Well, Stone The Crows In Your Sleep!

, , , , | Friendly | October 18, 2018

My sister has gone to a sleep-away summer camp for a number of years. One of the girls turns out to talk in her sleep, but it is mainly quiet mumbling, so no one is too bothered.

There are a number of crows that love to be near the camp, an easy source for food and entertainment. They will start cawing at dawn, every day, without fail. No one can get much sleep with them partying with the sunrise.

After five days of this, my sister and her bunkmates watch as the sleep-talker grabs the pile of shoes that are at the front door, stomps to the porch, and hurls each and every shoe at the crows. She promptly goes back to bed, and the crows disappear.

After finding all of the flung footwear, my sister asks the sleep-talker what happened. It is then that she learns that the sleep-talker has no memory of the incident, and is also now a sleep-walker. At least the crows didn’t reappear for the next few days.

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Unfiltered Story #123655

, , | Unfiltered | October 17, 2018

(I’m the manager on duty this night, and my associate calls me over for help)

Associate: Can we return somethings onto a credit card without a receipt?

Me: No, we can only do store credit. Why, what’s going on?

Customer: I just, I bought these *items* and I don’t need them anymore. But I don’t want a store credit, I need the money back on my credit card.

Me: Well if you have the card with you, I can look the receipt up.

Customer: Well that’s the problem, I don’t have the card with me either.

Me: How would we put the money back on your credit card if you don’t have it with you?

Customer: Well I thought you could put it on a different card.

Me: No, I’m sorry, we can’t do that. Even with a receipt, it has to go back on the same card it was purchased on. And even now, without a receipt, there’s no way to tell how it was purchased, or if it was even purchased here. Do you know when you bought it?

Customer: No.

Me: Hmm, ok, well there isn’t much we can do. All I can do it give you store credit.

Customer: Well isn’t there a manager I can talk to about this?

Me: That’s me.

Customer: … oh …….

Me: Yeah. If you had the card on you, I would be able to find the receipt for you, and then put the refund on it. Do you happen to have the card number? Then maybe I could just let it slide for this one time and put it back on a different card for you, as long as I get proof of purchase.

Customer: No, I don’t even have the card anymore. I don’t want store credit.

(I go to the computer and try looking up all the transaction history on the item she’s trying to return, and the last time it was sold at our store was over 8 months ago)

Me: Well I’m not showing any record of this being sold since before May, so even with a receipt, I would only be able to give you store credit, and even then that’s giving you a lot, since our return policy is 30 days.

Customer: (huffs) fine. I’ll just take the store credit

They’re An Idiot, No Matter How You Slice It

, , , , | Right | October 14, 2018

(I work at a bakery that sells primarily fresh bread. I am opening and setting up bread when the first customer of the day walks in. Being the only sales worker there at the time, I drop what I am doing to serve the customer. Keep in mind this woman’s first language is English.)

Customer: “Do you have that one but like… as a bag of slices?”

Me: “Oh, we slice the bread here; that’s no problem.”

Customer: “Okay, but… I need like… a bag of slices.”

Me: “Um, yeah, I can just slice it for you.”

Customer: “But do you have it in a bag of slices?”

Me: “I can put that loaf in a machine that will slice it… and then put it in a bag.”

Customer: “I just want a bag of slices.”

Me: “Here. Let me show you.”

(I take the loaf, slice it for her, and present the sliced loaf in a plastic bag.)

Customer: “That’s exactly what I wanted!”

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A Pen-chant For Being Lazy

, , , | Right | October 13, 2018

Customer: “I need a pen refill.”

(I’m working cash, so I can’t leave the register to help him.)

Me: “Okay, they’re in aisle five, and I’ll page someone to meet you over there.”

(The customer stares at me, looking confused.)

Me: “Is that okay?”

Customer: “I want a pen refill!”

Me: “Yes, okay. They’re in aisle five, and I can get someone to meet you there and give you a hand.”

(The customer continues to stare at me, all confused.)

Me: “Do you want me to get someone to help you?”

Customer: “I just want a refill for my pen!”

Me: “Okay… Right. So… They’re located in aisle five. If you walk down to aisle five, I’ll make sure someone meets you there… to help you.”

Customer: “Oh, I have to get it myself, do I?”

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Do Not Eat

, , , , | Right | October 10, 2018

(At this time I’m 21 and I had dyed my hair dark brown with blue streaks, although they had faded to a dull green. [Customer #1] is a woman and [Customer #2] behind her is a man. Both are more than twice my age.)

Customer #1: “You know, that green in your hair kind of looks like celery.”

(I smile as politely as possible and finish her order.)

Customer #2: “You know, I don’t think you look like celery. But if you were I’d eat you.”

Me: *stunned silence*

(I managed to make it through the order after that. Thank goodness it was an express lane and he only had a few items!)

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