(I work at an optometry near the division of the primarily Indian and Chinese areas of the city. Everyone in the office is able to at least speak Mandarin Chinese. An older Chinese patient enters.)

Me: “Hello, nihao.”

Patient: *in Mandarin* “Do you speak Mandarin?”

Me: *in Mandarin* “I speak it, yes. Do you have any problems that I can help you with?”

Patient: *in Mandarin* “Do you understand? You understand Chinese?”

Me: *in Mandarin* “I understand it. Do you have anything I can help with?”

Patient: *takes out a broken pair of glasses, points at the hinge and gives it to me*

Me: *in Mandarin* “Give me three minutes.”

(Later, after I fix the hinge and give it back to the patient, her daughter comes in and as they’re about to leave.)

Patient: *to daughter in Mandarin* “Why did they hire a white boy? He doesn’t understand Chinese.”

(We have a database of all of our customers,. Once in a blue moon we get a relative of someone phoning to let us know they’re dead.)

Me: *on phone* “Hello, you’re through to [Opticians]; how can I help?”

Customer: “Yes, you sent a letter to my father telling him he needs a sight test. I’m afraid he’s dead now.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry for your loss.”

Customer: “Don’t worry about it; he was a moron.”

(I do not use glasses or contacts, but my doctor recommends that I get a yearly eye checkup anyway. I make an appointment with a local well-known optometrist chain which offers eye health exams. The whole sequence of events goes like this:)

Me: “Hi, I’m checking in for an eye exam. Just to be on the same page, I don’t need any glasses; I just need the health checkup. Is that okay?”

Clerk: “Yes, that’s no problem. We do those, too. You don’t have to buy any glasses. Just fill out this paperwork.”

(I fill out the paperwork and check the “do not wear glasses” and “do not wear contacts” boxes. I hand in the paperwork and wait. An assistant technician comes out to do my pre-screening exam.)

Technician: “Wow, your vision is great. You don’t need glasses at all!”

Me: “I know. I’m just here for the eye health exam.”

(After the pre-screening, I go in to see the actual eye doctor, and more tests are done.)

Doctor: “These vision results are fine. Are you quite sure you need glasses?”

Me: “I’m quite sure I do not!”

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(We’re a very busy optometrist, often booking several days in advance so when we tell you to be there at a time, we expect you to be there at that time. A patient walks in 20 minutes late for her appointment and can’t understand why we can’t see her.)

Me: “So, you’re twenty minutes late, but we have an opening due to a recent cancellation this afternoon. I can rebook you for that time then.”

Patient: “But I can’t understand why you can’t see me now.”

Me: “You’re twenty minutes late for your appointment. The optometrist won’t see you now, but we can rebook you.”

Patient: “So, you’re saying you can’t do anything now.”

Me: “Not right now, no. But I can reschedule you for this afternoon.”

Patient: “I want to be seen now.”

(I just stare at her in complete silence, wondering how long it will take her to click that she won’t be seen because she is late.)

Patient: “I want your name. I’m going to complain that you won’t see me now.”

Me: “That’s fine. Now the next available appointment is two days away. While you were talking with me, this afternoon’s free appointment has gone.”

(One of our accounts received a box which had been smashed by the shipping company, destroying the lenses and frame inside. We placed a claim with the shipping company for reimbursement, as the damage was clearly their fault. My boss has called to check on the status of the claim and been told it was denied because our packaging was supposedly insufficient which lead to the contents being crushed, despite the fact that we package everything the same way and almost never have this problem.)

Boss: “So, how much weight are our boxes supposed to be able to hold to be considered sufficient?”

Customer Service Representative: “200 pounds per square inch.”

Boss: “Okay, so the package we sent was about two inches by five inches. That’s ten square inches. So you’re telling me that this package should have been able to hold… 20 thousand pounds?!”

Customer Service Representative: “…Let me have you speak to my supervisor.”