(In my high school, the most important sport is volleyball. The faculty treat our volleyball players, especially the senior boys team, like superstars — think the usual stereotype for high school football players. I’m not a volleyball player, or an athlete of any kind. I’m one of the nerds that is forced to endure getting taken out of class for pep rallies, and gets bullied, though thankfully by this point it isn’t too bad. It’s relevant to note that at the time I am big into “Star Trek.” After one rally, I decide to be slightly rebellious and yell, “Volleyball sucks!” as I leave the gym. Real mature, I know. The next day, I run into the senior boys volleyball coach.)

Coach: “[My Name], after the rally yesterday, did you yell, ‘Volleyball sucks’?”

Me: *pause* “Maybe.”

Coach: “How would you feel if people were to say, ‘Trekkies are gay’?”

Me: “They do say that.”

(All of a sudden, the tone of the coach changed, as she seemed concerned that her athletes were bullying people. I laughed it off, because at that point the insults weren’t aimed at hurting and were generally taken in good fun. Years later I thought about it and realized that the coach’s go-to insult was “gay.” Admittedly, that was a typical insult for immature teen boys at the time, but in hindsight, maybe the teacher should not have been promoting that?)

(I work at a chain restaurant. Corporate recently decided that there were too many dessert items on the dessert menu and discontinued a few of them. However, for some reason, one of the items they decided to do away with was the most popular dessert item at the location where I work. People have noticed it is not on the menu, asked if we still carry it, and when told no have started yelling at or getting very angry with us. This has been going on for over a week.)

Me: “And would any of you like dessert today?”

Customer: *looking intently at the menu* “I don’t see [dessert item] on the menu; don’t you carry it anymore?”

Me: *inwardly cringing* “No, I’m so sorry, but corporate decided to discontinue it. I don’t know why, because it was really popular. Is there anything else you would like to have, instead?”

(There is a long pause, and I’m afraid this customer is working themselves up to have the tantrum to end all tantrums. Then, they just let out this disappointed-sounding sigh.)

Customer: *looking dejected* “No, it’s fine. Thank you for telling me.”

Me: *surprised* “I can give you a free brownie, for the trouble.”

Customer: *still looking dejected* “No, it’s okay. I appreciate the offer, though.”

(They looked so sad for the whole time their dinner companion was eating dessert. I offered to give them a free brownie again, to go, after their bill came, but they still said no. To the customer: I’m sorry you were disappointed about the dessert, but I really appreciate that you didn’t yell at me. And it really was popular, so I hope they do bring it back!)

(I am a cashier in the express lane. I call the next customer in line to my cash register station. I am of Chinese descent.)

Me: “Hi, sir, how is your day?”

Customer: “Good. I want to price-match all these toothpastes for $2.00 each, and everything else is regular price.”

(He has about ten toothpastes and five other items in the cart.)

Me: “Sure, just let me check the date on the flyer and the toothpaste size.”

(The dates and sizes match the ones he chose.)

Customer: “I have ten coupons for $2 off each of these toothpastes, too.”

Me: “Can I see these coupons, please?”

Customer: “Sure.” *hands it to me*

(I notice the coupons are obviously photocopied and are blurry.)

Me: “Sir, these coupons are photocopies of the original.”

Customer: “Oh. I printed them off my printer.”

Me: “Well, I can obviously tell these coupons are reproductions, and they are invalid. Trying to use photocopied coupons is illegal, and it can be considered fraud, sir.”

Customer: “Well, how do you know they are fake?”

Me: “These are newspaper insert coupons, sir, and plus, they are really blurry.”

Customer: “Well, you know what? I didn’t know cashiers were so smart. I didn’t know you could see so well, because I can tell you are Asian.”

Me: “Well, obviously I proved you wrong, sir.”

Customer: “You know what? F*** you!”

(I don’t say anything. He leaves all his unpaid goods and his cart in front of my till, and I have to clean it up. He also leaves his fake coupons with me.)

Me: *shows coupons to one of my coworkers* “Look what this dumb customer did to me.” *I repeat this story and show her the coupons*

Coworker: “You should have told that dumba** to go f*** himself, too.”

(I work in a copy shop. Our self-serve machines run on credit cards or preloaded cards you can get at the cash registers. The following exchange happens far too often with different customers:)

Customer: “The copier won’t work! It says to put in a card!”

Me: “Yes, you need a credit card or a prepaid copy card.”

Customer: “I don’t have a credit card!”

Me: “Okay, then you put money on a copy card.”

Customer: “Why can’t I just make my copies and then pay you after?!”

Me: “Because the machines don’t work without a card.”

Customer: “But you should change it so I can pay you after!”

Me: “Yeah, but then people would just leave without paying for their copies.”

Customer: “I don’t think anyone would ever do that!”

(Yes, they would.)

(I explain our extended warranty to the customer.)

Me: “So, do you want that?”

Customer: *while shaking head no* “Yes.”

Me: “Okay… So… Yes?”

Customer: *while shaking head no* “Yes.”

Me: “Okay.”

(I grab the form for the warranty and start to put the sku in the till.)

Customer: “Don’t you understand?”

Me: “I guess not. Do you want the plan?”

Customer: *shaking head no* “YES!”

Me: “So… Yes, then? You want it?”

Customer: *shaking head no* “YES! Don’t you know what that means?”

Me: “No, I don’t.”

Customer: “No! IT MEANS NO!”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry, but you were shaking your head no but saying yes, so of course I would be confused.”