The State Of Our Business Is None Of Yours

, , , , | Right | July 6, 2018

(I work at a major electronic retailer. After the holidays, we look at every four-foot section in the store, tear it apart, clean it, and redo it. It has taken us longer this year since corporate was unsure how they wanted it done. This occurs while one aisle is undergoing planogram changes.)

Customer: “Are you guys going out of business?!”

Me: “No? Why would you think that?”

Customer: *looks annoyed and gestures vaguely around store* “All of the empty shelves!”

Me: “Oh! Every year after the holidays we do planogram changes, so we move product and shelving around. I assure you, we are not going out of business.”

Customer: *snorts* “Yeah, sure.” *starts leaving with her son* “I think they’re going out of business.”

(Lady, we’re the only electronic retailer in the area; you’d better hope we’re not going out of business!)

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How To Treat Dog-Breath

, , , , , | Healthy | July 6, 2018

(I am a veterinary technician and sometimes I leave work still wearing scrubs.)

Cashier: “So, you work at the dental office in this plaza, right?”

Me: “Nope, I’m a veterinary technician. I work at the vet clinic over there.” *gesturing*

Other Customer: “What’s that?”

Me: “I’m a nurse for animals.”

Other Customer: “Oh. There’s this mouth-wash I’ve been meaning to try. The stuff from [Human Brand]. Can you tell me if it’s any good?”

Me: “Um… I’m a veterinary technician. I nurse animals.”

Other Customer: “It’s all the same. So, can you tell me if the mouthwash is any good?”

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Scams From Beyond The Grave

, , | Legal | July 4, 2018

(We just got back to my grandfather’s house from burying my grandmother. The phone rings and I answer. A man is on the other end, and in my emotional exhaustion I don’t understand, so I ask him to repeat. He is calling to notify us that we won several thousand dollars. Since it’s not my house, I ask for the exact winner, even though I suspect a scam.)

Caller: “Oh, [Grandmother] won.”

(Now I know it’s a scam, and even though I’m annoyed I try to stay polite.)

Me: “Sir, this is not funny. We just finished burying her; she died a week ago. Please don’t call again.”

Caller: “What do you mean?”

Me: “She is dead. I find this rude and disrespectful.”

Caller: “Are you her daughter?”

Me: “No, her granddaughter, and please do not call here again.”

Caller “Would you like her winnings? I just need your name.”

(Now I’m getting mad.)

Me: “Oh, really? How did she win?”

Caller: “By paying her bills on time and shopping at her favourite shops—”

(I start laughing.)

Caller: “What is so funny?”

Me: “She has been in a home for five years with dementia and hasn’t known who I am for over three years. How the h*** did she go shopping?!”

(The man hangs up on me. Thinking that is the end I try not to alert my grandfather and the rest of the family so they don’t get upset. About ten minutes later the phone rings again and I grab the phone. Sadly my grandfather hears it ring this time and also comes over.)

Caller: “Do you know who this is?”

Me: “The man I spoke to about ten minutes ago.”

Caller: “Are you ready to accept your money now?”

Grandfather: “Who is it?”

Me: “Sir, as I told you this is rude and disrespectful. This is a scam; please leave us alone.”

Grandfather: “Who is it?”

Caller: “Would the man I hear be interested?”

(Now I don’t care.)

Me: “Hold on. I’ll ask.”

(I do not cover the mouthpiece so he can hear:)

Me: “The man on the line says Grandma won several thousand dollars; I told him of her death and is now offering the money to anyone who wants it.”

Grandfather: *grabs the phone* “How dare you?! She is dead! This is a scam! Never call back again!”

(His voice was shaking with anger as he slammed the phone down. I honestly would not have been angry if, when I told him of her death, he said sorry and left it at that, but him trying to continue the scam has caused me to lose faith in humanity.)

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Making You Go Postal

, , , , , | Working | July 2, 2018

(I get to the post office late, but before they close at five. I wait at the counter for almost ten minutes.)

Employee: “I’m closed; you have to come back tomorrow.”

Me: “When did you close?”

Employee: “5:03.”

Me: “Its only 5:01 now, and I’ve been here almost ten minutes.”

Employee: “My watch says 5:10.”

Me: *pointing* “The clocks there, there, and there agree with me.”

(I have him get a supervisor, explain the story, and she verifies.)

Supervisor: “Can you please get this man his package?”

Employee: “I can’t.”

Supervisor: “Why not?”

Employee: “It’ll take ten minutes to get the system back up then shut it down again.”

Supervisor: “Sorry, there’s nothing he can do.”

(I was not impressed with the supervisor. If you decide to not do your job and hide in the back so you don’t have to do any work for at least ten minutes, a little unpaid “overtime” seem reasonable to me; balances the books.)

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Escorting You Directly To Karma

, , , , , | Working | June 30, 2018

(I work for a very large company and have just accepted a new job offer that is closer to home and pays more. I don’t start my new position for another month or so, but I still want to give my notice. While waiting for the right time to hand in my notice, another coworker hands her notice in and our manager has her immediately escorted out of the building by security in the middle of lunch hour. I go to the HR Director that I am familiar with to have a conversation about something unrelated, but I bring this situation up.)

Me: “Was [Coworker]’s leaving considered a termination or a resignation?”

HR Director: *quite shocked* “It was a resignation, of course! Why would you even ask that?”

Me: “I’ve never seen anyone immediately escorted out of a job after giving their two-weeks notice; that’s all.”

HR Director: “Well, it’s up to the manager to deal with it how they see fit.”

(Not happy about that answer, I decided to play the system, since I was leaving, anyway. Just before lunch on the Friday I decided would be my last, I walk into my manager’s office and handed in my notice. True to form, I was asked to pack up my desk, and then to be escorted out. As the security guards came up, I handed each one a box of my belongings and started walking to the elevators. They followed me to my car, through the cafeteria, the common rooms, and the main lobby while I smiled and waved at all the folks I knew. Apparently, the manager was reprimanded and is now no longer allowed to have people walked out of the building for resigning. I enjoyed a two-week paid vacation, while they figured out what to do with my workflows after I left.)

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