When Mixed Feelings End Up With A Mixer

, , , , , | Related | November 5, 2019

(My wife and I start dating in 2010. I am the first — and only — real boyfriend she has ever had. We date for two years, get engaged, and are together for another two years before we officially tie the knot. We deal with long distances, being in college, and holding off until we both graduate — I am a year ahead of her. On top of that, we go through premarital counseling with the pastor who marries us. The only thing we don’t do is actually live together, because of our shared religious beliefs. To say we have a solid relationship would be an understatement. My wife’s aunt is two-times divorced, going through marital problems with her eventual ex-husband, and has an all-around polar opposite personality and lifestyle of ours. This phone call happens about two months before our wedding, while my wife is in full-on planning mode with her mom.)

Wife: “Hello? Oh, hi, [Aunt]!”

Aunt: “Hi, [Wife], I’m just RSVPing for your wedding. We are not going to be there.”

Wife: “Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that.”

Aunt: “Yeah, we just don’t feel like we can support your marriage to [My Name]. You guys barely know each other, you’ve never dated anyone else, and you two haven’t even lived together! I just don’t think you guys are going to make it, and I don’t want to see you make the same mistake I did. You’re young; you should go out and date other people. Really make sure [My Name] is the one you want to spend the rest of your life with.”

Wife: “I’m really sorry to hear that, [Aunt]. We were really looking forward to seeing all of you. If it makes you feel any better, [My Name] and I have a really solid foundation. We’ve been doing [everything I mentioned above], and we’ve dealt with the different bumps in our relationship so far with open and honest conversations. We don’t ‘fight’ but we make sure to talk things out and not bottle up our emotions. If you really can’t support us or come I understand, but we would still love to have you at the wedding, even if only so we can see [cousins 20+ years younger than her]. I’d really just love to have all the family there.”

Aunt: “Oh, well, I guess we could try to come. I’m sorry I didn’t trust your judgement about [My Name]. Now, I just don’t know what kind of gift to get you. Is there something not on your registry that you’d like?”

Wife: “Well, the only thing we didn’t put on the registry was a [Brand] stand mixer because we knew it was more than most people could afford and we had enough other expensive things on there that we thought were more important.”

Aunt: “Great! What color do you want?”

(And that’s how my wife caused her aunt to guilt trip herself into buying us a red [Brand] stand mixer for our wedding. We just passed our five-year anniversary and had our second kid. Our marriage is stronger than ever. I’m super glad my wife didn’t let her aunt or anyone else talk her out of marrying me!)

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Because You’re Not People Until You’re Eighteen

, , , , , , | Right | November 2, 2019

Like most restaurants, we accept reservations. I overhear in the kitchen that a group — or family — of six wants to make a reservation. Not a problem. Shortly after, the server dealing with the reservation comes into the kitchen and says, “They made a reservation for six, but brought a kid along, making the reservation for seven. They thought it wouldn’t be a problem, and that we could make room for him.”

I just shake my head and laugh, because in what universe does that make sense?

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“Don’t Be Offended” Means You’re Going To Be Offended

, , , , | Right | November 1, 2019

(I’ve put through a customer, and we have a pleasant, regular chat, when suddenly, out of the blue, this happens. It should be noted that I am female, while the customer is an older man.)

Customer: “Can I tell you something, but you have to promise not to be offended?”

(Despite the WARNING BELLS this sets off, there’s nothing to do but smile and nod.)

Customer: “You shouldn’t be offended if someone calls you a b****, because it means ‘Babe In Total Control of Herself’!”

(The customer proceeds to grin like he’s just told me the funniest thing ever. I, predictably, am less than entertained.)

Me: “Have a great day, sir.” 

Customer: “It’s good, right?!”

Me: “Enjoy your day!”

(Still beaming, the man walked out. I get trying to make someone laugh, but if you have to preface it with “Don’t be offended!” then MAYBE YOU SHOULD RECONSIDER.)

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Rounding Up To Face Them Down

, , , | Right | October 30, 2019

(In Canada, we no longer produce or circulate one-cent coins; the five-cent piece is the smallest. Whenever people pay cash, the total is rounded up or down so that the last number is a zero or a five. In this example, since the last digit is three, the price is rounded up to five.)

Customer: “Two small coffees, please.”

Me: “Great! Your total is $3.13.”

(The customer hands me $3.10.)

Me: “Sir, I need five more cents.”

Customer: *while rooting through his pockets for change* “This rounding up thing is such bulls***, and you can tell the management I said so!”

Me: “You might want to try telling the government.”

Customer: “You can tell them, too!”

(People have complained to me about decisions my company has made, but never the federal government’s until today!)

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Email Flail

, , , | Right | October 26, 2019

Me: “Would you like your receipt emailed to you?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Okay.” *goes to the next screen to give them the total*

Customer: “Actually, yeah.”

Me: “Okay.” *goes back to the email screen* “You can type your email in on that keyboard right there.”

Customer: “What? Why would I do that?”

Me: “So you can give us your email?”

Customer: “I don’t understand why you want me to type it out!”

Me: “Well, I can type it out myself if you want.”

Customer: “I don’t understand why you want my email! What will you do with it?!”

Me: “Send you your receipt. You just told me you wanted it emailed it to you.”

Customer: “Oh. Oh, yeah… No, I don’t want it emailed.”

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