Pumpkin Season Finally Turned Deadly

, , , | Healthy | December 10, 2017

(I am working at a pumpkin patch and we have to move the rotting pumpkins to a huge garbage bin. I and two coworkers have the pumpkins in a ranger, a huge garbage bin, and are throwing them into the dumpster. [Coworker #1] throws the pumpkin and it hits [Coworker #2] on the head, like, smack dab in the middle of the head.)

Coworker #1: “OH, MY GOD, ARE YOU OKAY?!”

Coworker #2: “Yeah, I blacked out for a bit but I’m fine.”

Me: “Oh, god, hold on; let me get someone!”

Coworker #2: “I’m fine; I’ve had a concussion before I know the drill. Let’s finish this!”

Me: “What? No, I need to get someone! You said you blacked out!”

Coworker #2: “It’s fine; I’ll have my sister wake me up every few hours.”

Coworker #1: “She says she’s fine. I didn’t mean to hit her anyway.”

(Against my better judgment, we finished the pumpkins and all signed out and went home. [Coworker #1] called in the next day and I saw she posted on her FB wall she was in the hospital with, guess what? A concussion!)

I Got 299 Problems But My Manager Ain’t One

, , , , , , , | Working | December 9, 2017

(A customer brings a pair of shoes to the front with no price tag, so I use our store headset to ask one of my coworkers to check for it.)

Coworker: *via headset* “It’s $2.99.”

Me: “For a pair of shoes? That can’t be right. Let me get [Nice Manager].”

Coworker: “He’s on break, so it’s just [Manager I don’t like]. Maybe the shoes are on clearance. Look, all I know is that what our database says.”

Me: “Okay… If you say so. You’re sure?”

Coworker: “You know, it’s a little insulting you keep asking me if I’m sure. I have 20/20 vision, and I’m going to [Local University]. I’m pretty sure I know what I’m doing.”

Me: “Okay, okay, sorry.”

(I adjust the price, regardless of my doubts. When you do a price change you have the option of adding a note as to why you changed it that’ll show up on the store’s receipt but not the customer’s. I type in the whole story, including coworker’s name and price.)

Me: “Okay, so, it turns out it’s your lucky day. These shoes are $2.99. They must be on clearance or something!”

Customer: “REALLY? Wow, I’m shopping here all the time, now. What great deals!”

(The customer leaves and I go on doing sales. When the manager I like comes back from break, I show him the transaction I was iffy about.)

Manager: “[Coworker] told you that [Brand] shoes were $2.99 and you believed her. We just lost almost $50! You’ve been here for three months; you should know the price of basically everything in the store. [Coworker] has been here for almost a year; I find it hard to believe she said these shoes were $2.99. You know, being responsible means—”

Coworker: *on headset* “Oh, [My Name], I misread the label. The shoes are actually $29.99. My bad.”

Manager: “What?” *grabs my headset* “Who do you think you’re fooling, [Coworker]? They’re $45.99. Are you trying to get [My Name] in trouble?”

(My coworker got called into the manager’s office. She got written up and sent home early because the manager only wanted “people he could trust” working the floor.)

Pride Goeth Before The Bigot

, , , , , , , | Friendly | December 8, 2017

(My friend is at a gay bar during Pride Weekend in Canada. While there, a rather douchey American guy tries repeatedly to hit on her. She tells him several times that she isn’t interested but he keeps trying. Eventually, he stumbles over to her, quite drunk, and says loudly:)

Guy: “Hey, have you noticed how many [homophobic slur]s there are in here?!”

(A few people around him give really weird stares.)

Friend: “Er… What do you expect? It’s Pride Weekend.”

Guy: “Pride Weekend? What the f*** is that s***?”

Friend: “Well, it’s a weekend for LGBTQ people to celebrate being themselves.”

Guy: “What’s LBTGQ?”

(A couple of her friends laugh loudly at this.)

Friend’s Friend: “Sweetie, take a look around; you’ll have your answer!”

(Almost immediately the guy’s eyes bulge out of his skull.)

Guy: “WHAT? YOU MEAN I’M GONNA BE STUCK HERE WITH [SLUR]S ALL WEEKEND?! THAT’S F****** SICK! THAT GUY SET ME UP!”

(He bolted outside. My friend later saw him yelling into his phone at someone about how they had “set him up.” My friend and her buddies had a good laugh about it. Can’t imagine that guy made too many friends that weekend.)

Very Quickly Put The Matter To Bed

, , , , , | Working | December 7, 2017

(We have just moved into a new house in a new city. My adult son and I both need new beds. The two of us go into a store that sells beds and are met by a salesman.)

Salesman: “Welcome to [Store]! What are you looking for today?”

Me: “I need a firm mattress and he—” *points to son* “—needs a soft one.”

Salesman: “So, we need something in the middle, then?”

Me: “I am not planning on sleeping with my son! We need two beds!”

(Very sheepishly, he showed us around the store.)

Making Tall Claims

, , , , , | Working | December 6, 2017

(I work at an amusement park. I go on my 40-minute break to the staff cafeteria and see it is almost completely filled. I find an empty spot, and soon enough a cute girl asks if she can share my table.)

Girl: “Hi, can I sit here?”

Me: “Sure.” *she sits down* “Where do you work?”

Girl: “I work in retail, usually at the big store at the front of the park. What about you? I don’t recognize your uniform.”

Me: “I work crowd control.”

Girl: “But… don’t you have to be intimidating to do that?” *looks under table* “I guess you’re tall.”

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