What A Deal!

, , , , | Right | March 14, 2019

(I stop at the bank and go to a teller to make a large withdrawal for an upcoming purchase.)

Me: “Hi. I need to do a withdraw.” *puts card and PIN in*

Teller: “Okay, what would you like?”

Me: “I need $800. It doesn’t matter what denomination it’s in; it’s for my dealer.”

(A couple seconds of silence pass while it dawns on me what I said.)

Me: “My car dealer.”

Teller: *laughs* “I figured that’s what you meant.”

Me: “Heh, well, I just had to clarify!”

Teller: “Hey, no judging from me!”

(The teller handed me my money and I sheepishly walked out. The new car will be worth the little embarrassment, though!)

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Very Card To Understand

, , , , | Right | March 8, 2019

(I work in a copy shop. I come into the work first thing in the morning to find my supervisor in a panic because, apparently, there was an order from the night before that didn’t even get started, and the customer is coming in an hour after opening to pick it up, and my supervisor knows nothing about it. The email relayed to me isn’t much help, so I call my coworker to ask her what I need to do. She explains everything, and explains why there were troubles, and after understanding the order I hang up and get started on it as fast as I can. There is some design work that I need to do, as well, and I am a little stressed trying to get it done on time. The customer comes in to pick it up not twenty minutes later.)

Me: “Oh, I’ve just started it.”

Customer: “That’s okay. I’ll wait around for it. But I’ll pay for it now if you want.”

Me: “Great.” *starts ringing everything up*

Customer: “Oh, so, you’re only doing 75 cards, right?”

Me: “75 pages with two cards on a page, which gives you 150 cards. Right?”

Customer: “I want two on a page, yes, but I only want 75 cards total.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I must have misunderstood. I thought you wanted 150 cards total. I already sent 75 pages to print. That’s okay; I just won’t cut and fold all of them.”

Customer: “Okay, thank you so much.”

(The customer pays for 38 sheets, and I finish the order as quickly as I can, a little stressed as she’s waiting at the counter for it to be done and I also have to multitask and help other customers at the same time. I make sure to count them all out before handing them over.)

Me: “Okay, you’ve got 76 cards here, all ready to go!”

Customer: “Oh, no, I wanted 150.”

Me: “You said you wanted 75, after I said I thought you wanted 150.”

Customer: “Well, two per sheet, and 75 sheets. Which makes 150 cards.”

(I almost pulled my hair out.)

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Can’t Finnish What She Started

, , , , , | Right Romantic | March 7, 2019

(I work with an EMS group and we are taking people’s blood pressure for free. I am taking an older woman’s blood pressure. I am a young, white, blonde, blue-eyed guy.)

Woman: “Are you finished?”

Me: “No, I just started.”

Woman: “No, no. Are you Finnish? My granddaughter is Finnish—“ *points to her beautiful, blonde granddaughter* “—and she is single.”

Me: “Oh, no, sorry. I’m married.”

Customer Next To Me: “I’m Finnish!”

(I bet you $5 he wasn’t.)

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Unfiltered Story #142765

, , | Unfiltered | March 7, 2019

(When I was a baby, something was dropped on my forehead, giving me a diagonal scar on my forehead. Combined with my glasses and messy hair, I’m told I look quite a bit like Harry Potter.)

Customer #1: Oh my God! You’re Harry Potter!

Me: Heh, I get that a lot. What can I get for you?

(The customer gives me her order, takes it and leaves.)

Customer #1: Bye, Harry!

(A few minutes later, another customer comes in, an older woman.)

Customer #2: *gives order*

Me: *gives food*

Customer #2: *is about to leave, then notices my scar* You b******!

Me: I’m sorry?

Customer #2: You look like Harry Potter!

Me: Then why did you call me that word?

Customer #2: You’ve even got the scar! You must’ve cut yourself for it! You dumba**! Why would you hurt yourself just to look like someone from such a godless book?!

Me: Well, I’m sorry ma’am, but-

Customer #2: You heathen! You stupid, useless heathen! You don’t deserve to live if you’re hurting yourself to look like something so unholy! Go do us all a favor and END YOUR D*** LIFE!

(I am so shocked at this that I don’t respond. The restaurant owner, having heard the whole exchange storms in and slams his hands on the counter.)

Owner: OK, you listen to me RIGHT NOW. We do not condone suicide encouragement, and frankly, we don’t condone rude b****es like you who make assumptions about people they don’t know! That scar is a birthmark, for God’s sake, and just because he happens to like something that you consider “unholy” doesn’t mean that he deserves to die! You are going to get out of my restaurant right now, and you are never coming back here again!

Customer #2: You little s***! He deserves to die for looking like that! If he doesn’t kill himself RIGHT NOW, I’m going to do it for him!

(The woman tries to force her way behind the counter and slaps me across the face. One of my coworkers holds her arms behind her back and keeps her there while the owner calls the police. The entire restaurant stops while the woman keeps screaming at me and we wait for the police to arrive. She starts kicking at me as well, but I’m well out of the way by now. The police arrive a few minutes later, question some customers and myself, and arrest the woman for assault. It turns out she had an outstanding warrant for her arrest, and was taken on that as well!)

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Stealing Is Sweet!

, , , , , | Right | March 6, 2019

(I see a boy come into the store and go right for the candy. I follow him and he detours but comes back to the candy moments later. I see him take candy with his hands, instead of the scoop provided, and no bag, meaning he’s going to steal it.)

Me: “Sorry, no tasting of candy allowed. It’s stealing.”

Kid: “I was gonna pay for it.”

Me: *not believing him* “Oh, really? Well, then, I can help you at the front.” *grabs a bag, puts his candy in it, and gets him to follow me to the front*

Kid: “I don’t have any money.”

Me: “So, you weren’t stealing candy, and you were gonna pay for it, but you don’t have any money? Listen, kid. I’ve gotten people kicked out of the mall for stealing but I’m giving you a chance to pay.”

(Then, some random woman who has been listening nearby pops into the conversation.)

Woman: “I’ll pay. How much is it?”

Me: “The total came to 75 cents.”

Woman: “Here. You know, I don’t like your attitude.”

Me: “Excuse me? I caught this kid stealing—“

Woman: “How did you know he was stealing?”

Me: “Well, he took candy with his hands, without using a bag, and he said he didn’t have any money.”

Woman: “Your attitude is horrible! What’s your name?”

(I give her my name and, despite me wearing a nametag, she spells it wrong.)

Woman: “What’s your last name?”

Me: “I don’t have to give that to you.”

Woman: “What’s your badge number?”

Me: “Let me just call my manager.”

(She rants to my manager, and afterward, he pulls me aside.)

Manager: “You did nothing wrong; don’t worry.”

(That was the first time I saw someone stand up for someone stealing!)

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