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A Stinky (But Cute) Situation

, , , , , , , , | Related | September 5, 2022

The downstairs part of our house started to stink suddenly, and we couldn’t figure out why. We knew where the smell was coming from — our laundry room/food storage room — but we checked every single shelf, the fridge, and the freezer multiple times and found nothing. My brother had a friend over who mentioned that it smelled like cat pee, but that made even less sense. Our dog hated cats and my dad was allergic, so how could there be cat pee?

One night, around midnight, I was just finishing up on the computer and getting ready to turn in for the night. All of a sudden, my brother ran past me and headed upstairs, screaming that he saw the air exchanger tube moving. Sure enough, there was something inside it. My dad had to disconnect the whole thing, climbing over the shelves like a monkey to reach it. My brother and I watched, but my mom refused to come down because she was terrified that it was a skunk.

It took an hour, but my dad finally got the tube loose. He carefully carried it outside with us following like ducklings, turned it out, and scooped up the contents in his thick gloves. Out popped a little orange cat, who’d apparently been living in there for the past week. The cat bit my dad through the gloves, causing him to drop him, and guess what the little idiot did? He ran right back to the vent he’d used to get in the house in the first place and tried to jump back in — only the tube wasn’t there to catch him this time.

My dad caught him by the back legs just in time and slowly pulled him out as I watched. My mom, who grew up playing with barn cats and absolutely loved them, was cracking up. My brother went back inside and reported that he could see the cat halfway into the room, looking all indignant.

We got him out safely and kept him in the shed for a few days while we tried to locate his owner. When we couldn’t, Mom took the cat (who she affectionately named Marmalade) to a shelter. It was the craziest night of my life.

There’s Bright And Then There’s “AHHH, MY EYES!”

, , , , , , , | Legal | August 7, 2022

For reasons that aren’t important to the story, I’m driving a coworker’s car. It’s not very late, but it’s winter, so the sun is already down and it’s dark. I turn on the car’s lights and quickly realize that my coworker is one of those people who install overly bright lights.

I flip them off and decide to rely on the streetlights to see.

Unfortunately, an officer of the law takes offense to this and pulls me over.

Officer: “Were you aware that your lights are off?”

Me: “I can see just fine.”

Officer: “Please turn on your lights.”


Me: “So… I can’t see anymore. Can you?”

Officer: *Pauses* “Please turn off your lights.”

So, that’s the story of how I got my coworker a ticket for improper car lights.

Stubbornly Stupid (With Cheese And Bacon)

, , , , , , , | Working | August 5, 2022

I’ve gone into a popular Canadian fast food chain to get some food on my way home from work.

Me: “Hi. Can I please get a grilled chicken sandwich with cheese and bacon, with a [side] and [drink]?”

Cashier: “No problem, that’ll be [price that’s almost $10 more than what it should be].”

I look at the order screen and see she’s rung in the chicken sandwich combo without cheese or bacon, and a separate bacon cheeseburger.

Me: “Sorry, no, just the chicken sandwich combo, with cheese and bacon on it.”

Cashier: “Right, a grilled chicken combo and then a bacon cheeseburger.”

Me: “No. Just the grilled chicken. I want the cheese and bacon on the grilled chicken. Just the one sandwich with [side] and [drink].”

Cashier: “Yes, that’s what I have here. The grilled chicken sandwich combo and a bacon cheeseburger.”

Me: “That is not what I’m asking for. I just want one grilled chicken sandwich, and I want the grilled chicken sandwich to have cheese and bacon on it.”

Cashier: “So, two grilled chicken sandwiches and a bacon cheeseburger.”

Me: “No. There is only one chicken sandwich. That’s the only sandwich I want, and I want it with cheese and bacon on it.”

Cashier: “So, you want the bacon cheeseburger as a combo, too?”

I’m seconds away from just walking out.

Me: “There is no bacon cheeseburger. At all. I do not want a bacon cheeseburger. I just want my grilled chicken sandwich to be made with cheese and bacon on it.”

