(I am talking to my cousin. We are talking about different bands.)

Me: “I’ve never been to a concert before, except Sesame Street Live when we were little.”

Cousin: “You went to that?!”

Me: “Yeah. You, I, [Other Cousin], [My Mom], and [Aunt] went when I was in preschool.”

Cousin:  “Really? I don’t remember that!”

Me: “Yeah. I love how I remember that, but I don’t remember where I put my water bottle I just opened…”

(I’m playing a multiplayer online game and my username is the same name as a super psychotic girl from an anime that would kill anybody who even looked at her boyfriend wrong. Because of this, I often act psychotic when killing or looking for people to kill in the games; some people even change their names to “my” boyfriend’s name and play along. My friends have grown used to this by now but still make jokes. Tonight, my friends and I are playing an innocent, no-killing, game when talking in a voice chat server instead of on the game itself.)

Me: *cheerfully* “I’m going to put the heads of my enemies on my wall!”

Friend: “You know, [My Name], sometimes I worry that [Character I’m named after] came out of the anime as a real life person and became you.”

Me: “Why would you be worried? You’re safe!”

Friend: “I’m worried about other people.”

Me: *cheery psycho mode* “As long as they don’t touch you, they won’t have anything to worry about either.”

(I’m on the other side of the country from my fiancé, while he’s packing up our apartment to move to the city I’m currently in. He has help, but it’s a hot July day and he’s boiling and frazzled and hungry and tired. At this point, we’re Skyping as he’s going through the last minutiae in the apartment to see what I want and what can be thrown away or left behind. The help he has is both sets of parents (his and mine). My parents are taking some of our boxes to their house for temporary safekeeping because we unfortunately reserved too small of a truck.)

Fiancé: “What about this? Do you want this?” *points the camera at a very warm blanket*

Me: “Well, yeah, but not right away.”

Fiancé: “Okay, that’s going with your mom.”

(This goes on for a few minutes, with him getting more and more frazzled as my mom and his dad ask him more questions.)

Me: “Honey? Honey? Honey?” *repeating myself until he hears me*

Fiancé: “Huh?”

Me: “Can you go into the bedroom?”

Fiancé: *confused* “What for?”

Me: “Just do it. And shut the door.”

Fiancé: *still confused, but goes into the bedroom and shuts the door*

Me: *lifts my shirt and flashes him*

Fiancé: *gets a big goofy grin on his face*

Me: “Feel better?”

Fiancé: *grinning* “A bit.”

Me: *fixes shirt* “Good.”

(We finished up sorting through what was left and then we got off Skype so they could clean the apartment and leave.)

(My fiancé and I are watching one of the season finales of Doctor Who. In this episode, the Doctor’s love interest has finally been reunited with him after having been stuck in a parallel world for two seasons. The last time they spoke, he tried to tell her he loved her but they were separated before he could. Now she has returned and is torn between the Doctor and a newly made ‘clone’ of the Doctor, who is equivalent in every way except that he’s human rather than a nearly immortal alien, so he can spend the rest of his human life with her if she chooses. To help her decide, she decides to ask both the ‘original’ doctor and the ‘clone’ doctor a question:)

Female Love Interest: “All right, both of you, answer me this. When I last stood on this beach — on the worst day of my life — what was the last thing you said to me? Go on, say it.”

The Original Doctor: “I said, ‘[Female Love Interest]…'”

Female Love Interest: “Yeah, and? How was that sentence gonna end?”

The Original Doctor: “Does it need saying?”

Female Love Interest: *turns to the clone* “And you, Doctor? What was the end of that sentence?”

(The clone Doctor whispers in her ear.)

My fiancé: *imitating the Doctor as he’s whispering* “Why, yes, my sonic screwdriver DOES have a vibrator setting.”

(Female Love Interest proceeded to fling her arms around the clone Doctor and kiss him passionately while I doubled over laughing.)

(I am having a conversation via Skype with a friend in Japan. I am very bad at speaking Japanese and she is almost as bad at speaking English. We’re hoping to exchange languages. I have asked her whether Japanese people think that American people are emotional.)

Friend: “Yes. Japanese people think that American people are…”

(She keeps repeating a Japanese word that I do not know. She cannot think of the English word for it. I see her start to type, obviously looking for a translation online.)

Friend: “Americans are…” *muffled English word*

Me: “What?”

Friend: “Americans are bigger!”

(I burst out laughing but hold my tongue, hoping that she does not mean it that way. She finds another translation):

Friend: “High-energy.”