He Watches When You’re Sleeping

, , , , , , | Related | December 25, 2017

(My daughter comes home from preschool in December with a stuffed animal that I know she doesn’t own. We do not celebrate Christmas so my daughter and I have no background knowledge in anything related that holiday.)

Me: “[Daughter], where did that giraffe come from?”

Daughter: “A man gave it to me.”

Me: “A man?”

Daughter: “Yeah, he came to the preschool and gave everyone toys!”

Me: “Did the teachers know this man?”

Daughter: “[Friend] says he’s always watching us. He was really nice.”

(At this point I’m about to call the preschool freaking out about a male stalking my little girl when my husband jumps in.)

Husband: “Watch this, honey… Did this man have a red suit on and a long white beard?”

Daughter: “Yeah! You know him too, Daddy?”

(And that is how I almost called the preschool freaking out because I thought Santa Claus was stalking my daughter.)

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Unfiltered Story #101993

, , | Unfiltered | December 25, 2017

(I work as a Teaching Assistant (TA). It is the winter holidays and the other TAs and I have come to campus to collect our students’ final exams so we can grade them before Christmas (5 days away). After we have organized everything and discussed grading schemes, I look around the room).

Me: “So, can I start now?”

TA #1: “Oh no! No-ho-ho-ho no. No way. Not a chance. Absolutely not.”

Me: *beat* “Can I start NOW?”

TA #1: “Yes, you may.”

Welcome To The Hotel Obvious

, , , , | Right | December 24, 2017

Guest: “I noticed there were room charges on my bill.”

Me: “That’s kind of how it works; you don’t get to stay for free.”

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Choking On All That ‘Drama’

, , | Healthy | December 24, 2017

(I’ve never liked going to the dentist, but this incident really made me hate it more than usual. It’s just a normal annual teeth cleaning, uncomfortable but bearable, but when the hygienist was using the polish, a chunk of it broke off and went down my throat. I started choking and the hygienist had to stop the cleaning for a moment to let me clear my airway.)

Hygienist: “Quit being such a drama queen.”

(I was furious, and made sure to tell my mom about it when I was done. I don’t know if she told the dentist about what happened, but I never saw that hygienist again.)

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This Relationship Has Gone To The Dogs

, , , | Romantic | December 21, 2017

(I am spending Christmas Eve with my boyfriend’s family and we are poking fun at each other when we have this little exchange:)

Boyfriend: *cuddling his dog*

Me: *teasing* “I remember when you used to cuddle me like that!”

Boyfriend: “Babe, do you really want me to cuddle you like I cuddle my dog!?”

Me: *over-dramatically* “I just feel so left out!”

Boyfriend: “Fine, you asked for it!” *pulls me into his arms and starts ruffling my hair the same way he ruffles his dog’s fur*

Me: “Agh! Stop, stop, stooooop!”

Boyfriend: “Hey, you said you wanted to be cuddled like my dog.”

Me: “I was kidding.”

Boyfriend: “And I gave you a taste of your own kind!”

(The moment he said that, we both collapsed into laughter, while his mother looked at as like we were aliens.)

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