Right In Front Of Your Nose

| Working | December 4, 2012

(I have an eye test and am looking for new glasses to purchase. I had already seen a pair I liked on a previous visit; they’re just the pair I currently own, but in a different color combination.)

Me: “I was interested in a pair just like mine, but in purple and black instead of blue and brown.”

Optician: “Let me have a look if we still have it in the back…”

(She goes off, comes back, asks to see my glasses for their reference, goes again and returns to hand me back my glasses.)

Optician: “It looks like we are out of the purple and black ones. But we still have the blue and brown!”

Me: “Well, I already have the blue and brown.”

Optician: *silent*

Me: “…right now as we speak…”

Optician: *still silent*

Me: “…on my nose!”

Optician: *completely serious* “Oh, really?”

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Your Service Is Crazy, So Call Me Maybe

| Working | August 1, 2012

(Note: I’ve ordered some glasses on a 2-for-1 offer.)

Optician: “We’ll have them ready for you in a couple of weeks. We’ll give you a call to come in when they are ready.”

Me: “I can just pop by in a couple of weeks.”

Optician: “No, we’ll call you when they’re ready.”

(Two weeks pass without a call from the optician, so I decide to pop in anyway.)

Me: “Are my glasses ready yet?”

Optician: “No. We said we’d call you when they’re in.”

Me: “Oh, okay.”

Optician: *sighs* “Let me check…”

(They pop off to the back before returning.)

Optician: “Okay, one pair is in, but the other pair got damaged when they were making it. We don’t know when it will come in. We will call you when it comes in.”

Me: “I can just pop in in a few weeks.”

Optician: “No. We will call you when it’s in. Don’t come in till then!”

(Three weeks go by, and again there is no phone call. So, I decide to go in anyway.)

Me: “Hi, have my glasses come in?”

Optician: “We said we’d call you when they are in!”

Me: “Can you check anyway?”

Optician: *checks* “Oh… wait. Yes, here they are!”

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Perceiving Percival

| Right | July 3, 2012

Me: “Was there any particular style of glasses you where looking for today?”

Customer: “I’m looking for some horn rimmed, half-moon spectacles.”

(As an avid Harry Potter fan, I recognize this as the word-for-word description of a certain character’s glasses.)

Me: “I’m sorry, Professor Dumbledore, but I believe we sold our last pair this morning.”

Customer: *surprised* “Oh, wow! I really wasn’t expecting anyone to catch that!”

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(Not So) Great Scott

| Working | May 28, 2012

(I have woken up with a serious vision problem and decide to see the eye doctor as soon as possible. I call the same eye care facility I have been using for the past six years and am given an appointment for three in the afternoon.)

Me: “Hi, I have a 3:00 appointment?”

Employee #1: “What? No, that’s not right. This guy over here is the 3:00.”

(There are four different employees behind the counter, and in the course of the next five minutes, they all proceed to question and very nearly BERATE me, suggesting that I don’t know where I made the appointment. Finally, one of them pages backward through the appointment book.)

Employee #2: “Here it is! Your appointment was for 3:00 yesterday afternoon. You were supposed to come in yesterday!”

Me: “I made the appointment this morning. Why would I have made it for yesterday?!”

Employee #2: “Who did you talk to when you made the appointment?”

Me: “He said his name was Scott.”

All four employees, in unison: “Ohhhhh…”

(I never did get an apology.)

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If Only You Could See How Dumb You Look

| Right | March 23, 2012

(A customer calls in to check the status of his glasses. They have been here for several months because he hasn’t paid his balance in full. His account is therefore in collections.)

Me: “Thank you for selecting [store]. This is [name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I want my glasses. My name is [name]. They need to be shipped to my new address.”

Me: *checks for his glasses* “Okay, sir, it appears you have an unpaid balance on your account. Your glasses were sent to corporate for unpaid fee and for not picking them up within 60 days.”

Customer: “Why do I have a balance?! I can’t see and you are rude! Give me the glasses. Here is the address….”

(The customer gives his new address, which happens to be out of state.)

Me: “Sir, I apologize for the inconvenience. Let me take down your information and give you a call back.

Customer: “Fine! You are awful at your job. I got glasses and now you’re keeping them from me. You want me to suffer?!”

Me: “No, sir. Let me call you back.”

(I find out the customer is not eligible for his insurance and he now owes the full balance for his glasses. There’s nothing I can do, but I call him back to inform him.)

Customer: “What do you mean I don’t have insurance?! I just used it last week. This is ridiculous! Are you that stupid?! Send me my glasses TODAY! Now!”

Me: “Sir, there’s nothing I can do. You owe $130.98 for the glasses. You have to pay it before we can get them to—”

Customer: “Why do you need those glasses so much? You can’t afford to send them to me? What kind of business is this?!”

Me: “I have no control over your insurance and I don’t know what you want me to do. Either pay for the glasses or call back when you can.”

Customer: “I demand my glasses now!”

Me: “You have Indiana Medicaid and now you live in another state. Maybe that’s why you no longer are insured. You want me to send you a free pair of glasses and be insured by a state you no longer live in?”

Customer: “Yes! Do it.”

Me: “Sorry, I can’t do it even if I wanted to.”

Customer: “But I’m blind! I can’t see anything.”

Me: “Sir, you have the lowest possible prescription that we make glasses for.”

Customer: *click*

(He calls back everyday for two weeks and curses everyone out, including my manager. Thankfully, he eventually pays the balance.)

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