Coming To A Dis-Cord

, , , , , | Right | July 7, 2018

(I am a manager at a cell phone kiosk. It’s a slow day, and a middle-aged lady comes looking around the cord displays. After a few minutes of looking, she comes to my desk.)

Customer: “Can you help me?”

Me: “Sure! What do you need?”

Customer: “I need something.”

Me: “Yes?”

Customer: “I need a cable.”

(Long pause.)

Me: “For?”

Customer: “A cell phone.”

(Another long pause.)

Me: “Which cell phone?”

Customer: “The one that you call with?”

Me: “Yes, I know what it does, madam. Which make?”

Customer: “Apple.”

Me: “All right, what kind of cable do you need? Charging? To connect to the TV?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: *trying very hard not to scream* “I meant which one?”

Customer: “Stop badgering me with questions! Do you not understand what I wanted?”

Unfiltered Story #116236

, , , | Unfiltered | July 7, 2018

(This happened on Easter Sunday during a night shift)

I was working the till when a rush of customers started. The manager was on break and my two coworkers were running for me. One had to go and cook a food order, and just after that a lady came up to talk to the other, leaving me alone at the till. After a few stressful minutes debating whether new policy is worth being late with orders, my coworker returned from the conversation.

Coworker: Kill me now

Me: What happened?

Coworker: She wanted me to turn up the radio. I explained only a manager can do that. She wouldn’t go away.

A few minutes later we notice her talking to our manager, who is eating his dinner at a table. The manager comes behind the counter and adjusts the radio, and returns to his break. The lady keeps talking to him, with no break in conversation. The manager returns behind the counter, followed to the front by the lady.

Manager: I made a friend. Unfortunately.

Lady: (continues talking, now about how she makes lattes with her microwave)

Lady: And (Manager), did you know I’m a born again virgin?

At this point I walked to the back of the store to hide with my coworker. Eventually we came back up front, and our manager went to the back.

Lady (to coworker): You seem so familiar, do you know (Name)? You could be his twin you know.

Coworker (obviously uncomfortable): No ma’am.

Lady: Do you think you could sell me some lettuce?

Me: What?

Lady: Some lettuce. I’m on a diet you know.

Me (to coworker): Just get her some lettuce, maybe she’ll leave.

Coworker goes to the kitchen area and Manager returns from the back.

Lady: Could you sell me some lettuce? It’s for my dog.

Manager: No, sorry ma’am I can’t do that.

Later, after the lady had conversed with various customers, taken a newspaper and left:

Manager: I didn’t sell her any lettuce because if you give them what they want they’ll come back.

She is now known to us as the crazy lettuce lady

Best Little Brother, Period

, , , , , , , | Hopeless | July 6, 2018

My 15-year-old daughter was having particularly painful period cramps one day, and spent the day lying in bed. Her 12-year-old little brother asked what was wrong, and she told him; we’re very open about these sorts of things in our family. He then asked me if he could go for a bike ride, and I said yes.

He took his bike down to the nearest grocery store, went in and bought several of his sister’s favorite chocolate bars with his own money, and brought them home for her, telling her he hoped she felt better soon.

He’s going to make some lucky girl a wonderful boyfriend and husband someday.

Webcam Versus Scam

, , , , , | Legal | July 6, 2018

I was working in a computer shop, when after a busy morning, we discovered one of our display machines missing. Tracing through the morning’s sales we narrowed down the culprits to two men who’d come in together – one had occupied the salesperson with questions, while the other searched the store for something valuable and portable, before carrying it off.

They were very smooth, but they made two main mistakes. The first: our store dealt in used equipment, so they thought the perfect way to case the joint would be to come in a day early with an old motherboard. We still had this in our back room -– along with a detailed form containing the name, address, phone number, and other identifying information about one of them. City regulations treated this aspect of our business as if we were a pawn shop; he’d had to show picture ID to get us to look at the potential sale.

As if that wasn’t bad enough, his partner had been screwing around with the display computers while they were in the store, and managed to take several pictures of himself with the webcam on it, saving them to the desktop.

When the police arrived that afternoon we were able to give them everything they needed, gift-wrapped.

Later on, we found that the culprits denied ever having been in our store… Then, when confronted with proof, they tried to claim individual innocence, blaming each other for the crime.

I don’t think we ever got our stolen property back, but the police were apparently able to charge them based on the provable falsehoods of their stories.

The State Of Our Business Is None Of Yours

, , , , | Right | July 6, 2018

(I work at a major electronic retailer. After the holidays, we look at every four-foot section in the store, tear it apart, clean it, and redo it. It has taken us longer this year since corporate was unsure how they wanted it done. This occurs while one aisle is undergoing planogram changes.)

Customer: “Are you guys going out of business?!”

Me: “No? Why would you think that?”

Customer: *looks annoyed and gestures vaguely around store* “All of the empty shelves!”

Me: “Oh! Every year after the holidays we do planogram changes, so we move product and shelving around. I assure you, we are not going out of business.”

Customer: *snorts* “Yeah, sure.” *starts leaving with her son* “I think they’re going out of business.”

(Lady, we’re the only electronic retailer in the area; you’d better hope we’re not going out of business!)

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