(Although I normally work nights, I’m taking another drive-thru shift for a friend.)

Me: “Welcome to [Coffee Shop]. May I take your order, please?”

Customer: “Chicken wrap guy.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Chicken wrap guy.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I’m not the girl that normally works drive-thru. We switched shifts.”

Customer: “So, you don’t know my order, then?”

Me: “Sorry, sir, but I don’t. What would you like?”

Customer: “Crap. Now I have to remember what I eat!”

This story is part of the Drive-Thru roundup!

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(I work at a hotel half an hour away from Niagara Falls.)

Customer: “What time do the Falls stop?”

Me: “You mean the stores? I think they’re probably closed-”

Customer: “No, no, the Falls. What time do they run until?”

Me: “The lights? I believe 10 or so–”

Customer: “No, no, I mean the actual waterfall. What time do they turn it off?”

Me: “Midnight.”

(It’s about 11:30 pm, so they thank me and run out. Two hours later, they return.)

Customer: “Thanks a lot for the help earlier! I guess it was our lucky day. They didn’t turn them off yet!”

This story is part of our Clueless Tourists roundup!

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Customer: “My shrimp is cold.”

Me: “Okay, sorry about that, ma’am. I’ll bring it to the kitchen and they’ll make you a new serving right away.”

Customer: “Fine, but feel this shrimp. Feel how cold it is.”

Me: “Ma’am, that’s unnecessary. I believe that it’s cold. Just let me take the plate away for you so I can get you a new serving.”

Customer: “Feel my shrimp!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m not going to touch your shrimp.”

Customer: “Feel my shrimp or I’m leaving!”

(I work at a tourist information booth set up along the path by Niagara Falls.)

Tourist: “Excuse me, ma’am. How do I get to the falls from here?”

Me: “The Falls? They’re just behind me. That one is the Canadian Falls, also known as the Horseshoe Falls, and that other one’s the American Falls. ”

Tourist: “Why is the Cay-nay-dian Falls bigger than ours?”

Me: “Geography, I suppose.”

Tourist: “I think you have it wrong. The big one MUST be the American one.”

Me: “No, that one is the Canadian Falls.”

Tourist: “This is insane! I’m going to write my congressman and demand that that-there big falls should be ours! You Cay-Nay-Dians shouldn’t have the big one!”

Me: “You’re going to annex our Falls? Really?”

Tourist: “H*** yes I am! I have more of a right to it than you do!”

Me: “But… it’s in my country.”

Tourist: “Well, we’ll just see about that!” *storms off*

This story is part of our Canada Day roundup!

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Customer: “Do you have any maps of South Africa?”

(We’re in Ontario, Canada.)

Me: *having a look* “No, it seems we don’t. Your best bet will be to check online or to wait until you get there.”

Customer: “But you have maps of everywhere else! I looked on the computer and it said you had them!”

Me: “Did we have any in stock?”

Customer: “You have maps of places all over the states, but not South Africa.”

Me: “I guess there’s more interest because people can drive there.”

Customer: “This is discrimination! I want a map of South Africa.”

Me: “Let me go check the computer again.” *runs*

This story is part of the South Africa Roundup!

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