(Our town has an earthquake and a tornado in the same day. The earthquake is very small, but the tornado does a lot of damage to certain areas of the town, and also wipes the power out for a day and a half. Naturally, we close the store when this happens, and reopen once the power is restored.)

Customer: “I was supposed to have my computer back yesterday, but I came in to get it and you guys were closed! I want a refund!”

Tech: “We were closed because there was a tornado and there was no power.”

Customer: “I don’t care why my computer wasn’t fixed on time! I want it done now!”

Tech: “Since we were closed, because of the tornado and all, we couldn’t repair any of the computers that were booked in. We just reopened this afternoon, so I’m starting to work on them all now.”

Customer: “Well, when will it be ready?!”

Tech: “Probably tomorrow.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! It was supposed to be ready yesterday, and now it’s not going to be ready until tomorrow?!”

Tech: “Yes. Because there was a tornado.”

This story is part of our Somehow Even More Weather roundup!

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(I am at my first job. I answer the phone, and this conversation occurs.)

Me: “Hello! This is—”

Customer: “Is this is the Enterprise?”

(I freeze, confused, thinking that that he means the Starship Enterprise, like in “Star Trek.”)

Me: “No?”

Customer: “Okay, thanks.”

(I turned around to face my coworkers, absolute bafflement on my face. When they stopped laughing at my expression, my coworkers explained that there was a car dealership named Enterprise in the phone book, close to our job. That made much more sense than what I thought.)

Customer: “I have six boxes I want to ship. Can you do that?”

Me: “Sure, we can.”

Customer: “Okay. They might be heavy; I have a lot of clothes in them.”

Me: “That’s okay; the max weight for shipping out is 150 pounds.”

Customer: “Oh. I have a lot of cotton clothes. But there’s six boxes.”

Me: “Okay. Do you have them here?”

Customer: “No. But you’ll be able to tell me, right?”

Me: “Tell you what?”

Customer: “Yeah… see, ’cause I have to send all these costumes back, and some of them are heavy, like one of them is 7 pounds on its own, but most of the other clothes are just cotton.”

Me: “…oh.”

Customer: “So, you’ll have an idea, right?”

Me: “An idea of what?”

Customer: “Of the cost.”

Me: “Oh, well I can create an estimate. Where’s it going?”

Customer: “California.”

Me: “Okay, do you have the zip code?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Do you have the address?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “I’ll need one or the other in order to get a proper quote for you. Do you have it saved in your phone or something?”

Customer: “No. But yeah. You can get an idea. Yeah, there’s a lot of clothes that I’m sending, and I’m so mad that I have to send them all back. It’ll probably be 150 pounds once I fill all the boxes.”

(I kind of want her to stop talking, since I don’t even know how to respond to her, so I type in 90210 as the zip code so that I can give her some kind of quote.)

Me: “This quote isn’t totally accurate, because I just put in 90210 for the zip code, but it’s coming up to [price]. That’s for six boxes at this size, all equaling 150 pounds.”

Customer: “WHAT?! That’s so expensive! How much would it cost to send it Canada Post?”

Me: “I’m not sure; you’d have to go to the post office.”

Customer: “Because this guy, his size is like 34x34x34! Like, you’ve got to be joking! So I put the pants on and they come up to my neck! I was so mad! I can’t wear these! They said they’d send me 50 bucks to mail them back, but there’s so many costumes!”

Me: “…oh.”

Customer: “But, oh my gosh, you’ve been so helpful! Thank you so much! Oh my gosh, I’m so happy now! Thanks!”

(She leaves and I turn to my coworker:)
Me: “That was weird.”

(I’m a cashier. An older lady comes up with her grown son, looking for construction sand. The son explains that there are only two bags left in the bay where the sand is kept, and they need eight. I radio the back and the backlot staff tell me they need about ten minutes to bring more over with a forklift. Ten minutes go by, and the pallet still has not arrived. The mother checks back with me and I give the back a call. They tell me the forklift was in use and they are waiting for it. I tell the customers it will be a bit longer. Another ten minutes pass, and the mother is getting visibly annoyed and muttering under her breath.)

Mother: “I can’t believe it’s taking this long. We should have been out of here ten minutes ago. What kind of customer service is this?”

Son: “Mum, weren’t you just saying today that you want to make sure you don’t develop bad habits as you get older? This is how you end up as an angry old lady shouting at cashiers because your coupon is expired.”

(The mother shut up and waited patiently for the sand to arrive. The son flashed me a knowing smile as he paid. I get the feeling he’s worked retail before.)

(It is just before Christmas. Our office is small and has a Secret Santa every year. [Coworker #2] and I have similar nerdy interests, but [Coworker #1] does not.)

Coworker #1: “I don’t know what to get [Coworker #2]. You like the same kinds of things she does. Any ideas?”

Me: “She likes Zelda and Nightmare Before Christmas and Avengers; you could try going to [Alternative Store #1] or [Alternative Store #2].”

Coworker #1: “I don’t know what any of those words you just said mean.”

Me: “Well, she also likes Harry Potter. You could get her something from that. I think her house is Ravenclaw.”

Coworker #1: “Now you’re just making words up.”