Paperclipped Their Wings

, , , , | Friendly | September 8, 2018

(I’m a cashier at a retail chain; this location is inside a mall. One day, a couple of kids, looking around 12 years old, approach my cash register. They hold up a paperclip and explain that they’re trying to replicate the famous “one red paperclip” experiment, in which you start out with a small, low-value object, such as a paperclip, and try to obtain something of much higher value through a series of barters. They ask if there’s anything in the store I can give them in exchange for the paperclip.)

Me: “Um… no, I can’t take a paperclip as payment. I don’t think there’s any store here that will.”

(They thank me and leave. Their speech sounded rehearsed and they didn’t look discouraged in the least, so I assume that they have already tried other stores in the mall and have every intention of trying more. The next customer in line comes to the counter.)

Customer: “Well, that was… bold.”

(I’ve actually always wanted to try this experiment myself, and the original “one red paperclip” experiment is possibly older than those kids are, so I’m rather impressed that they’ve heard of it and that they had the initiative to go for it. I guess they didn’t understand that you trade the items with people, and not stores. I wish I could track them down and find out if their experiment got anywhere!)

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Unfiltered Story #119555

, , | Unfiltered | September 5, 2018

(I’m a cart pusher at a popular grocery store in town. At the end of evening shifts, I usually buy something as a late-night snack. Tonight, it was pretty busy ten minutes before closing. We only had two cashiers left and they both had a long line of customers. I get into the express line with my snacks, which has about ten people in front of me. One of them has about thirty or forty items, well over the sixteen-item limit for express, in his cart and is getting annoyed and talking to himself.)

Customer: “Someone open another f***in’ register, Jesus Christ!”

(I thought nothing of that comment, since I see people frustrated with long lines all the time here. After a few seconds, I decide that the wait wasn’t worth it. I put the snacks back, clock out and go outside to wait for my dad, who’s still shopping inside. A few minutes later, my dad comes to the truck.

Me: “Pretty busy, eh?”

Dad: “Yeah, you should have seen one of the guys in front of me! He was yelling for someone to open another register and he chucked his cart aside on the way out!”

(I think I can guess who he was talking about.)

Unfiltered Story #119554

, , , | Unfiltered | September 5, 2018

(I’m the dumb customer in this story. The grocery store my Mom and I sometimes go to has a liquor section. Originally, you were allowed to pay for your alcohol and grocery purchases here. Except for today, there was a sign that said only alcohol purchases were to be made at this till. My Mom went off to find some alcohol purchases, while I was left with the cart. I was anxious for her to come back, because I’m at the register alone with the lady. I started unloading the groceries out of the cart to be helpful, when I’m told this:)

Cashier: Oh, I can only ring up alcohol purchases.

(My Mom came back, just as I was shown the sign. I told my Mom:)

Me: I was about to unload the cart, and I didn’t see the sign there.

Mom: The sign’s right there. (Literally, at the beginning of the till.)

(I’m not feeling well at the time, and I swear the cold has gone to my head. Plus, it didn’t help that the song “Take Me to Church” by Hozier was on. I f****** hate that song more than words can describe, so I was also distracted on my silent ranting of the song.)

Me: Oh, I didn’t see the sign there.

(I said that, thinking about the stories I read on here about how customers don’t see the signs. I admitted that I had a blonde moment, because of my cold. Though, my Mom didn’t blame me for starting to unload the groceries, since the till originally allowed you to do that. Now, skipping over to the Subway next door; my Mom and I went to pick up a few subs. My Mom said this:)

Mom: You can get the biggest sub and just have the second half later.

Me (thinking, before saying): How long are the biggest subs again?

Mom: Foot-long.

Me: Oh, right!

(I admitted once again that I was having increasing blonde moments today. The worker, a Pakistani man, who spoke fairly good English, questioned what I said, and my Mom’s reply was:)

Mom: She’s not quite awake yet.

(When she said that, I was just thinking, “No, I’m awake. My cold has just gone to my head.” Though, before we left the store, I went to grab drinks out of the cooler. I tried to grab for the handle that wasn’t even on that side of the cooler. After I told my Mom my third blonde moment, I thought to myself, “I shouldn’t go out, when I’m sick…)

Unfiltered Story #119086

, | Unfiltered | September 1, 2018

(My brother and I own a small bake shop. We give a discount to students, but people are always trying to scam us to get the discount when they don’t deserve it)
Me: Okay, so your total is [amount].
Customer: But what about the discount?
Me: Are you a student?
Customer: No…
Me: Then you don’t get one.
Customer: What about the family discount?
Me: …excuse me?
Customer: The owner’s my kid brother. Family gets a discount here. Didn’t they tell you when they hired your stupid a**?
Me: …one sec (I turn towards the kitchen) Yo! [brother]! Come out here for a sec
(My brother, who is 6’5″ and built like a train comes out and towers over my “brother” and I)
Brother: What?
Me: Apparently I’m not the eldest. Meet our older brother.
(the customer is starting to look pretty nervous now)
Me: Now, he’s our brother, and we should treat him with respect, but apparently I didn’t do a good enough job explaining the discount… Could you assist?
(my brother has a slight language disorder, so he doesn’t mince his words, and he does not suffer fools gladly. Now very grumpy, he turns towards our would-be brother)
Brother: Is he a student?
Me: Nope!
(Brother crouches down and looks the customer dead in the eye)
Brother: No. Discount.

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Putting You On The Burner Now

, , , , , | Related | August 31, 2018

I don’t cook very often; I only ever use the stove to make grilled cheese sandwiches. I have my own personal frying pans for this purpose. When I finish making the sandwich, I always leave the pan on the stove, but on the exact opposite burner, so that I can safely cool it down.

One day, my dad comes downstairs while I’m on the computer and starts pitching a fit at me. He scolds me for leaving a burner on. He’s burned his hand trying to get my pan away from it and turn it off. I’m confused; not only did I turn the burner off before I left — I’m not that stupid — but I always put the pan on the opposite end of the stove from the burner I used, just in case. I hate being blamed for things I didn’t do, so we end up getting into a pretty big shouting match over it.

Later on, he comes back down to apologize; the idiot who turned the burner on and left it unattended was my mom.

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