Some Days You Just Can’t Win

, , , , | | Legal | June 28, 2019

My wallet got stolen when I was working in another city, and I went to the cop shop — only to discover that in the province of Ontario, you cannot report stolen ID without showing ID!

The only thing not with me at the time was my passport, so I asked the boyfriend to go to my place to scan my passport and email it.

He got to my apartment… only to realize he’d left his keys at his place.

I asked him to break in, but the only reachable window was through the AC — which he’d stupidly installed so it could just be pushed in — in the living room, which was facing the street!

I begged the cop to vouch to the Toronto police that my boyfriend did have permission, in case he got arrested for breaking in. Then, I put the phone on speaker and stayed with him through the sound of my home being broken into.

The cop just laughed the entire time.

At Least Say Hello Before Becoming A Victim Of Identity Fraud

, , , , | | Right | June 27, 2019

(I work at an insurance company in Canada and we service ONLY Canada. There is a bank in the southern United States that has accidentally printed our customer service number on their debit cards. Our numbers are only one number different, so once I explain to the client what the bank’s ACTUAL number is there usually isn’t an issue. But sometimes the client just doesn’t “get it,” and there are phone calls like this all the time.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Insurance Company]. How can I help you?”

Bank Customer: *in a heavy Southern accent* “Hi. I just used my card at a [Pharmacy Chain] and it was declined; can you tell me why this happened?”

Me: “Sorry, are you trying to reach [Bank]?”

Bank Customer: “Yes… This is [Bank] that I’m speaking with!”

Me: “Sorry for the inconvenience, but [Bank] accidentally printed the wrong number on their card. Their actual number is [number], so just make sure you’re dialing an eight instead of a six.”

Bank Customer: “But I’m calling the number on the back of my card… It says this is the customer service number.”

Me: “Yes, I understand. It’s just that there was a misprint, and they accidentally put our number on their card. We are not your bank; we’re a Canadian insurance company.”

Bank Customer: “Well… I’m calling [our number].”

Me: “Yes, you are, and that is not your bank’s number; their number is [bank number].”

Bank Customer: “Okay… I’ll try again. I just called the number on the card…”

(I have also received this call many times:)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Insurance Company]; how can I help you?”

Bank Customer: “My Social Security number is—“

Me: “Sir! Please don’t tell me that information! This is not [Bank]!”

(Who STARTS a call with their SSN, anyway?)

Unfiltered Story #155556

, , | | Unfiltered | June 27, 2019

( I work in a pizzaria but I’m a classically trained singer, we have decided on this particular night to stop orders before closing time because our baker had an exam the next day)
Me: *cleaning the counter and humming*
Customer: *slams $50 on the counter* I need a large pizza and 50 wings
Me: *startled* sorry, we aren’t taking anymore orders tonight, our baker has gone home for the night, we were just about to lock up
Customer: what!? I’m a paying customer!
Me: oh in that case…
*sings * we’re closed for the night I’m sorry to say!
Our baker went home for the day.
*waves* goodbye sir, see you next day! We open tomorrow at 11am!
Customer: *stomps out in a huff*
Waitress: *peeks around from the kitchen while counting her tips* …that was the nicest way I’ve heard someone say we’re closed!

A Sudden Switch In Their Understanding

, , , , , , | | Right | June 26, 2019

I’m on a job to, among other things, repair a light over a client’s front door. The issue as described by the client is that it doesn’t always come on every time they flip the switch.

I talk to the property manager and he shows me the switch — in a bank of about eight others — that controls the light. I turn it on and off several times and cannot replicate the issue, but to be thorough, I open the fixture and inspect everything. I tell the property manager that it seems to be in proper working order, but I can replace the functional parts just to be certain. He agrees and I proceed.

When I’m finished, I show him that it’s working properly by again repeatedly turning it on and off. He agrees that it’s good to go.

The next day, when we return to finish the rest of the work, he approaches me again and says they’re still having the same issue. This time the client is home so I speak to her directly. I ask her to show me what happens when she turns it on.

She proceeds to flip every single one of the aforementioned eight switches before coming to the one that actually controls the light, and then she says, “See? It doesn’t work.”

Containing my laughter, I show her that it’s only tied to the one switch and repeat the process of turning it on and off, showing her that it’s functioning normally.

The client says, “Oh, well, now it works!”

Unfiltered Story #155536

, , | | Unfiltered | June 25, 2019

(I work at a Canadian IT call center.)
Me: Hello, this is (My name) what can I do for you today?
Customer: Where are you guys located?
Me: We are located in Ontario, Canada.
Customer: Where’s Ontario?
Me: Um. . . . it’s in Canada?
Customer: Oh. Is it warm there?
Me: In Ontario?
Customer: Yeah people always tell me it’s hot, hot, hot in Mexico.
(I take of my headset just in time to avoid laughing my a** off in the customers ear. When I come back to the phone, I’m panting heavily and gasping for breath.)
Customer: Oh, are you alright?
Me: Oh yes ma’am. . . I have, um, a serious disease.
Customer: Oh really? What is it?
Me: I have a fatal case of the chimichangas.
Customer: Oh no! What is that?
Me: It’s like TB, but. . .
Customer: Oh no!
Me: It’s the Mexican type!
(At this point I signal for my confused coworker to take over the call so I can take a few minutes to laugh. Afterwards, he told me that the women insisted on sending me flowers, and that she would donate to help cure “chimichangas” for good.

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