Managers Are Used To Spot Checks

, , , , | Right | August 17, 2010

(Our tea shop closes at 9:00 pm. The time is currently 9:10. There is one couple and their child still in the store. I am cleaning the bathroom. The customer opens the bathroom door.)

Me: “I’m sorry, I’m cleaning this bathroom.”

Customer: “But my son has to go.”

Me: “I’m using bleach; it’s very dangerous here. I can’t let you use the bathroom.”

Customer: “But my son has to go!”

Me: “I can’t let you use it. We’re already closed and I have to finish cleaning.”

Customer: *to another employee* “Your crazy cleaning lady won’t let my son use the bathroom. Can I speak to your manager?”

Coworker: “That is the manager.”

(The customer silently grabbed his wife and son and walked out without another word.)

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Death By A-Salt

, , , , , , , | Right | August 13, 2010

Customer: “I checked your flyer and it said that [Major Brand] margarine was on sale this week.”

Me: “I don’t believe so, but I will check our flyer to see.”

(As I’m flipping through the pages she stops when she sees an advertisement for a sale.)

Customer: “See, right there. It says save $2.98.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but it says save $2.98 when you buy [Company Brand] Margarine, not [Major Brand].”

Customer: “Oh. Well, my husband needs the salt-free kind, and [Company Brand] doesn’t make a salt-free.”

Me: “That’s not the one that’s on sale.”

Customer: “He needs a salt-free kind.”

Me: “Then you’ll have to buy the [Major Brand] one.”

Customer: “But it’s not on sale, and he needs a salt-free.”

Me: “Yes, I heard you ma’am, but if [Company Brand], doesn’t make a salt-free margarine, then you will have to buy the [Major Brand].”

Customer: “You don’t understand. My husband needs a salt-free margarine. If he has a normal margarine, it will spike his sodium and he’ll die.”

Me: “Then you’ll have to buy the [Major Brand].”

Customer: “But it’s not on sale.”

Me: “Well, there’s nothing I can do about it, ma’am.”

Customer: “You really don’t care anything about my husband’s health, do you? You don’t care that he could die so easily do you?”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s not that I don’t care. You can buy the salt-free [Major Brand].”

Customer: “But that margarine isn’t on sale! You are just going to stand there and murder my husband!”

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Buffalos In The Mist

, , , , | Right | July 27, 2010

Customer: “I’m looking for some cheese, but I can’t remember what it’s called.”

Me: “Well, we carry over a hundred different kinds of cheese. Is there anything that you know about it?”

Customer: “It’s a type of Parmesan cheese, and I think it was made from gorilla milk.”

Me: “Gorilla? Uh, do you mean buffalo?”

Customer: “They’re the same thing!”


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For Ditzy Customers, Please Press 2

, , , | Right | July 24, 2010

(I am calling a customer to let them know that their order is in.)

Me: “May I please speak with Mrs. [Customer]?”

Customer: “Speaking.”

Me: “Hi there, this is [My Name]. I’m calling from [Store] to let you know that your order is in, and you can come pick it up anytime.”

*long pause*

Me: “Hello?”

Customer: “Oh! I’m sorry. I thought you were a recording!”

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Not Down Low On The Download

, , , , , , | Right | July 23, 2010

Me: “Hi, can I help you find anything?”

Customer: “Yeah, do you have [Game] for PC?”

Me: “Yes, we do. It’s $30. Would you like to purchase it?”

Customer: “No, thanks. I just wanted to see how much money I saved by downloading it instead.”

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