Don’t Even Think About It

, , , , , , | Learning | November 29, 2018

(I am taking an Abnormal Psychology course. Our professor is discussing delusions of grandeur.)

Professor: “There was a man who said he could turn his fridge on and off, just by thinking about it.”

(The class chuckles. When the professor starts speaking again, his microphone has shut off.)

Professor: “It sounds odd, and we snicker, but it makes you wonder—” *pauses, looks down at his microphone*

(Everyone laughs.)

Student: “I did that!”

Assuming Brick Walls Are Doors Shouldn’t Be Left To Muggles

, , , , | Right | November 28, 2018

(Our mall has recently been renovated. Most of the stores have closed and the building has been turned into a strip mall. When the building was an indoor mall, we always had customers coming into our store to ask us questions about the mall in general, or about other stores, since our store was closest to the entrance. We thought we would be finally getting away from that now that there is no “mall” anymore, and every store has their own entrance. Of course, we are wrong. Here are transactions that happen far too many times a day.)

Customer #1: “How do I get to [Store]?”

Me: “It’s just along the strip now, with its own entrance.”

Customer #1: “So it’s gone?!”

Me: “No, it’s out front with its own entrance, like every other store.”

(And this one…)

Customer #2: “How do I get into the mall?”

Me: “You don’t. There’s no mall anymore.”

Customer #2: “No, but I need to get to [Store].”

Me: “Yeah, it has its own entrance now, just like us. It’s just along the strip out front.”

Customer #2: “But they’ll be bringing the mall back, right?”

Me: “No. It’s a strip mall now.”

Customer: “Right, until they’re done renovating.”

Me #2: “No. They’re renovating to make it a strip mall.”

(And this one…)

Customer #3: “I have an appointment at [Store] and now I can’t get to it!”

Me: “Yes, you can. It’s just out front, right in between [Other Stores]. It has its own outside entrance.”

Customer #3: “No, it doesn’t! There’s a fence around the doors!”

Me: “There’s a fence around the old mall doors, but [Store] is farther down, with its own entrance.”

Customer #3: “No! There’s a fence around it!”

(And this one…)

Customer #4: “How am I supposed to get into the mall!?”

Me: “You can’t anymore. Every store has its own outside entrance now.”

Customer #4: “But there’s a fence in front of the mall doors!”

Me: “Yes, because they’re doing construction. There’s a store going in there.”

Customer #4: “Well, how do I get into the mall, then?!”

Me: “You can’t. There’s no mall anymore.”

(And this one…)

Customer #5: “So, is this [Our Store] and also [Other Store]?”

Me: *confused* “No… It’s just [Our Store].”

Customer #5: “But [Other Store] isn’t in the mall anymore. So, is it in here?”

Me: “No, this is just [Our Store]. [Other Store] is farther down, with its own entrance.”

Customer #5: *looking around* “So, I can’t get to it from in here, then?”

Me: “No.”

(And yet another… Our new outside door is finished and is being used by the public. The construction crew has just finished putting the wall in where our old mall door used to be. It’s a complete, finished, drywalled, and painted wall.)

Customer #6: “So, we can’t use that door anymore, then?”

Buyers Expect Puzzles To Not Be Puzzling

, , , , | Right | November 28, 2018

(I work at a really big chain department store as a customer service representative. We deal mainly with returns and exchanges for merchandise. This exchange happens when a customer wants to return a 100-piece puzzle.)

Me: “Hi. Return?”

Customer: “Yes, thanks.”

Me: “Okay, what is the reason for the return?”

Customer: “Oh, I didn’t know I had to put it together myself.”

Me: “…”

The Gift Of Being Too Stupid To Use Gift Cards

, , , , | Right | November 28, 2018

(I work as a barista in a large corporate coffee chain. I help a man load two gift cards with $30 each, and give him the main receipt and two separate receipts — one for each card. He comes back a few minutes later.)

Customer: *places gift cards on the counter* “I loaded these with $30 earlier and called the number on the back. They said there is only $22.50 in each of them.”

Me: *genuinely confused* “Sorry, sir? You called the number on the back of the gift card?”

Customer: *grunts* “This number right here!” *shows me the phone number* “You didn’t load the $30 that I paid!”

Me: “I included the receipts for each card in the envelopes, but I can check the balance for you again and reprint the receipts if you’d like.”

Customer: “Yeah, do it!”

(I am extremely confused now, as this is the first customer I’ve ever had call in right after I have given him receipts. I scan the cards and print the receipts.)

Me: “Here you go, sir. Both of your cards have $30 according to the system, the same as when I activated them earlier. Perhaps they heard the wrong card numbers over the phone?”

Customer: *completely appalled by my response* “How can you mess up 16 numbers in a card?! I called the number, and they said there’s $22.50 on the cards! This has never happened with [Large Tech Retail Company]. The balance is always the same on the card and what they tell me is on it!”

Me: *checks the balances of the gift card again* “My system says $30… I really can’t say much else, sir.”

Customer: “NO! This has never happened before! What’s wrong with you?!”

Me: *growing slightly irritated by his increasing rudeness towards me* “Well, sir, [Coffee Chain] is based in the US and the number you called is actually US. If it’s $22.50, it may be in the US currency. If you’d like, try to call again and ask what currency it is in.”

Customer: “What are you talking about?! There’s $22.50 on the cards!”

(I tried to explain to him two more times, but I realised this customer wouldn’t listen to me any time soon. I spin around to the two supervisors standing behind me. I quickly explained this customer’s problem and backed away. We ended up refunding his gift cards. Sometimes the words go in one ear and straight out of the other.)

Reaching Boiling Point

, , , | Right | November 28, 2018

(I am a very inexperienced barista for a large corporate coffee chain. I do not quite know how to handle difficult customers yet. One day, a very blunt lady asks me for tea.)

Me: “Sure! Would you like green, black, or white tea?”

Customer: “Green tea.”

Me: “No problem! What size would you like?” *shows her the cups*

Customer: *slightly impatient* “The medium.”

Me: “That’ll be $2.36 today. I’ll grab you your tea!” *places tea bags in the cup and pours hot water* “Here you go, miss!” *processes the payment*

Customer: *stares at the tea* “What is that?”

Me: “That’s our standard green tea, miss.”

Customer: “That’s not tea. It looks like marijuana.”

Me: *as I have never seen marijuana in my life, I smile and respond with a very confused tone* “I’m sorry, marijuana? That is our green tea.”

Customer: “I’m not drinking that. It’s disgusting.”

Me: *brings out a sheet with all of our teas listed* “Oh, well, if you’d like, I can grab you a different tea. Here’s a list of all of our current teas.”

Customer: *quickly skims the sheet* “This one. White tea.” *recites the white tea’s description to me* “Give me that.”

Me: “No problem!” *grabs the white tea*

Customer: *stares at the white tea* “What is that? That’s not white tea. It’s pink. That’s strawberry. I hate strawberry!”

Me: *super confused* “Um… that is our white tea. It has a berry flavour to it, so it’s pink because it’s fruity.”

Customer: “How is that white tea?! Ugh!” *grabs the green tea off the counter and stomps away*

Me: *stares at the white tea* “Okay, then. Have a nice day?” *turns to stare at my supervisor who had been listening the entire time* “What just happened?”

Supervisor: *smiles* “Don’t worry about it.”

(To this day, I still don’t understand what really happened.)

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