(Not So) Great Scott

| Allentown, PA, USA | Working | May 28, 2012

(I have woken up with a serious vision problem and decide to see the eye doctor as soon as possible. I call the same eye care facility I have been using for the past six years and am given an appointment for three in the afternoon.)

Me: “Hi, I have a 3:00 appointment?”

Employee #1: “What? No, that’s not right. This guy over here is the 3:00.”

(There are four different employees behind the counter, and in the course of the next five minutes, they all proceed to question and very nearly BERATE me, suggesting that I don’t know where I made the appointment. Finally, one of them pages backward through the appointment book.)

Employee #2: “Here it is! Your appointment was for 3:00 yesterday afternoon. You were supposed to come in yesterday!”

Me: “I made the appointment this morning. Why would I have made it for yesterday?!”

Employee #2: “Who did you talk to when you made the appointment?”

Me: “He said his name was Scott.”

All four employees, in unison: “Ohhhhh…”

(I never did get an apology.)

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If Only You Could See How Dumb You Look

| Indianapolis, IN, USA | Right | March 23, 2012

(A customer calls in to check the status of his glasses. They have been here for several months because he hasn’t paid his balance in full. His account is therefore in collections.)

Me: “Thank you for selecting [store]. This is [name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I want my glasses. My name is [name]. They need to be shipped to my new address.”

Me: *checks for his glasses* “Okay, sir, it appears you have an unpaid balance on your account. Your glasses were sent to corporate for unpaid fee and for not picking them up within 60 days.”

Customer: “Why do I have a balance?! I can’t see and you are rude! Give me the glasses. Here is the address….”

(The customer gives his new address, which happens to be out of state.)

Me: “Sir, I apologize for the inconvenience. Let me take down your information and give you a call back.

Customer: “Fine! You are awful at your job. I got glasses and now you’re keeping them from me. You want me to suffer?!”

Me: “No, sir. Let me call you back.”

(I find out the customer is not eligible for his insurance and he now owes the full balance for his glasses. There’s nothing I can do, but I call him back to inform him.)

Customer: “What do you mean I don’t have insurance?! I just used it last week. This is ridiculous! Are you that stupid?! Send me my glasses TODAY! Now!”

Me: “Sir, there’s nothing I can do. You owe $130.98 for the glasses. You have to pay it before we can get them to—”

Customer: “Why do you need those glasses so much? You can’t afford to send them to me? What kind of business is this?!”

Me: “I have no control over your insurance and I don’t know what you want me to do. Either pay for the glasses or call back when you can.”

Customer: “I demand my glasses now!”

Me: “You have Indiana Medicaid and now you live in another state. Maybe that’s why you no longer are insured. You want me to send you a free pair of glasses and be insured by a state you no longer live in?”

Customer: “Yes! Do it.”

Me: “Sorry, I can’t do it even if I wanted to.”

Customer: “But I’m blind! I can’t see anything.”

Me: “Sir, you have the lowest possible prescription that we make glasses for.”

Customer: *click*

(He calls back everyday for two weeks and curses everyone out, including my manager. Thankfully, he eventually pays the balance.)

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More Invasive Than You’d Like

| Huddersfield, UK | Right | February 6, 2012

(I work at an optician’s office. We provide a service for customers who are diabetic where they can have a retinal screening.)

Me: “Can I help you, sir?”

Patient: *loudly* “I’m here for a diabetic rectal screening!”

(There is an uncomfortable pause while the patient digests what he has just boomed out to the whole shop in a very loud voice.)

Me: “Er…”

Patient: “I think I got that wrong.”

Me: “Slightly, sir.”

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The Terrors Of Terminology

| Guildford, Surrey, England, UK | Right | December 1, 2011

(People have all sorts of names for the sides, or temples, of spectacle frames. I have heard them called “legs”, “props”, “wings”, and “crutches”, among other things. A very strident woman marches into our practice with her teenage daughter in tow.)

Customer: *loudly* “I want you to spread my daughter’s legs. They won’t go behind her ears.”

Me: *speechless*

Customer’s daughter: *speechless and cringing with embarrassment*


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Some Customers Are Just Not Mourning People

| Columbus, OH, USA | Right | May 27, 2011

Me: “Just calling to let you know that the glasses you ordered have come in.”

Customer: “Awesome, I’ll be there. Now I can leave this funeral early…”

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