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Their Knowledge On Communism Is Garbage

, , , , | Right | August 12, 2021

I’m manning the drive-thru at my popular fast food coffee joint, which is located in a gas station. A lady in a van orders her coffee and pulls to the window.

Me: *After handing her the coffee* “Your coffee is [total], please.”

Customer: “Okay, and can you throw this in the garbage for me?”

Me: “No, sorry, we can’t take trash through the drive-thru, but there’s a garbage can at all of the gas pumps.”

Customer: “Well, it’s your garbage, anyway!

She points to the ten-plus coffee cups she has from our coffee shop.

Customer: “You should be taking it! Why won’t you take it?!”

Me: “I can’t; it’s a health and safety issue.”

Customer: “I didn’t know we lived in a communist country!*Speeds off*

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The Audacity Of This Hospitality!

, , , , | Working | July 27, 2021

My wife and I have booked a much-needed weekend getaway at Niagara Falls. We have specifically reserved a room with a king-sized bed, despite the extra cost, and we booked over two months in advance. Now, a mere two days before our reservation, I get a call from the hotel.

Employee: “Hello, [My Name], this is [Hotel Chain] calling. I’m calling about a change to your reservation.”

Me: “Okay, what kind of change?”

Employee: “It seems we’re overbooked for rooms with a king bed, so I’m calling to let you know we’ve changed you to a room with two double beds, instead.”

Me: “I’m sorry, what?”

Employee: “We won’t have any king beds available for the nights that you’re staying, so we’ve changed you to a room with two double beds.”

Me: “You’re overbooked?”

Employee: “Yes, sir. That’s correct.”

I consider doing a Jerry Seinfeld impression about “holding” a reservation but decide to be direct, instead.

Me: “You mean, like, you have ten rooms with a king bed, but have eleven people booked to stay in them?”

Employee: “Yes, sir. That’s essentially correct. But we will refund you the difference in price.”

Me: “No. You’re going to call one of the other ten people with reservations and hope they have less backbone than I do.”

There’s a long, long pause.

Employee: “Okay, sir.”

Me: “Thank you.” *Click*

We had our king bed when we arrived. Was I a jerk?

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Sizing You Up For A Scam Discount

, , , , | Right | July 25, 2021

I work as a supervisor at a popular thrift store. We are allowed to adjust prices for valid reasons, i.e. damage that was unnoticed when priced or has occurred after the item made it on the floor, items that are obviously mispriced, etc.

Employee: “The lady wants to know if we can adjust the price for these boots.”

Me: “Did she give a reason why?”

Employee: “Uhm, they are a bit tight on her?”

Me: “Seriously?”

I look over the boots and the price to make sure they are accurately priced.

Me: “No, we can’t. They are priced correctly. Them not being her size isn’t really our problem.”

She ended up buying them anyway, so I guess they weren’t that tight!

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Not Fluent In The Language Of Love

, , , , , , | Right | July 15, 2021

I am a lawyer practicing in a pretty diverse area. I speak English, Sinhala, and Tamil, and I take meetings in all three languages.

I had this couple come to meet with me. The husband spoke Sinhala as his first language and had a smattering of English, but the wife spoke Cantonese as her first language and spoke decent English. It was very confusing. I still have no idea how they managed to get married without being able to communicate without a translator. A lot of pointing, I suppose?

The meeting went okay, with me relaying things in Sinhala and English and translating where necessary, but the final moments of the meeting were the most surprising.

Me: “So, is there anything else we need to discuss?”

Husband: *Looks bashful* “Um, would you mind telling my wife I love her?”

Me: “No?”

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Someone Owes You Another Massage

, , , , | Healthy | July 5, 2021

A few years ago, I had my annual physical done, including all sorts of samples to be handed in. The next day, I went to my massage therapist and had extensive work done on my shoulders, neck, and back. Feeling much more relaxed, I went outside and found a voicemail on my phone.

Voicemail: “This is the receptionist from [Doctor] calling. He says he’s gotten your test results in and wants you to come in as soon as you can.”

Instantly fearing the worst, and undoing the stress-relief from my massage, I manage to book an appointment for that same afternoon.

Doctor: “It’s nothing major; your fluid levels are just a little low. I want you to drink more water and it should correct itself.”

Thanks, receptionist. And yes, drinking more water did help.

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