Something For Nothing Or Nothing For Something, Part 2

, | Right | January 17, 2012

Customer: “Hi, I’d like a refund on [membership]. I never used it.”

Me: “No problem! Actually, I’m looking at your account here and it looks like you tried to buy it, but at the time, your credit card failed and so you never actually purchased it.”

Customer: “But I don’t have it.”

Me: “I know. It looks like you never bought it in the first place. I’m sorry about that.”

Customer: “But I don’t have it and I was never able to use it. So you’re not going to refund me?”

Me: “I can’t–”

Customer: “I can’t believe you’re refusing to refund me!”

Me: “I can’t refund you because you didn’t buy anything.”

Customer: “That’s ridiculous! Just put the money back on my card!”

Me: “I can’t put money back on your card because we never took any off.”

Customer: “I can’t believe you’re refusing to refund me! This is terrible customer service.”

Me: “Sir, you never bought anything. How can I give you back money we never took from you? Where would the money come from?”

Customer: “Just give it to me! Why is this so hard?”

Me: “Okay, can you look at your credit card and tell me the exact date that we charged you? If it turns out that your records are more correct than mine, I’m happy to refund you.”

Customer: “No! I’m not going to do that! Why should I check my credit card statement!?”

Me: “According to our records, you never bought anything. I can’t give you back money that you didn’t spend. If our records are wrong, I can refund you.”

Customer: “I’m not going to check anything! This is the worst customer service experience I have ever had! I can’t believe you’re giving me such a hard time over such a small amount of money!”

Me: “Actually, I’m giving you such a hard time over no money because you never bought anything.”

Customer: “Let me speak to your manager!”

 

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The Pot Calling The Blizzard White

, , , | Right | November 3, 2011

(I work for an online store that sells mostly shoes, bags, and other accessories. This particular Christmas, the weather conditions in the UK are so bad that almost all deliveries are delayed by several days.)

Me: “Hello, this is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “My package still hasn’t arrived. I ordered it almost five days ago. This is an outrage!”

Me: “I apologize. All orders are currently delayed due to adverse weather conditions.”

Caller: “Are you telling me I paid 4.50 for shipping and you can’t even deliver them to me before the 25th? This is unbelievable!”

Me: “I apologize for the delay. We will of course refund all shipping and handling costs.”

Caller: “You don’t understand. I want my order now! It needs to be here before Christmas! My daughter asked for those shoes specifically.”

Me: “Your order will most likely not arrive before Christmas, but I can have a look if these particular shoes are available in any stores near you.”

Caller: “Are you kidding me? How am I supposed to get to the store? I’m snowed in!”

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Between The Teen Computer Screen

, , , | Right | April 24, 2011

Me: *via online chat* “It’s just the date of birth that doesn’t match on your account. But I have the correct account pulled up here.”

Customer: “Maybe if I tried to make the account when I was very young, I might have claimed to be eighteen at the time. But the month and day would still be the same!”

Me: “…I see.”

Customer: “Yes. I know it was very wrong of teenager-me to claim to be an adult. However, I can hardly ground her at this point.”

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In A Mail Dominated Industry, Some Are Left Behind

, , , , | Right | April 27, 2010

(I’ve set up an elderly customer up with a paid public computer to use.)

Customer: “How do I get to my email?”

Me: “Who is your account with?”

Customer: “I don’t know. Who?”

Me: “You don’t know?”

Customer: “The email account doesn’t come with the computer?”

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They Don’t Know Jack

, , , , | Right | January 1, 2010

Customer: “This negative customer feedback uses someone’s name, so it should be removed.”

Me: *reading the comment* “Ma’am, the customer said, ‘Paying extra for shipping didn’t do jack.’ ‘Jack’ refers to a phrase, not a name.”

Customer: “Well, I’ve never heard that before. You say it’s a phrase, but to me it’s a name, and that’s personal information, and it should be removed.”

Me: “Well, is there someone in your organization named ‘Jack’?”

Customer: “No, there isn’t. I don’t know where she got that name from, but she’s up to something and you’re letting her get away with it!”

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