

Customer: “Oh, all her life. She was born blind.”

Employee: “Why didn’t you look for help earlier?”

Customer: “DON’T TELL ME HOW TO RAISE MY CHILDREN, MISSY!”

(After listening in on the conversation, I decide to step in.)

Me: “Is there a problem here?”

Customer: *pulls her daughter’s arm* “Yes. My daughter is blind and you need to fix it.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but there’s really nothing we can do. We don’t treat things like that here.”

Customer: “NO! You call yourself an eye doctor?! You must be able to fix her, and you WILL!”

Me: “Like I said, I can’t do that.”

Customer: “Well, godd*** you all to h***! I’m going somewhere that will actually help us!”

Me: “Ask Jesus, I heard he was good at that.”

Customer: *storms out*


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After The Tornado, Dorothy Never Was Quite The Same

, , | Right | February 12, 2008

Me: “How can I help you?”

Old Woman: “Well?”

Me: “How can I help you?”

Old Woman: “Are they here?”

Me: “Are what here? Glasses? Contacts?”

Old Woman: “MY GLASSES GOD D*** IT!”

Me: “I’ll be happy to check. What is your last name?”

Old Woman: “Dorothy.”

Me: “Dorothy is your LAST name?”

Old Woman: “Dorothy.”

Me: “And your first name?”

Old Woman: “Dorothy.”

Me: “Okay, so your name is Dorothy Dorothy. Got it.”

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