That Joke Is More Than A Little Rough Around The Edges

, , , , | Right | September 19, 2017

(I work at a fast food coffee chain in Canada. Our coffee chain has gift cards that you can reload and swipe to pay. A customer is having trouble getting his to register, and on the third try, he yanks it roughly and it reads the card.)

Me: “Oh, hey! There you go; you got it!”

Customer: “Yep. It’s like a woman, you gotta be rough with it.”

Me: *long, stunned pause*

Customer: “Haha, just kidding!”

(My coworker and I are both women.)

A Fiery Proposal

, , , | Working | September 19, 2017

(My friend works at a bulk foods store.)

Supervisor: “Hey, [Friend], I need to have a quick talk with you.”

Friend: “Sure. What’s up?”

Supervisor: “I’m afraid we’re going to have to let you go.”

Friend: “What? I don’t understand. Why? I’m still only being trained, and I’ve been complimented on my quick performance.”

Supervisor: “It’s not about you. Despite being understaffed and needing to hire more employees, corporate just gave us a call and ordered us to fire half our staff. It’s not just you, but a lot of long-time employees are leaving, too.”

Friend: “Half the employees? That doesn’t sound right; how does a store this big operate with less than a dozen people?”

Supervisor: “I don’t know. It probably won’t. I’m so sorry for this; it wasn’t our intention to waste your time.”

(My friend took it well, despite the disappointment. From what I heard, they worked off of a skeleton crew, even during the holidays. The store is still open, shockingly. As far as I’m aware the chain, wasn’t going through financial troubles, and there was no news of mass layoffs at other stores.)

Not Emotionally Scarred

, , , | Right | September 18, 2017

(I have a scar on my jawline. It’s not super noticeable, but it’s there. I also have an excuse I use if anyone asks me about it and I don’t want to explain it.)

Customer: “Oh, hey, you have a little something there.”

Me: “I do?”

Customer: “Yeah, right there, by your jaw.”

Me: “Oh, yeah, that’s from when I got in a knife fight with a bear. You should see the other guy!”

Customer: “Umm, uh, really?”

Me: “I know, right? Who gives a bear a knife? They have talons already.”

Customer: *finally cluing in* “Oh, my God! I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to offend you!”

Me: “It’s okay; I have thick skin. See, right here!” *points at scar*

That’s Your Cross To Bear

, , , | Related | September 14, 2017

(My niece, my nephew, and I are all visiting my parents’ house for the weekend. In their family room, my parents have a stuffed bear that loudly sings “When I’m Sixty-Four” when you push a button on it. My nephew thinks the bear is scary and makes them put it away when he visits. This time, though, they’ve forgotten. I notice, and quietly hide it away. I go inform my mom what I’ve done.)

Me: *quietly, so just my mom can hear* “Just so you know, you forgot to put the bear away, so I’ve put it in the cupboard under the computer desk. I hope [Nephew] didn’t see it.”

Mom: “He did, but that’s okay.” *turns to my nephew* “[Nephew], Uncle [My Name] just made sure the bear went away. Do you have anything you want to say to him?”

Nephew: *looks me dead in the eye with a most serious expression and angry tone* “Don’t let it happen again.”

Not Smart Enough For A Smart Phone

, , , , | Right | September 13, 2017

(A customer enters our store. She has been here before on multiple occasions to inquire about phones and plans. She doesn’t have an account with our company yet.)

Customer: “Hi, I have come back to try to purchase a phone and plan, once again.”

Me: “Okay, what kind of phone were you looking to get?”

Customer: “I don’t know. The [Brand] one that’s easy to use.”

(We sell a lot of the mini-version of a particular phone, as starter smartphones for the older customers.)

Me: “The [Starter Phone]? Sure, what did you need in your plan?”

Customer: “I don’t know.”

Me: “Okay, well, do you talk a lot on your phone?”

Customer: “I don’t know.”

Me: “Well, how much do you think you talk on the phone? On average.”

Customer: “I don’t know! How would I know?! You tell me how much I talk on the phone!”

Me: “I have no way of knowing how much you talk on your phone, as I am not you.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t know how much I talk.”

Me: “Well, do you text or need access to internet?”

Customer: “I don’t know.”

(At this point, I’m just fed up and I give her two options for plans and ask her which one she thinks would suit her needs better.)

Customer: “This is too difficult! I just wanted to come in, get a phone with a plan and that’s it. You are giving me too many options! Just forget it” *stomps out in a huff*

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