(I’m a cashier at a retail chain; the location I work at is in a mall. The customer I’m ringing up has a child with her who looks about seven or eight.)

Child: *apropos of nothing* “You know there’s an A&W upstairs, right?”

Me: *wondering where this could possibly be going* “Yes.”

Child: “Then why do you sell root beer?”

(His mom and I both laugh.)

Me: “Because sometimes people like to buy root beer in places other than A&W.”

(He didn’t say anything else, so I assume my answer satisfied him. I love when kids ask questions like that!)

(I work as a cashier at a retail chain. I am ringing up a customer who’s buying a water flosser.)

Me: “How has your day been?”

Customer: “Oh, it was fine until I got here.”

Me: “Oh, no! What happened?”

Customer: “I asked your manager about replacement picks for this, and she didn’t know! Isn’t that sick?”

Me: *disagreeing but not wanting to argue* “Um… Yeah, unfortunately, even our managers don’t know everything about all our products.”

Customer: “She should’ve asked someone who would know! She told me to try [Different Store]! Can you believe that?”

Me: *not knowing what to say anymore* “…”

(What I wanted to say was, “What else was she supposed to do?”, but I didn’t say it because I didn’t want to make him angrier or start an argument. I talked to the manager in question later, and she was so upset about her interaction with this customer that I ended up wishing I HAD said it. She tried everything she could to help him. She looked on the shelves for replacement picks, but it was clear we didn’t have any; she offered to help him read the instructions to see if they could shed any light, but he wasn’t interested. Since there was nothing else she could do to help him, she recommended that he try a different retail chain, or the online store where he had already seen the picks before. He berated her for not being more helpful. Since we didn’t sell the replacement picks he wanted, neither of us is sure what else he expected her to do aside from suggesting another store. Perhaps he expected her to know exactly which stores sold them? We don’t even know about every product that WE sell.)

(I’m a cashier at a retail chain. Our store officially does not do no-receipt returns, but the machines are technically capable of processing them if you get authorization from a supervisor. I have supervisors who might allow them in special cases; the only time I ever did one is when it was a newspaper that the customer had bought from me only a few minutes ago before realizing it was the wrong one. One day, a woman comes in with a few boxes of hair dye in a bag.)

Customer: “Hi, I’d like to return these.”

Me: “Sure! Do you have the receipt?”

Customer: “No. My stupid boyfriend bought these yesterday and didn’t get a receipt. These are all the wrong colour; I’m not going to use these.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t do a return without a receipt.”

Customer: *sounding genuinely confused* “Why not?”

(I don’t know how to respond to this, since I would think it would be obvious that without a receipt, I can’t verify that these products were even purchased here, let alone who purchased them and when. So, I simply tell her that we’re not allowed. But, because I like to explore all my options before denying a customer’s request, I offer to ask a supervisor if there’s anything we can do. However, I strongly suspect that there’s no way he’ll approve a return on such expensive items without proof of purchase, and I’m doing this mostly so that she doesn’t have to take my word for it. My supervisor arrives.)

Customer: “My boyfriend bought all these yesterday and they’re the wrong colour, and I’m never going to use them. But the idiot didn’t get a receipt.”

Supervisor: “I’m sorry, we can’t return them, then. I don’t have any way to look them up in the system without a receipt.”

Customer: “Well, that sucks. So, what am I supposed to do with these?”

Supervisor: “Perhaps try [Different Chain]; they do no-receipt returns, so they might take them. Or try to sell them online.”

Customer: “Or kick my boyfriend’s a**?”

Me: “I guess you could try that.”

(I chatted with a different supervisor about this incident, and he mused that she might have been trying to scam us, and that the boxes might have been stolen to begin with. I think it’s a possibility, as I noticed the boxes looked very scuffed and old despite her claim that they’d been bought the day before. Scammer or not, at least she wasn’t rude to us and didn’t give us a hard time when we denied her.)

(The company’s head office is out of California somewhere, and that is where the call is originating from. I’m in Canada.)

Caller: “Hi. This is [Caller] with [Company]. We noticed your membership with us has been inactive for quite some time. Is there anything I can do to get you to sign up with us again?”

Me: “I was very happy with your program, but the location I was frequenting has closed and now I’m with [Competitor]. Do you have another Ottawa location?”

Caller: “Yes! We have one at [address]!”

Me: “That’s the one that closed.”

Caller: “Oh, really? Well, how about the one in Brampton?”

Me: “That’s almost a five-hour drive from here.”

Caller: “Toronto?”

Me: “Four hours.”

Caller: “Oh… I’m going to butcher the name on this one. Miss… Miss…”

Me: “Mississauga? That’s further than Toronto.”

Caller: “Oh. I guess we don’t have anything near you.”

Me: “I didn’t think so. Thanks for calling, I guess? Let me know if you open an operation in Ottawa again.”

(I work at a popular fast food joint, and I mostly do front orders. My coworker on drive-thru has asked me to take an order on the headset for her, and because I have no orders, I say I will.)

Me: “Hi, welcome to [Restaurant]. What can I get for you?”

Customer #1: “Hi. I’d like a number two combo with a Coke, and that’s everything.” 

Me: “Awesome. Will that be for here or to go?”

(Hearing my own mistake, I quickly correct it by telling the now laughing customers to drive on through. Another car pulls up immediately after, who apparently knew the car ahead.) 

Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

Customer #2: “Hi, I’d like a coffee and a muffin. Oh, and I’d like it for here?”

Me: “Woooow.”