The Lights Are Off, But Sadly Someone’s Home, Part 2

, , , | Right | February 12, 2010

Caller: “I’m trying to help my mother with a computer problem. Her Internet keeps cutting out and just stops working without warning.”

Me: “That’s unusual. Does the computer offer any error messages?”

Caller: “No, that’s what’s really weird. The computer also just dies randomly.”

Me: “The computer dies and the Internet stops. Does anything else happen?”

Caller: “She says the lights go out in this room.”

Me: “Just that room?”

Caller: “Yes.”

Me: “Does she normally turn off the lights by using a wall switch?”

Caller: “Yes, how did you know?”

Me: “Is her computer plugged into something like a power bar, that is plugged into the same outlet as the light?”

Caller: “Yes… oh. I’m an idiot, aren’t I?”


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North Of The Moral Border

, , , , , , , | Right | February 4, 2010

(A mother approaches me, violently dragging her two teenage boys along.)

Mother: “I demand you call the police immediately and have them arrest those ‘flashers’ at once!”

(She motions to the two topless girls on the beach.)

Me: “Actually, here in Ontario, it’s legal for women to go topless. Are you not from around here?”

Mother: “I am from America where we have morals and standards. You people sicken me! They are far too young to be doing that!”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, but there is technically no age limit on the law. It applies the same as it does to your sons.”

Mother: “Is there not a family section for decent people to enjoy the beach without these sick perverts exposing themselves to everyone?”

Me: “Again, I apologize, but it’s not about the beach. It’s legal for women of any age to go topless anywhere outdoors they please… same as men.”

Mother: “I will sue this whole country for punitive damages! My sons will be scarred for life!”

(Her sons are clearly scarred, as they are staring at the topless girls with huge grins on their faces. All of a sudden, three more topless girls walk past. She attempts to cover both her sons’ eyes with her hands.)

Mother: “Heathens! You will all burn in Hell! Sinners and perverts, that’s all you Canadians are!”


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No Shirt, No Brains, No Service

, , , , | Right | February 4, 2010

(Although I normally work nights, I’m taking another drive-thru shift for a friend.)

Me: “Welcome to [Coffee Shop]. May I take your order, please?”

Customer: “Chicken wrap guy.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Chicken wrap guy.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I’m not the girl that normally works drive-thru. We switched shifts.”

Customer: “So, you don’t know my order, then?”

Me: “Sorry, sir, but I don’t. What would you like?”

Customer: “Crap. Now I have to remember what I eat!”


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Just Give Them A Watered Down Answer

, , , , , , , | Right | February 3, 2010

(I work at a hotel half an hour away from Niagara Falls.)

Customer: “What time do the Falls stop?”

Me: “You mean the stores? I think they’re probably closed-”

Customer: “No, no, the Falls. What time do they run until?”

Me: “The lights? I believe 10 or so–”

Customer: “No, no, I mean the actual waterfall. What time do they turn it off?”

Me: “Midnight.”

(It’s about 11:30 pm, so they thank me and run out. Two hours later, they return.)

Customer: “Thanks a lot for the help earlier! I guess it was our lucky day. They didn’t turn them off yet!”


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Customer Is No Shrimping Violet

, , , | Right | January 28, 2010

Customer: “My shrimp is cold.”

Me: “Okay, sorry about that, ma’am. I’ll bring it to the kitchen and they’ll make you a new serving right away.”

Customer: “Fine, but feel this shrimp. Feel how cold it is.”

Me: “Ma’am, that’s unnecessary. I believe that it’s cold. Just let me take the plate away for you so I can get you a new serving.”

Customer: “Feel my shrimp!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m not going to touch your shrimp.”

Customer: “Feel my shrimp or I’m leaving!”

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