In CyberSpace, No One Can Hear You Scream

, , , , | Right | October 22, 2010

Me: “Thank you for calling [Internet Company]. You have reached [My Name]. How can I help?”

Customer: “The Internet isn’t working again!”

Me: “I’m very sorry to hear that; how long has it not been working?”

Customer: “Since all the weird lights last night!”

Me: “Oh, okay. Well, what are the lights on the modem doing now?”

Customer: “How am I supposed to know? It’s covered in tinfoil!”

Me: “Ma’am, that a terrible fire hazard! You need to unwrap that now!”

Customer: “Absolutely not! It’s the only way to keep the aliens out! I would rather burn the house down than allow them into my computer!”

Me: “I’m sorry… aliens?”

Customer: “Yes, aliens! And those weird lights outside; I told you! That’s why it’s not working!”

(I hear her handling aluminum foil and a dog barking in the background.)

Customer: “So, are you going to get me a new modem or not?”

Me: “Certainly, just a moment.”

Customer: “That’s what I thought! Now hurry up! I need to go rewrap the dog!”


This story is part of our customer conspiracy theorists roundup!

Read the next customer conspiracy theorists roundup story!

Read the customer conspiracy theorists roundup!

1 Thumbs
3,321

The Spice Girls Have A Lot To Answer For

, , , , | Right | October 20, 2010

(I work in a very small café and there is a line heading out the door. A customer is ordering when a woman comes in and walks up to the front of the line.)

Male Coworker: “Miss? There is a line.”

Customer: “Ever heard of ‘ladies first’?”

Male Coworker: “I understand that, ma’am, but you are also cutting in front of many other women who have been patiently waiting.”

Customer: “I am a woman. I have rights! I don’t have to listen to you!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m afraid he’s right. You do need to go to the end of the line.”

Customer: *looking disappointed* “But… but… what about girl power?”


This story is part of our Women’s Equality Day roundup!

Read the next Women’s Equality Day story!

Read the Women’s Equality Day roundup!

1 Thumbs
3,499

His Groceries Have Just Been Terminated

, , , , | Right | September 29, 2010

(I am ringing up a customer at my register; she has just told me she forgot her rewards card at home.)

Me: “Do you have a reward card? Oh, shoot. Sorry! It’s just a habit to ask for it.”

Customer: “Haha, don’t worry about it. I understand.”

(There is an elderly man in line behind her.)

Elderly Man: “They’ve programmed you!”

Me: “Haha, yeah, I guess they have.”

Elderly Man: *shouting alarmingly* “They’ve programmed you! You’re some sort of robot, aren’t you?”

Me: *jokingly* “Yep, I’m a robot!”

Elderly Man: *totally serious* “I knew it! You filthy robot! You’re going to kill me, aren’t you? This is some kind of government conspiracy! They sent you here to kill me! Well, I won’t let you!”

(He ran out of the store.)


This story is part of our Weird Checkout Encounters roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

 

Grocery Workers – We Salute You!  

 

Read the next Weird Checkout Encounters roundup story!

Read the Weird Checkout Encounters roundup!

1 Thumbs
3,653

Fishing For Intelligence

, , , | Right | September 27, 2010

(At this time we are having a “fishing derby” where kids can bring fish in and we will measure them. The three biggest fish that have been caught have their measurements on a board.)

Customer: “Are these fish measured in feet?”

Me: “No, they are measured in inches.”

Customer: “Are you sure?”

Me: “I’m positive considering the biggest according to the board would have to be 17 feet, and the only fish I can think of that can grow to be 17 feet long is a shark.”

Customer: “You have sharks in this lake?!”

1 Thumbs
1,799

It Would Explain Canada’s Lack Of Sun

, , , , , | Right | September 22, 2010

(I have just activated a new smart-phone for a customer. I am showing them how to set it up.)

Me: “…and that is how you would send a text message. Do you have any other questions?”

Customer: “The time is wrong on this phone.”

Me: “That’s because you haven’t selected the correct time zone. Here, I will show you the time setup.”

(I show the customer the list of time zones, and briefly leave her to answer another customer’s question.)

Customer: *impatiently* “Excuse me! Excuse me! This phone you have given me is broken!”

Me: “Broken? Why do you say that?”

Customer: “There is no ‘Canadian’ time zone! It keeps trying to put it on ‘Eastern’!”

Me: “Yes, that would be correct, it’s seven o’clock here.”

Customer: *indignantly* “We don’t live in the east! This is Canada!”


This story is part of our 2nd Terrible At Geography roundup!

Read the next Terrible At Geography roundup story!

Read the 2nd Terrible At Geography roundup!

1 Thumbs
2,282