(I have just gotten my first job, at age sixteen. I am a clerk in a gas station that mostly sells gas and cigarettes.)

Customer: “Oh, hey, [My Name], I didn’t know you worked here.”

Me: “Yeah, I just started a couple weeks ago. What can I get you?”

Customer: “Can I get a pack of cigarettes?”

Me: “We were in grade eight together, and I’m only sixteen. I’m pretty sure I can’t sell you those.”

Customer: “Yeah, I like, failed a lot of grades. I’m nineteen now.”

Me: “Really? Can I see your ID then?”

Customer: “I… I think I’ll try the 7-eleven down the street.”

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Me: “Okay, that’ll be [total].”

Customer: *gives me a twenty* “Don’t give me any quarters!”

Me: “All right.”

Customer: “I already have all the quarters!”

Me: “Oh, are you collecting coins?”

Customer: “No, but I already have all the quarters! If you give me any quarters, then I’ll know that I don’t have all the quarters! I’ll have to start all over!”

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Me: “Here’s your smoothie, ma’am.”

Customer: “Oh, does this have milk in it? I have a violent reaction to milk! I can’t have milk.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. There’s 2% in it. I can make it with a protein powder but that may have milk products in it.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, I can’t have it. Just make me a hot chocolate.”

Me: “Ma’am, to make that, I have to use milk.”

Customer: “Oh, that’s okay. I can have milk if it’s hot chocolate.”

Me: “Alrighty.”

This story is part of our roundup about people lying about their health! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

13 Reasons Why Healthcare Workers Should Rule The World

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(I pass the customer 3D glasses for his movie.)

Customer: “So these are 3D glasses?”

Me: “Yes, sir!”

Customer: *getting excited* “So, if I put them on and look at you, you’ll be in 3D?”

Me: “Sir, by definition, I’m already 3D.”

Customer: “No. I mean, if I put on 3D glasses and look at you, or anything else, will you become 3D?”

Customer’s Girlfriend: “You’re dumb. Just stop talking.”

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(A young female customer is paying for a work order. Her friends are nearby.)

Me: “The tech also recommends a tire rotation.”

Customer: “Oh okay… is that something I could get a friend to do?”

Me: “If they’ve got a jack and the lug nut key, sure.”

(Her friends come over.)

Customer: *to another young female friend* “I have to rotate my tires.”

Customer’s Friend: “I thought they did that when you drive?”

This story is part of the Auto-Shop roundup!

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