Short-Change Deranged

, , , , , | Right | March 7, 2011

(I have just entered a customer’s order coming to $15.50. He hands me a twenty.)

Customer: “Oh, could I get another small popcorn too?”

Me: “Of course, sir.”

(I get the popcorn and add it to the order. It now totals $19.95. I give him 5 cents back. The customer walks away and I finish a few more orders. He comes back angry.)

Customer: “You shortchanged me!”

Me: “Are you sure, sir?”

Customer: “Of course I’m sure, you idiot! You only gave me back a nickel. You took four bucks from me! Give it to me now!”

Me: “I can’t just give you money from the till. In fact, I remember your order. It was $19.95 and you gave me a twenty.”

Customer: “Don’t lie to me! It was fifteen something!”

(My manager overhears.)

Manager: “What’s going on here?”

Customer: “This b*** short changed me four bucks!”

Me: “Sir, you saw the total at $15.50. Then, you asked for a small popcorn. Do you remember that?”

Customer: “Count the cash in the drawer! No, wait. She probably pocketed it! Empty your pockets now!”

(I show him there is nothing in my pockets.)

Customer: “She probably put it in her bra! Take off your clothes! Now!”

Manager: “She’s not taking off any clothes.”

Customer: “Fine! Then just let me put my hand in her bra and get my money out!”

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Taking A Gamble

, , , , | Right | March 4, 2011

Customer: “Recommend the movie I am thinking of!”

Me: “Pardon?”

Customer: “You heard me. Are you deaf? Recommend the movie that I am thinking of!”

(I reach over and put my hand on her head.)

Customer:CASINO!”

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Goldilocks Is Better Off With The Bears

, , , , , | Right | February 28, 2011

(Note: We sell a mosquito tent for babies that is very compact and light.)

Customer: “Hi, I have a question about your baby tent?”

Me: “Sure, what would you like to know?”

Customer: “Can the tent withstand a bear attack?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Well, let’s say we go camping and my husband and I are sun tanning on the other side of the lake. If a bear comes into the campsite, will the tent protect my child?”

Me: “I’m sorry, I’m confused. Who is in the campsite with your baby while you are on the other side of the lake?”

Customer: “Nobody. Why?”

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Don’t Knock It Until You’ve Pried It

, , , , , | Right | February 24, 2011

(We are closed and counting money from the register when a customer approaches the locked door and tries to open it. She notices the closed sign and tries the door again, then knocks on the door loudly and pulls hard on the door — so hard, in fact, that she manages to fit her shoe through the crack. Worried about a broken door, I open the door quickly.)

Customer: “Are you open?”

Me: “No, we are closed.”

Customer: “Then why did you open the door?!”

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This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 9

, , , , | Right | February 23, 2011

(I’m setting a customer up for a pre-authorized payment so her checking account pays her credit card automatically on the due date. I’m going over all the details.)

Me: “If there aren’t sufficient funds in the bank account at the time of payment, an NSF fee will be charged.”

Customer: “What?! You mean I have to have money in my bank account?”

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