This was during the year no one shall name.

After a serious car accident, my husband had an appointment at the Orthopedic Clinic of the Trauma Center he had first been treated.

Because of multiple TBIs (Traumatic Brain Injuries), I was listed as my husband’s advocate for appointments because of his memory issues.

The first appointment in 2020 went tickety-boo. No questions, no issue with me accompanying him.

On the second trip, we show up at the entrance. My husband states his name, and the volunteer says I have to leave.

Husband: “She should be on the list, too.”

Volunteer: “Why?”

Husband: *Points to head.* “Car accident. Brain damage.” *Points to me.* “She’s my advocate for memory issues.”

Volunteer: “Please step aside, miss, I have to check on this.”

NO PROBLEM. I work retail, dealing with anti-maskers and faux service dogs daily.

What I assume was a senior volunteer/hospital worker walks up, asks the volunteer what’s happening, and the volunteer explains.

Senior Volunteer: “Okay. Sorry, sir, who are you seeing?”

Husband: “Dr. [Name]’s office, they should have it on file.”

We step aside. As we’re waiting, the next patient comes up.

Next Patient: “Here to see [Other Doctor].” *Points to his companion.* “And she’s my advocate.”

Senior Volunteer: “Sir, you have a broken arm. Why do you need someone to advocate for you?”

Next Patient: “Well… The couple ahead said it, and you’re gonna let his woman go with him.”

Senior Volunteer: “Sir, do you have a traumatic brain injury, or are you just brain damaged?”

All the love to hospital volunteers!

I’m on a boat tour off the coast of Toronto, and overhear the following:

Tour Guide: “Fun fact! Did you know that the Great Lakes hold 21% of the entire planet’s supply of fresh surface water?”

Tourist: “Fresh?”

Tour Guide: “Yes! As in, not saltwater.”

Tourist: “All this water?” *Gesturing to the lake.*

Tour Guide: “Yes, this is all freshwater.”

Tourist: “Naw, this can’t be fresh water, man. It’s been sitting out here too long.”

To preface this, from the ages of twenty-two to thirty-five, I worked in food and beverage service in bars: dive, sports, dance clubs, pool halls, and billiards lounges. Whether I was a waitress or bartender, I had lenient leeway to speak to customers as I wished.

After taking a ten-year break from food and beverage after the birth of my youngest, I moved to a Cost Company Warehouse where “the member is right”, even when they are rude, stupid, offensive, etc. This is the Gold/Executive Standard.

At the time, I was on the door – entrance checking for membership cards and exit ensuring you weren’t overcharged (yes we check for that too; to me it was the bigger sin).

This was during the annus horribilis when, in my province, everything was shut down except essential services, which, unfortunately, we were. 

To limit the number of members in the warehouse at any given time, we had a ten in/ten out system. Because our warehouse had an interior, weather-protected area that could hold thirty to forty people, every three groups in, I would announce:

Me: “PLEASE, have your membership card ready, BEFORE you get to the door. Thank you.”

Cue me making my announcement. I get to the second member in line:

Me: “Miss, may I see your card, please?”

Second Member: “Ugh! Are you serious?”

Me: “This is why I yelled what I did thirty seconds ago.”

Second Member: *Eye roll.* “Seriously? Why are you being such a b**** about this?”

Me: *Bar mouth overtaking member service brain.* “Because I’m good at it.”

Second Member: “WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?!”

Third Member: *A regular I now love.* “Because, b****, THAT b**** IS good at it and you’re the reason she gets to keep practicing! Now get out of my way! Hey [My Name]! Hope your day gets better.”

The second member actually complained to management. When I explained the entire exchange, including the third member’s backing words, I ended with:

Me: “Yeah. I know. My bad. I let my bar mouth override my member service brain.”

Manager: *Pauses for a few seconds.* ” After listening to [Second Member], I think this was a bar mouth situation. Just try not to use your bar mouth again.”

Six years later and management still forgives my bar mouth overriding member service voice!

I’m a head lifeguard at my local pool, so I essentially supervise everything that goes on in the building and I am the one responsible for any emergencies, “can I see the manager” requests and any other incidents that pop up when I’m at work. 

I started in this role at sixteen (I am now eighteen), which was probably a questionable decision on management’s part but hey I’ll take a promotion. I had this interaction last week:

Patron: “Oh are you one of the swim instructors?”

Me: “No but I’m the Head Instructor Guard so I supervise lessons, how can I help?”

Patron: “There’s no way you’re the supervisor; you look like a child! You should be in swimming lessons as a student.”

Me: *Awkwardly laughs.* “Well I can assure you that I’m the supervisor and an adult.”

Patron: “No you aren’t.” *Walks away.*

I just looked at reception like “did that really happen?” He didn’t even end up asking me a question before he left.

I work in a chain coffee shop with a fairly chill manager. We have a grumpy regular who often likes to vocalize his opinions, or at least the opinions he learns to parrot from right-wing sources. For the purposes of this story, we’ll call him “John” and I’ll be “Tim”.

Our chain has decided to start having staff voluntarily have their preferred pronouns on their name badge. So, I have my pronouns displayed in small font under my name. It doesn’t take long for John to clock that and go off.

John: “D*** pronouns! Back in my day, we didn’t have pronouns!”

Tim: “Well, John, some of us—”

John: “—Forget it! I don’t want to hear it! In fact, I don’t want to hear any pronouns! Not a single one, do you understand?”

Tim: *Smiling.* “Okay… What John want to order?”

John: “What?”

Tim: “John want John regular? Or something different?”

John: “Why are you talking like a caveman?”

Tim: “John want no pronouns. So Tim not use pronouns. Tim good customer service person. Customer always right.”

John: “How about I speak to your manager?”

I call my manager over.

Manager: “What’s going on?”

John: “He’s talking weird.”

Tim: “John ask for no pronouns. Say, not a single one. So Tim not use pronouns, not a single one.”

Manager: “Is that true, John? John specifically asked Tim not to use any pronouns?”

John: “Well, yes.”

Manager: “Well, looks like John got exactly what John asked for. Carry on.”

Then he went back to assisting other people. John ordered his coffee, with me talking in the third person the whole time, and left. Hopefully, he’ll look up what a pronoun is before he comes back.

Related:
When They’re Not Pro Pronoun, Part 3
When They’re Not Pro Pronoun, Part 2
When They’re Not Pro Pronoun