I was at the doctor’s office for my appointment, and I just got finished. When my Mom and I were up at the desk to schedule another appointment, the receptionist was on the phone. I don’t know how the conversation started, but the receptionist thought the person on the other end said “cellar.” After a few times, saying “cellar,” she realized that they said “SHOWER.”

So, she stated to the person, “Well, that probably explains why you were confused, when I said, ‘I hope you’re feeding her down there…'”

(I have just spent over an hour helping this woman find everything she wants in the sizes she wants. She has interrupted me every time I try to help another customer. She has changed her mind on all the items and what sizes will work multiple times before coming to the cash register, and then she’s gone through and changed a bunch of things again while holding up the line. I am extremely relieved that she has finally let me ring her through, and I keep shooting apologetic looks to the customers behind her.)

Me: “Your total is $165.42.”

Customer: “Okay…”

(She opens her purse and hands me five $20 bills. It takes me a moment to realise she isn’t searching for more money.)

Me: “So, that’s $100; I need $65.40.”

Customer: “Oh!”

(The customer reaches into her purse again and starts dropping $1 and $2 coins on the table, along with some other change. She makes no attempt to count this, just shoves it in my direction.)

Me: “Okay, so that’s… 2, 4, 6, 8, 10… 20… 30… 34.65…”

Customer: *getting agitated* “Fine, I’ll pay debit, and add that jacket on.”

Me: *after ringing in the jacket* “So… $195.25.”

(The customer does nothing; she doesn’t even take out her debit card.)

Me: “Did you want to put this cash towards it?”

Customer: *says nothing, just shoves the money in my direction again*

(I counted up the cash, needing paper to help me figure it all out, which apparently upset the customer, and when I told her what was owed on debit she looked surprised and told me to remove the jacket. The other customers in line were thankfully very nice about having to wait.)

(I work at a small children’s clothing store that prides itself on customer service. I’ve been working there long enough that I know generally how customers might react to different things, and can sometimes help them preemptively. A Chinese woman has just walked in with her husband and roughly three-year-old daughter, and they’ve immediately gone to the winter coats. Making a guess, I grab a couple coats that were put on hold earlier.)

Me: “Was it your mom who called earlier? Are you [Customer]?”

Customer: “Yes! How did you know?”

(The customer grabs the coats from me and speaks in Chinese while putting one on her daughter, looking at it critically and tugging at the bottom. I go and find a different style that’s shorter.)

Me: “Here, this one is shorter.”

Customer: “How did you know?”

(She switches back to Chinese, getting the girl to switch coats. The girl starts crying.)

Me: “If she really likes the other one, we can try the smaller size. I don’t think it will fit her for very long, though.”

(I hand her the smaller size in the original coat. The customer changes coats again. I think she agrees with me that it’s too small, since she switches back to the other coat. The girl is in tears again, and her mother begins carrying her while she and her husband look for something, still talking in Chinese.)

Me: “Mirror? At the back there.” *pointing*

Customer: “How did you know?”

(They find the mirror, and the girl stops crying, apparently liking this coat after all. I approach with a matching hat, gloves, and scarf. The little girl exclaims something that I assume is “kitty” in Chinese as she grabs the cat-ear hat out of my hand and tries to put it on. While her mom helps her with the hat, I grab a couple other items.)

Me: “If she likes cats, these are also good for winter.”

Customer: “How did you know?”

(Her daughter is now trying to carry all the cat-related items at once, but her little arms in the big puffy coat are making it difficult. Not seeing anything else I can help with, I go back to tidying the store until they approach the cash register, and I go back to help again.)

Customer: “Do you speak Chinese?”

Me: “No, sorry. I tried to learn once, but it was hard!”

(The customer seemed satisfied by this answer, maybe thinking I’d picked up a few words, and we had a little conversation about how different English and Chinese are while she checks out. Really, I tried and failed to learn to count in Chinese; body language and actions are just really easy to read sometimes.)

(I work nights at a hotel and am pretty used to the random types of people we get. This night I am sitting in the back office behind the lobby counter. We have an arcade right next to the lobby.)

Coworker: “There’s a couple of hookers with two guys, and they want to play pool.”

(I go to the side of the counter and look at the window’s reflection to see four people hanging out around the pool table. One of the girls is digging through her purse for change and the other looks like she is picking a wedgie when…)

Wedgie Girl: “I found a 20-dollar Canadian bill in my butthole!”

(I laughed so hard I had to go into the back and wipe the tears from my eyes.)

(I work in a cell phone kiosk. A customer comes in to reset his email password. He is an older gentleman and has mentioned in passing that he is married.)

Customer: *almost whispering* “So, those pop up ads with the cute girls… Those aren’t good, right?”

Me: “No, sir, they’re a scam.”

Customer: “Well, my friend said they were trying to steal from me.”

Me: “Yes, that’s correct.”

Customer: “Well, I just wanted to be sure. Are you sure I shouldn’t click on those pop-ups?”

Me: “Yes, I’m sure.”

Customer: “How do I see the p*rn in my email?”

Me: “…”