Ph.Duh.

, , , , | Right | May 31, 2017

(We are just about to close shop. A woman is talking to my manager about an e-reader case.)

Customer: “That’s false advertising. On your website it says this ereader case is $7.50.”

Manager: “That is a similar looking case. They have different SKUs.”

Customer: “But I don’t see it. You should give me that price.”

Manager: “Our website has many items where our store only has a limited amount of stock.”

(The customer goes on how the case should be that price. I notice she is still in the store when I go to close the doors, so I leave one door open and one locked. I come to see my manager to see what the problem is.)

Manager: “We can give you the price of this case for that one you saw on the website.”

Customer: “I have a student card!”

(We give student deals. My manager looks at the student card carefully.)

Manager: “Uh… this card is from 2006.”

Customer: “I am doing my Ph.D. It takes a long time, you know; it’s a Ph.D.”

Manager: “You don’t have an updated student card that is renewed?”

Customer: “I’m doing my PH.D part time!”

Manager: “Still, eight years. That’s a long time ago.”

Customer: “Isn’t there anyone else I can talk to?”

Me: “He is the manager so there is no one else.”

Customer: “What about your head office?”

Me: “They close between 4:00 and 4:30, and it’s 6:00. You can’t contact them at this time.”

(The customer goes off about how her student card is valid, and how I don’t know about the head office because I don’t know the exact time they close, and how we have poor customer service. We give her the discount and she finally pays for the item.)

Manager: “We’ll contact head office for you since they are closed at this time. What is your phone number?”

Customer: “I’m not giving it to you!”

Manager: “How they can contact you?”

Customer: “I’m filing a complaint!”

(On the way out she tries to force the locked door open. She is pushing the locked door to the point where it almost breaks. I can’t help but laugh.)

Customer: “She is laughing at me!”

(I laugh harder while my manager opens the unlocked door for her, making exiting seem easy.)

Me: “She is doing a Ph.D. and she can’t even open a door!”

Manager: “No wonder her degree is taking her eight years.”

Fro-Yo-No-No

, , , , | Right | May 30, 2017

(The frozen yogurt shop I work at is in a plaza, next door to a chicken-themed restaurant. I am working one afternoon when a man rushes in and straight up to the counter.)

Me: “Hi, how are you?”

Customer: *hurriedly* “Hi, I placed an order with you. I hope it’s ready—”

(I panic a little, as I was not informed of any order, nor did I see one in the freezer, and he sounds a bit desperate. I am about to reply when the man suddenly starts looking all around.)

Customer: “Oh, this isn’t the chicken place.”

Me: *relieved* “No… it isn’t.”

Customer: “Okay, sorry.”

(He leaves to go next door, and I am left wondering how he confused a bright, vibrant frozen yogurt shop with an under-lit, drab chicken place. I guess he was really in a hurry! I hope his order was ready!)

The Guys Who Linger In Lingerie

, , , | Romantic | May 25, 2017

(I am about 16 or 17 working at a low end department store in the lingerie department. I am also tiny, 5’0″ – 110 lbs, and look much younger than my age. A man who looks to be in his 50s or 60s comes in and starts browsing while creepily staring at me. I can feel him staring and notice that he has undone the top few buttons of his shirt. As I am trying to figure out what to do he grabs something off the rack and approaches me holding up a tiny, yellow lace negligee.)

Customer: “Excuse me, you are about the same size as my wife and I was wondering if you could try this on for me so I can see how it’ll look like on my wife.”

Me: “Uh, NO!”

(Cue security escorting him out.)

An Emerging Emergency

, , , | Related | March 31, 2016

(I’m a 911 operator. While I do my best to help people in emergencies, we occasionally get some unnecessary calls.)

Me: “911, what’s the emergency?”

Child: “MOMMY, IT’S REAL!”

(I hear the child running and then I hear this conversation.)

Mother: “What’s real?”

Child: “911! I thought it was only on TV.”

Mother: “You called 911?! You know that’s only for emergencies. You’re grounded for a week. Please apologize to the person on the phone.”

(The child is back on the phone.)

Child: “Sorry. Mommy said I can only call you if it’s an emergency.”

Me: “That’s okay, but don’t make that mistake again or you will get in trouble.”

Child: “I know. Bye.”

Me: “Bye.”

(30 minutes pass and I get a call from the same child.)

Me: “911, what’s the emergency?”

Child: “Mommy stole my DS!”

Has Some Holiday Daddy Issues

, , , | Right | July 9, 2015

(The store I work at has multiple signs advertising for Father’s Day promotions, which is next week.)

Customer: “Is tomorrow Father’s Day? I don’t want to miss it.”

Me: “No, I don’t think so. I’m pretty sure it’s next week, but I’m not 100% sure.”

Customer: “You don’t know?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry, but I can check for you if you’d like?”

Customer: *very snidely* “How can you not know? What, don’t you have a father?”

Me: “No. Actually, I don’t.”

(He blushed, apologized, and left quickly.)

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