Customer: “I’m checking to see if my order is in. I got an email a little while ago saying that it was put on hold, but I want to see if it’s here.”

Me: “You got an email saying it was on hold? Did it say why?”

Customer: “No, something about using a credit card, but I didn’t use a credit card.”

(She shows me her receipt which tells me that she ordered it at our online kiosk in the store.)

Me: “Okay, well, I’ll check to see if it’s here, but if they put it on hold, you would have had to do something like call them or something in order for it to go through.”

Customer: “It says there’s a problem with the credit card, but I used a debit card.”

Me: “It would have been a Visa debit or a Mastercard debit, which makes the online system think it’s a credit card. But I’ll check first to see if your order is here.”

(It’s not.)

Me: “Okay, it’s not here. Do you have the email they sent you?”

(The customer shows me on her phone.)

Me: “Okay, it says that they couldn’t authorize your card, and they needed you to call them to make sure the card is yours, or for you to go to your bank and make sure there are no issues with your card.”

Customer: “You’re not listening to me. It says credit card in the email and I didn’t use a credit card.”

Me: “You used a Mastercard debit, which makes online stores think it’s a credit card. We know it’s not a credit card, but when you use a credit-debit online, it tricks the computer into thinking it’s a credit card. That’s one of the reasons they’re a thing.”

Customer: “I didn’t do it online; I did it in store.”

Me: “Yes, at our kiosk, which is essentially our online store. So, you have to call the online number, or you have to go to your bank to see if there is a problem with your card that can be fixed. But it could just be that the billing address was typed in wrong, and they want to verify it. It happens sometimes.”

Customer: “So, you’re telling me there’s nothing you can do?”

Me: “You can go to your bank and make sure there isn’t a problem with your card, or you can call the online number, which I can give you, and ask them how to sort it out. Unfortunately, I can’t do anything for you at store level because it’s an issue with the online store.”

Customer: “Yeah, but it’s saying there is a problem with my credit card, and I didn’t use a credit card!”

Me: “I know. I told you it just thinks it’s a credit card because you used a Mastercard debit on the online kiosk. Our kiosk only takes Visa or Mastercard debit cards, because it only works on credit cards, and it thinks Mastercard and Visa debits are credit cards.”

Customer: “I didn’t use a credit card!”

Me: “I know. But there is still a problem with it, and they won’t ship your item until it’s sorted out.”

Customer: “Well, then, I want to buy one in store.”

Me: “We don’t carry this item in-store; that’s probably why the associate brought you to our kiosk in the first place.”

Customer: “So, you’re telling me there’s nothing you can do?”

Me: “As I said, you can go to your bank, or you can call the online number. It’s right here in your email.”

Customer: “But it says that if I don’t reply within two days, the order will be cancelled, and this was sent to me last week.”

Me: “Why didn’t you do anything about it last week?”

Customer: “I wanted to see if it would come in, anyway.”

Me: “You may have to call online and have them place the order again.”

Customer: “So, there’s nothing you can do?”

Me: “I already gave you all your options.”

Customer: “THIS IS TERRIBLE CUSTOMER SERVICE! I’M NEVER SHOPPING HERE AGAIN!”

(I work at the front desk at a very well-known hotel chain. The phone rings.)

Me: “Hello, [Guest Services], this is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Hi, I’d like to make a reservation.”

Me: “Great! What’s the date of arrival?”

Caller: “I don’t know! It’s for a wedding!”

Me: “Okay… However, I’ll need a date of arrival to look up because there are a lot of weddings happening this year and next. Do you have the invitation?”

Caller: “No! It’s not my job! It’s your job to know the dates!”

Me: “Actually, it’s only my job to make the reservation, sir. Why don’t you call me back when you know the date of arrival?”

Caller: “F***, really? You should know the date for me!”

Me: “Have a wonderful night, sir!” *click*

My friend and I popped by a well-known drug store so I could pick up some medicine for my cold. She noticed that tampons were on sale and grabbed a box, along with some chapstick. We got up to the register, I paid for my medicine, and she put the tampons and chapstick on the counter.

The guy at the register visibly paled upon seeing the box and used the chapstick to push the box onto the scanner and then into a bag so that he wouldn’t have to touch an unopened box of tampons. I know periods are bad, but you do realize you don’t magically get them if you touch a box of tampons, right?

(My wife and I start dating in 2010. I am the first — and only — real boyfriend she has ever had. We date for two years, get engaged, and are together for another two years before we officially tie the knot. We deal with long distances, being in college, and holding off until we both graduate — I am a year ahead of her. On top of that, we go through premarital counseling with the pastor who marries us. The only thing we don’t do is actually live together, because of our shared religious beliefs. To say we have a solid relationship would be an understatement. My wife’s aunt is two-times divorced, going through marital problems with her eventual ex-husband, and has an all-around polar opposite personality and lifestyle of ours. This phone call happens about two months before our wedding, while my wife is in full-on planning mode with her mom.)

Wife: “Hello? Oh, hi, [Aunt]!”

Aunt: “Hi, [Wife], I’m just RSVPing for your wedding. We are not going to be there.”

Wife: “Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that.”

Aunt: “Yeah, we just don’t feel like we can support your marriage to [My Name]. You guys barely know each other, you’ve never dated anyone else, and you two haven’t even lived together! I just don’t think you guys are going to make it, and I don’t want to see you make the same mistake I did. You’re young; you should go out and date other people. Really make sure [My Name] is the one you want to spend the rest of your life with.”

Wife: “I’m really sorry to hear that, [Aunt]. We were really looking forward to seeing all of you. If it makes you feel any better, [My Name] and I have a really solid foundation. We’ve been doing [everything I mentioned above], and we’ve dealt with the different bumps in our relationship so far with open and honest conversations. We don’t ‘fight’ but we make sure to talk things out and not bottle up our emotions. If you really can’t support us or come I understand, but we would still love to have you at the wedding, even if only so we can see [cousins 20+ years younger than her]. I’d really just love to have all the family there.”

Aunt: “Oh, well, I guess we could try to come. I’m sorry I didn’t trust your judgement about [My Name]. Now, I just don’t know what kind of gift to get you. Is there something not on your registry that you’d like?”

Wife: “Well, the only thing we didn’t put on the registry was a [Brand] stand mixer because we knew it was more than most people could afford and we had enough other expensive things on there that we thought were more important.”

Aunt: “Great! What color do you want?”

(And that’s how my wife caused her aunt to guilt trip herself into buying us a red [Brand] stand mixer for our wedding. We just passed our five-year anniversary and had our second kid. Our marriage is stronger than ever. I’m super glad my wife didn’t let her aunt or anyone else talk her out of marrying me!)

Like most restaurants, we accept reservations. I overhear in the kitchen that a group — or family — of six wants to make a reservation. Not a problem. Shortly after, the server dealing with the reservation comes into the kitchen and says, “They made a reservation for six, but brought a kid along, making the reservation for seven. They thought it wouldn’t be a problem, and that we could make room for him.”

I just shake my head and laugh, because in what universe does that make sense?