(This is a story my dad has told often. It happened back in the 70s.)

Telemarketer: “Congratulations, sir. You have been selected for our contest. If you can answer one skill-testing question, you’ll win a prize. Are you in?”

My Dad: “Sure.”

Telemarketer: “Okay. I’ll give you four letters. Unscramble them to reveal the name of a well-known American comedian. First name is Bob. Okay? E, O, H, P.”

My Dad: “Bob Hope?”

Telemarketer: “Congratulations! You’ve won a month’s worth of free lessons at [local dance studio]!”

My Dad: “No, thank you.”

(A few days later, he gets a call again. Clearly, they’ve forgotten to cross him off their list because they give the same contest and question. Dad, however, decides to have a little fun.)

My Dad: “Is it Bob Pohe?”

Telemarketer: “No, sir. Would you like to try again?”

My Dad: “Oh, sure. Is it Bob Hepo?”

(Dad goes through every combination he can think of except the correct answer. Eventually, the telemarketer gives up.)

Telemarketer: “Sorry, sir. We do, however, have a consolation prize. You get a month of free dance lessons at [local dance studio]!”

Me: “Would you like to make a donation to help support children who are sent back to school without supplies?”

Customer: “Oh, fine.”

Me: “Okay, you can make a donation in any amount that you like, or you can donate a back to school kit, which has nine essential school supplies in it. The kits are five bucks.”

Customer: “Fine, I’ll donate a kit.”

Me: “Great, thanks for your contribution!”

Customer: “How long is this going to be going on for? Because this is my third time coming into the store, and I get asked every time to donate! I’m going to run out of money!”

Me: “It’s going on ’til September, but you know, you’re allowed to say ‘No’ when we ask you.”

Customer: “No, I’m not!”

This story is part of our Customers Who Dislike Charity roundup!

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(I’m watching ‘The Avengers’. Suddenly I see a mother, with a little boy who is dressed in an Iron Man costume and bouncing up the steps and scuttling into his booster seat. I am worried at first that he will be very noisy, but he is probably the most well-behaved little boy I have ever seen at the movies. The movie comes to the part where Loki is being taken to the gigantic holding cell. Suddenly, this little boy has a very important question to ask his mother, one he just couldn’t really keep to himself.)

Boy: “Mommy, is he going into time out?”

(Little fantastic boy in the Iron Man costume, you just made that scene forever funny in my mind.)

(I am the manager. One afternoon, my assistant manager and one of my employees comes up to me.)

Assistant Manager: *completely straight-faced* “Is it, or is it not okay for me to take a plastic bag and place it over an employee’s head while he is serving a customer?”

Me: “Um… no, it’s not.”

Employee: “Well, that’s what he just did.”

Assistant Manager: “But the customer laughed!”

(The town of Niagara on the Lake is celebrating the 200th anniversary of the War of 1812 and we occasionally get tourists asking about it. This tourist has been nice and friendly up to this point.)

Me: “Here’s your change. Have a nice day!”

Tourist: “I have a question. What’s all this 1812 stuff about?”

Me: “Well, 200 years ago, the United States went to war with the British in what is now Canada. Neith—”

Tourist: “THAT NEVER HAPPENED! THAT’S A LIE!” *stomps out of the store*

Me: *stunned*

This story is part of our Canada Day roundup!

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