(I stop at the bank and go to a teller to make a large withdrawal for an upcoming purchase.)

Me: “Hi. I need to do a withdraw.” *puts card and PIN in*

Teller: “Okay, what would you like?”

Me: “I need $800. It doesn’t matter what denomination it’s in; it’s for my dealer.”

(A couple seconds of silence pass while it dawns on me what I said.)

Me: “My car dealer.”

Teller: *laughs* “I figured that’s what you meant.”

Me: “Heh, well, I just had to clarify!”

Teller: “Hey, no judging from me!”

(The teller handed me my money and I sheepishly walked out. The new car will be worth the little embarrassment, though!)

(I work in a copy shop. I come into the work first thing in the morning to find my supervisor in a panic because, apparently, there was an order from the night before that didn’t even get started, and the customer is coming in an hour after opening to pick it up, and my supervisor knows nothing about it. The email relayed to me isn’t much help, so I call my coworker to ask her what I need to do. She explains everything, and explains why there were troubles, and after understanding the order I hang up and get started on it as fast as I can. There is some design work that I need to do, as well, and I am a little stressed trying to get it done on time. The customer comes in to pick it up not twenty minutes later.)

Me: “Oh, I’ve just started it.”

Customer: “That’s okay. I’ll wait around for it. But I’ll pay for it now if you want.”

Me: “Great.” *starts ringing everything up*

Customer: “Oh, so, you’re only doing 75 cards, right?”

Me: “75 pages with two cards on a page, which gives you 150 cards. Right?”

Customer: “I want two on a page, yes, but I only want 75 cards total.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I must have misunderstood. I thought you wanted 150 cards total. I already sent 75 pages to print. That’s okay; I just won’t cut and fold all of them.”

Customer: “Okay, thank you so much.”

(The customer pays for 38 sheets, and I finish the order as quickly as I can, a little stressed as she’s waiting at the counter for it to be done and I also have to multitask and help other customers at the same time. I make sure to count them all out before handing them over.)

Me: “Okay, you’ve got 76 cards here, all ready to go!”

Customer: “Oh, no, I wanted 150.”

Me: “You said you wanted 75, after I said I thought you wanted 150.”

Customer: “Well, two per sheet, and 75 sheets. Which makes 150 cards.”

(I almost pulled my hair out.)

(I work with an EMS group and we are taking people’s blood pressure for free. I am taking an older woman’s blood pressure. I am a young, white, blonde, blue-eyed guy.)

Woman: “Are you finished?”

Me: “No, I just started.”

Woman: “No, no. Are you Finnish? My granddaughter is Finnish—“ *points to her beautiful, blonde granddaughter* “—and she is single.”

Me: “Oh, no, sorry. I’m married.”

Customer Next To Me: “I’m Finnish!”

(I bet you $5 he wasn’t.)

(I see a boy come into the store and go right for the candy. I follow him and he detours but comes back to the candy moments later. I see him take candy with his hands, instead of the scoop provided, and no bag, meaning he’s going to steal it.)

Me: “Sorry, no tasting of candy allowed. It’s stealing.”

Kid: “I was gonna pay for it.”

Me: *not believing him* “Oh, really? Well, then, I can help you at the front.” *grabs a bag, puts his candy in it, and gets him to follow me to the front*

Kid: “I don’t have any money.”

Me: “So, you weren’t stealing candy, and you were gonna pay for it, but you don’t have any money? Listen, kid. I’ve gotten people kicked out of the mall for stealing but I’m giving you a chance to pay.”

(Then, some random woman who has been listening nearby pops into the conversation.)

Woman: “I’ll pay. How much is it?”

Me: “The total came to 75 cents.”

Woman: “Here. You know, I don’t like your attitude.”

Me: “Excuse me? I caught this kid stealing—“

Woman: “How did you know he was stealing?”

Me: “Well, he took candy with his hands, without using a bag, and he said he didn’t have any money.”

Woman: “Your attitude is horrible! What’s your name?”

(I give her my name and, despite me wearing a nametag, she spells it wrong.)

Woman: “What’s your last name?”

Me: “I don’t have to give that to you.”

Woman: “What’s your badge number?”

Me: “Let me just call my manager.”

(She rants to my manager, and afterward, he pulls me aside.)

Manager: “You did nothing wrong; don’t worry.”

(That was the first time I saw someone stand up for someone stealing!)

(The restaurant I work in has a Tuesday night dinner special for a three-course dinner for two at a very reduced rate, eat-in only. On Thursday, a lady calls:)

Caller: “Do you do take-out?”

Me: “Yes.”

Caller: “Can I get the Thursday night special?”

Me: “There is a Tuesday night special, but it is eat-in only.”

Caller: “So, I can’t get the Tuesday night special tonight for take-out, then?”

Me: “No, ma’am, you can’t get the eat-in only Tuesday night special for take-out on Thursday.”

Caller: “Fine, I guess I won’t be ordering anything.” *click*

(I didn’t feel the least bit bad.)