Only One Left

| Sweden | Extra Stupid, Health & Body

(I am an optometrist, selling glasses and contact lenses. A customer calls me up to ask about some contact lenses I sent to him in the mail.)

Customer: “Hi, I’m just calling to ask you which of the lenses is for which eye!”

Me: “I’m sorry! I am usually so careful about these things. I can’t believe I forgot to mark them.”

Customer: “Yeah, it says ‘right’ on one of the boxes, but what about the other one?”

Me: “Uh, then the other one would be for your left eye.”

Customer: “Great, thanks!” *hangs up*

More Deaf Than Blind

| AZ, USA | Health & Body, Technology

(One of our eye tests works by patients clicking a remote when they see some shimmery lines, and is set up where the face-plate slides into place to test the individual eyes. The patient has already informed me that he has a glass eye in the right socket. This machine can sometimes be very temperamental when a test is in progress, so I want to explain the test before I mess around too much with it and skip his glass eye. It’s still currently set on the right eye as the default.)

Me: “On this first test, when you look inside there, you’re going to see a little—”

Patient: “I can’t see out of that eye.”

Me: Yes, sir, I know that. I can skip this eye when I get the test started, but I wanted to explain the directions first. Now, you’re going to see a little black spot right in the center and—”

Patient: “But I can’t see out of that eye.”

Me: “Yes, I know that, sir. I can skip that eye in just a moment. You’re going to see the black dot in the center and there are some very faint, sort of wiggly lines—”

Patient: “But I can’t see out of this eye.”

(The patient continues to put his face into the machine which is still on the right eye.)

Me: “I know that, sir. You’re going to see a black dot in the center and some faint, wiggly lines and that’s just a preview of what the test looks like. When—”

Patient: “I can’t see out of this eye!”

Me: “I can skip that one. When the test starts, and I’ll let you know when that is, I just need you to look—”

Patient: “I can’t see out of this eye!”

(I am now ignoring him to get through my directions.)

Me: “When the test starts, you need to look at the black spot in the center and click on the clicker whenever you see those wiggly lines.”

Patient: “I can’t see out of this eye, though!”

Me: “I need you to sit back for me so I can get the machine ready to just test your left eye.”

(The patient sits back and I slide the face-plate over for the left eye. I put in the settings to get the machine to skip the right eye, and am just about to start on the left.)

Patient: “So, what am I supposed to do in this thing?”

Perceiving Percival

| Minneapolis, MN, USA | Geeks Rule, Top

Me: “Was there any particular style of glasses you where looking for today?”

Customer: “I’m looking for some horn rimmed, half-moon spectacles.”

(As an avid Harry Potter fan, I recognize this as the word-for-word description of a certain character’s glasses.)

Me: “I’m sorry, Professor Dumbledore, but I believe we sold our last pair this morning.”

Customer: *surprised* “Oh, wow! I really wasn’t expecting anyone to catch that!”

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