Not Quite (Grape) Crushing It

, , , , , | Right | February 26, 2018

(I work at a small Chinese takeout. We do have drinks available, but the selection is definitely not as varied as you might find at larger restaurants. This customer has just placed an order and this happens at the end.)

Customer: “Yeah, and what drinks do you have?”

Me: “We’ve got Coke, Diet Coke, Pepsi, Ginger Ale, and Sprite.”

Customer: “Okay, I’ll take an iced tea.”

Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t have iced tea. We’ve got Coke, Diet Coke, Pepsi, Ginger Ale, and Sprite.”

Customer: “Give me a Grape Crush.”

Me: *screaming on the inside* “Again, we have Coke, Diet Coke, Pepsi, Ginger Ale, and Sprite.”

Customer: “Do you have Coke Zero?”

Me: *honestly baffled at this point, because I don’t know what part’s not getting through* “Coke. Diet Coke. Pepsi. Ginger Ale. Or Sprite.”

(The kicker? After asking if we could go get him a two-liter bottle of Grape Crush so he could get it with his PICK UP order, he just decided not to get a drink at all.)

Stupidity On Display

, , , | Right | February 24, 2018

Customer: “Excuse me. Do you have any more of these vacuum cleaners?”

Me: *after checking my PDA* “No, sorry. We’re all out.”

Customer: “Well, can I buy the display model, then?”

Me: “No, sorry. We can’t sell the display model; it’s non functional.”

Customer: “But I want to buy it.”

Me: “I’m sorry; I can’t sell it. It doesn’t work. All the insides were removed; it’s just an empty shell.”

Customer: “Okay, but I want to buy it. Can I just buy it?”

Me: “No, we can’t sell it. Look: even the power cord was cut off. This thing is just a display.”

Customer: “But I can still buy it, right?”

Me: “Sir, this vacuum isn’t even ours to sell. The supplier provided it for this display; it’s their property.”

Customer: “Wow. I’m never shopping here again.”

Their Complaints Are Volumetric

, , , , | Right | February 23, 2018

(I manage a local coffee shop. Recently my boss bought a second location, and I have been managing the transition. We hired a bunch of new staff members. None of us know the regulars.)

Employee: “[My Name], can you help me with this customer? I can’t seem to get her double-cream coffee right.”

Me: “Oh, boy.” *I go up front and greet the customer* “Hey, how are you?”

Customer: *flapping her arms, fists clenched* “This is outrageous!”

Me: “What is?”

Customer: “The music! It’s too loud!”

(Here I’m thinking it’s a problem with her coffee. I turned on the music in the morning and, considering that we have 90% elderly customers in the morning hours, I left the music on a decent volume with a genre catered for their age group. I can barely hear it.)

Customer: “You are going to drive your customers away. You don’t even hire your staff properly; she can’t get my coffee straight.”

Me: “I personally put the music on the morning and did my walk around to ensure the volume was fine. As for my staff, it’s [Employee]’s second day on the job.”

Customer: “I’m going to make sure I write to the home office, and tomorrow I’ll bring my son in to talk to you.”

Me: “Sure, that’s fine; I’d love to meet him.”

Customer: “You shouldn’t say that’s fine! That’s not a manager thing to say!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m trying to help you.”

Customer: “Have you put the volume down yet?!”

Me: “No, I’m still here talking to you!”

(She left, stating she’d never be back, but she is still in, making my life Hell, every morning.)

Two Wrongs Don’t Make A Copyright

, , , , | Right | February 21, 2018

Customer: “Can I get this book copied?”

Me: “I’ll just have to look at the copyright.”

Customer: “No, don’t look at that!”

Me: “I have to. And it’s copyrighted, so I can’t copy it. Sorry.”

Customer: “Can I just do it myself?”

Me: “No, because that would be illegal.”

Customer: “Right, okay, but no one’s going to know. It would be hard to copy this since it’s all glued together. Can you show me how to do it so it comes out one page at a time?”

Me: “No, I can’t assist you with that, since it’s copyrighted. You could go to the bookstore and buy another one, if you want another copy of it.”

Customer: “Yeah. I just don’t know how to use the photocopier. Can you just show me how it works?”

Me: “No, sorry. I’m not allowed to assist you with it at all.”

Customer: “Hmm.”

Me: “I would highly suggest going to the bookstore and buying it there, so the author can stay in business.”

Customer: “Yeah…”

(Yeah, he photocopied it.)

No One’s Winning Today

, , , , | Right | February 21, 2018

(I am walking up to the lottery counter to relieve my supervisor, who’s currently attempting to cover both supervising and the counter. She has to keep leaving the counter, despite a line of customers, to give the cashiers overrides. She’s currently just slipping back behind the counter to serve the next customer after having to run off.)

Supervisor: “Good! Do you have anywhere else you need to be? Can you cover this?”

Me: “Yeah, just let me close [Coworker]’s lane, so she can take her break, and then I can take over.”

Supervisor: *turns to next customer* “What can I do for you, ma’am—”

(We both look over to see the customer reaching over the lottery counter, trying to pull out a tray of tickets and help herself.)

Customer: “Finally, some service. God.”

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