Thankfully, another employee can sense my agitation and comes over. I repeat my order one more time in front of the second employee. They can definitely tell I’m annoyed, but I’m still maintaining a polite, if firm, tone.

Employee #2: “[Cashier], they want cheese and bacon on the grilled chicken sandwich. Not a bacon cheeseburger.”

Cashier: “That’s what I put in!”

Employee #2: “Just let me do it.”

They shoo the cashier away and start ringing everything in properly.

Employee #2: “Sorry about that. I have no idea why that happened.”

Me: *Starting to relax* “It’s okay, I don’t mind clarifying my order, but I really don’t know how else I could have said it.”

Employee #2: “I understand. Thank you for letting me help make it right.”

I don’t necessarily hold it against the first cashier, but if someone is saying they didn’t order something, why keep insisting you’re correct?

When Someone Else’s Incompetence Becomes Your Problem, Somehow

, , , , , | Right | August 5, 2022

I work for a company that installs insulation into homes. We get a call from a contractor that hires us frequently, asking about insulation that was installed incorrectly into a home they built, and trying to get it fixed. Looking up the address, I see that we quoted the job but didn’t do any work there.

Me: “It looks like we didn’t actually install the insulation in that project.”

Contractor: “I know. Your quote was quite high, so we hired [Competitor] to do it, and they did a really bad job…”

He spends several minutes describing the problem again.

Me: “Okay. We can come out and get you a quote for repairs.”

Contractor: “But I thought there was a guarantee. If we need repairs, you are supposed to do it for free.”

Me: “Yes, we guarantee our own work, and if we had installed something incorrectly, we would fix it for free.”

Contractor: “Well, [Competitor]’s work is also guaranteed, so don’t you have to fix it for free?”

Me: “No, they have to fix it for free. We don’t guarantee work that we don’t do.”

Contractor: “But I don’t want them to do it. They did a really bad job. I want you to do it!”

Me: “We will do it — for a fee. We are happy to come out and have a look and let you know how much that will be.”

After another twenty minutes of this, he finally agreed to have us quote an actual price to do the work. The owner decided to take a little pity on him, as he does do a fair amount of work with us, and the quote ended up being less than $300, which would cover the materials and most of the labour, although we would probably end up losing a little money on it.

After the work was complete and the bill was paid, he emailed us a bill for $4,200! It was for the removal of the damaged areas, the assessment, and the replacement of the finishes. My boss ended up calling him and spending forty minutes explaining to him why we were not responsible for the damages to a house caused by other people doing work poorly.

No good deed goes unpunished.

And That’s How The Kindness Cookie Crumbles

, , , , , , , , , , | Right | August 1, 2022

It’s the dead of winter, it’s almost 8:00 pm, I’ve just finished work five hours late, and I’m exhausted and hungry. The day has been a nightmare from the start and I’m at the end of my rope for dealing with nonsense. I’m not angry, just worn out. I stop off at a sandwich shop on my way home.

I get in line behind a gaggle of fourteen- and fifteen-year-olds. No biggie, I haven’t eaten since lunch, so what’re a few more minutes?

From the start, the teenagers are snotty and entitled, almost deliberately trying to fluster the cashier. I think about saying something, but with the mood I am in, it wouldn’t go well. Instead, I just walk out and go to another location of the same chain not too far away.

I walk in, and thankfully, this one is quiet. I must look about as good as I am feeling because the man behind the counter strikes up a conversation. I don’t go into detail or mention anything about the other shop, but it is nice to have someone listen for a minute.

We chat a bit more as he cashes me out, and by the end, I have a smile on my face — or as much of one as I can manage. I thank him for the food and for listening, and I finish my drive home.

When I open the bag up, I find that the employee slipped in a handful of extra cookies. He went out of his way to make my awful day better.

It’s been a few years since this happened and I still haven’t forgotten it. Whoever you are, thank you. I hope the world has returned your kindness.

And That’s How The CEO Cookie Crumbles
And That’s How The Stolen Cookie Crumbles
And That’s How The Ninth Cookie Crumbles
And That’s How The Cookie Infuriatingly Crumbles
And That’s How The Cookie Mathematically Crumbles