Tickled Black

, , , , | Right | March 4, 2010

Customer: “I have a complaint about this ‘Tickle Me Elmo’ toy.”

Me: “Go ahead.”

Customer: “I saw a few videos online that it’s really a “Tickle Me Emo”! How dare you try to teach kids to be emo!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but those videos are fake and were created just for a laugh. That is a Tickle Me Elmo and it’s completely appropriate for kids.”

Customer: “Oh, okay.” *a few seconds later* “So, where can I find a ‘Tickle Me Emo’?”


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Mrs. Understanding

, , , , | Right | March 1, 2010

(A mother and daughter approach the till. The mother neatly places the items they want to take on the counter. The daughter throws an unwanted dress in a heap.)

Mother: *to daughter* “No, no, no! You pick that up! You hang that on the hanger! YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND! Hang it up and put it away!”

(The daughter starts to hang it up.)

Mother: “You need to understand what it’s like working here! You need to get a job in retail so that you will understand! Everyone should work in retail! When we get home, you’re getting a job in retail!”

(The mother turns to me.)

Mother: “Don’t you think everyone should work here? Isn’t this a terrible job?”

Me: “How about food service?”

Mother: *gasps* “Yes! Yes!” *turns to daughter* “When we get home, you’re getting a job at a restaurant, so you will understand!”

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Each Birthday Brings Darker Days

, , , , , , | Right | February 25, 2010

Customer: “Do you guys still do that free tan on your birthday thing?”

Me: “Yes, we do!”

Customer: “Well, no one called me!”

Me: “Oh, we don’t actually call the clients.”

Customer: “How am I supposed to know when to come then?”

Me: “You just come in on your birthday.”

Customer: “Well, when is that?”

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A Beeping Idiot

, , , , | Right | February 16, 2010

Me: “Thank you for calling [Cellphone Company]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Okay, now listen: this cellphone won’t make outgoing calls. What the h*** is wrong with it?”

Me: “I’ll check to see if there are any blocks on it or anything wrong with the account.” *beep*

Caller: “Did you hear that beep? It keeps doing that, too!”

Me: “Wait, are you calling me from that cellphone?”

Caller: “Yes, why?”


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The Lights Are Off, But Sadly Someone’s Home, Part 2

, , , | Right | February 12, 2010

Caller: “I’m trying to help my mother with a computer problem. Her Internet keeps cutting out and just stops working without warning.”

Me: “That’s unusual. Does the computer offer any error messages?”

Caller: “No, that’s what’s really weird. The computer also just dies randomly.”

Me: “The computer dies and the Internet stops. Does anything else happen?”

Caller: “She says the lights go out in this room.”

Me: “Just that room?”

Caller: “Yes.”

Me: “Does she normally turn off the lights by using a wall switch?”

Caller: “Yes, how did you know?”

Me: “Is her computer plugged into something like a power bar, that is plugged into the same outlet as the light?”

Caller: “Yes… oh. I’m an idiot, aren’t I?”


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