A New Class Of Entitlement

, , , , | Right | March 2, 2021

I work as a receptionist in a small gym where memberships are more like spots you reserve in certain classes. This one woman, now everyone’s least favourite client, comes in about forty-five minutes into the last class of the day, which is a reformer class. We close very early on Sundays.

Customer: “When does the reformer class start?”

Me: “Oh, they’re about fifteen minutes away from finishing. Are you here to meet your friend?”

Customer: “No, I’m here for the class.”

Me: “I can let you in, but you won’t get anything done and you’ll waste your money.”

Customer: “Well, you should sign me up for the next one.”

Me: “I’m very sorry, but this is actually the last class we have today.”

Customer: “Make one for me.”

Me: “Unfortunately, private classes have to be booked ahead of time through the owner.”

I give her the owner’s card.

Customer: “Then why didn’t you call me to tell me about the class?”

Me: “I’m sorry, the owner didn’t tell me I needed to call someone. Did you sign up for the class?”

Customer: “No, I didn’t want to sign up and I didn’t tell the owner I was coming.”

Me: “So how was I supposed to know you were coming?”

Customer: “It’s your job!”

Me: “Ma’am, I don’t even have your phone number in our system.”

Customer: “You should know all your clients’ phone numbers!”

Me: “Ma’am, we have hundreds of clients. Now, I can tell you’re angry, so I’ll have to ask you to leave. If you look on the app we had you install while you were registering for our gym, the schedule is posted there. Have a good day.”

Customer: “I can have the boss fire you and then buy you myself!”

I know d*** well I’m the only reason this place isn’t falling apart.

Me: “I’m sure you can. Leave.”

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Who Is Screening These Calls?

, , , , , | Right | February 21, 2021

I work for a divisional IT group in a municipal government. The first part of this exchange takes place via email.

Client: “Can you please open a ticket for a computer at [Rarely Visited Location]?”

Me: “We can definitely look into that. Can you please tell me which computer and what problems you’re experiencing with it?”

Client: “No. I don’t work at that location.”

Me: “Can you please give us the name of the person who reported the problem to you? We’ll need to speak to them to determine what’s required and what computer you need help with.”

Client: “You can just use me as the contact.”

Me: “Unfortunately, we’ll need to speak with someone who knows: a) what computer it is, and b) what the problem is. It’s possible that the problem can be solved remotely, or it could be something we need to bring someone else in on, for example, our Internet provider, or maintenance if it’s a power issue. Once we have that information, we can dispatch a tech if required.”

Client: “Can you just send someone to check all of the computers in the building and make sure they’re working?”

Me: “As there are a few hundred computers in that building, I can’t send a tech to check all of them, especially when we don’t know what’s wrong with it. Unfortunately, we can’t troubleshoot a computer we don’t know anything about. If you receive any other communications about it, please have that person contact us via email at [email address] or phone at [phone].”

Five minutes later, I get a call from another user.

Me: “Hi, you’ve reached the [my division] IT Service Desk; how can I help you?”

Other Client: “Hi, yeah, I was told to call you?”

Me: “Okay, what can I help you with today?”

Other Client: “This computer isn’t working.”

I look up the caller’s information and realize that he is working out of the same [Rarely Visited Location] and is NOT part of our division. We don’t have administrative access to or authority over their equipment; they have their own on-site IT help.

Me: “Okay, I can see that you’re with another division. I may be limited in how much I can help you, but what’s the problem you’re experiencing?”

Other Client: “The screen’s black.”

Me: “Okay, can you tell me if there are any lights on the monitor or the computer itself?”

Other Client: “No, no lights.”

Me: “Okay, can you please try turning the computer on?”

After about thirty seconds:

Other Client: “Oh, that did it! Thanks!”

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She Got A DD In Sizing Class

, , , | Right | February 8, 2021

I’m working at the cash desk and I’m checking out a woman’s purchase. She is probably in her mid- to late thirties. Next to the desk is a stand with a bunch of those sticky bras that have the drawstring. The woman picks one up and asks:

Customer: “Are these all one size?” 

Me: “No.”

I point to the big sticker on the box that says, “A.”

Me: “This one is an A cup. We carry sizes A through D.”

She looks at the box a little confused.

Customer: “Oh. Is A the largest?”

I then had to explain to this grown woman, who was wearing a bra at the time, how bra sizes work.

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Instead Of FedEx You’re Fed Up, Part 2

, , , , | Right | February 8, 2021

Customer: “I have a FedEx package here to pick up.”

I check her ID, process the package pickup, and give it to her.

Customer: “Can I check to make sure everything’s here?”

Me: “Um, sure.”

I’m not sure what I would be able to do if it wasn’t.

Customer: “Yeah, not everything is in here.”

Me: “That’s frustrating. Maybe your order is being sent in two different shipments?”

Customer: “No, I think there’s a box missing.”

Me: “Well, the box here says one of one, so there’s no other box that would have come in today. If you’re worried about it, you should call the company you placed the order with.”

Customer: “Are you sure there aren’t any other boxes?”

Me: “I’m sure. The FedEx driver only gave us the one package today.”

The customer points to our outgoing area.

Customer: “What’s that down there?”

Me: “That’s a package that a customer dropped off.”

Customer: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Yes, I’m sure.”

Customer: “My order was $500 and this is not $500 worth of stuff.”

Me: “I’m sorry, that sucks. But we’re just the pickup place. You will have to contact the company you placed the order with and tell them you’re missing parts of your order.”

Customer: “This is so stupid! They’re going to send me the rest of the stuff and I’m going away on vacation so I won’t be here to get it!”

She leaves the store in a huff.

Manager: “Did she seriously want you to do something about her missing things from her online order? From a company that isn’t us?”

Instead Of FedEx You’re Fed Up

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Liars Of The Corn

, , , | Right | February 3, 2021

I work at a local farmer’s market. Our main products are two types of sweet corn: yellow and mixed. It is near the end of the season, the last day of the market, and we have been selling the last corn of the year.

Customer: “Where’s the yellow corn?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, we’re all out of yellow corn for the year. If you’d like, we have fresh mixed corn; otherwise, I’d suggest trying the grocery store across the road.”

Customer: “No! You must be hiding the corn! I demand to speak to your boss!”

My boss isn’t working that morning, so I call over my supervisor, another young woman.

Customer: “Where’s your yellow corn? You’re hiding it from me!”

Supervisor: “I’m sorry, sir, we are all out of yellow corn for the season.”

Customer: “You’re lying! I’m going to drive out to the farm and find it myself!”

He stormed off. We found out later that he had actually driven to the farm, parked in a cornfield, and started searching for yellow corn himself. He didn’t find any.

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