The Machines Are Among Us

, , , , | Working | April 11, 2018

(I work for my parents in a family-run restaurant. Our debit machine is printing out faded receipts. My dad likes for me to call the bank who services the machine, because he doesn’t speak English too well, and I can translate for him after. We usually have small problems with this machine, so I’m used to the voice of the recorded messages and the choices that come from calling the bank. I am currently waiting for the next representative to help me.)

Phone Representative: “Hello, this is [Bank]’s Merchant Support Services and Supplies. How may I help you?”

(I’m thinking this is the same recorded message and that I should wait until the actual representative picks up to respond.)

Phone Representative: “Hmm, seems to be another pocket dial.”

Me: “Oh, my gosh! I’m so sorry; I thought you were a robot!” *facepalm*

Phone Representative: *starts laughing* “No, no, you’re talking to a real person. I’ve been around longer than all those robots. How can I help you?”

(He helped me with my problem smoothly, but during the call I felt so embarrassed. In my defence, he sounded just like the recording! He probably is the one who recorded the company’s phone greeting.)

Floored By Their Negligence

, , | Right | April 11, 2018

(A customer is purchasing a computer chair.)

Me: “What kind of floor is it going on?”

Customer: *all proud-sounding* “Hardwood!”

Me: “All right. Can I suggest some rubber casters, or a hardwood chair mat to put on your floor?”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “Because without one of those, your floor will get wrecked.”

Customer: “Why? What are the wheels that it comes with made of?”

Me: “Plastic. They’ll definitely scratch your floor.”

Customer: “Oh. No. I don’t care about my floor.”

Disproportionately Cents-less

, , , , | Right | April 11, 2018

(I am the manager of a chain bookstore location. Customers who purchase items on our website can return online purchases to any store location; we simply enter the order number into the register and the computer takes care of the rest by processing the refund amount to the original method of payment — credit card, gift card, etc. The customer gets a print-out to show that the return has been processed. On this particular day, I am on the floor when a cashier at the cash desk has just processed an online return for a customer.)

Cashier: “[My Name], can you help out with this?”

(I approach the cash desk.)

Me: “What can I help with?”

Customer: “I returned this online order, but the computer isn’t refunding the correct amount!”

(I look at the return print-out and see that the original purchase was $53.21, and the refund amount processed is $53.20. Starting to wonder if the customer is really upset over a difference of ONE CENT, I speak with the customer.)

Me: “I apologize. The computer must have rounded off the tax differently when it did the original purchase to when it calculated the refund amount.”

Customer: “So? It charged the one cent to my credit card! What are you going to do about it?!”

(Canada stopped using pennies a few years ago, so now our lowest coin in circulation is five cents. Realizing it’s pointless to even begin to argue with a customer over ONE CENT, I open the till and give the customer a nickel.)

Me: “Here’s five cents.”

Customer: *suddenly happy* “Thank you!” *she walks off*

(Over 15 years in retail and over five years as a manager, and that was the first time I ever had somebody upset over ONE PENNY!)

Sizing Up The Problem

, , , , , | Right | April 9, 2018

(I work in a coffee shop, and I have this conversation at least 30 times in a day.)

Customer: “Coffee.”

Me: “What size?”

Customer: “Cooooffeeee.”

Me: “Yes, what size?”

Customer: “Cooo-fffff-eeeee, crreeeeeeeeam and sugaaaar.”

Me: “Right, one extra-large with cream and sugar it is.”

Customer: “Wait, no! I wanted a small! I… Oh…”

Sausage Fe(a)st

, , , , , | Right | April 9, 2018

(I work in a butcher’s shop.)

Customer: “Do you have… It’s like a dog. But not a dog. It’s chicken!”

Coworker: “…?”

Customer: “It’s long!”

Coworker: *pauses to think* “Chicken sausage?”

Customer: “Yes!”

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