Getting A Psychic Out Of It

| Philadelphia, PA, USA | Related | June 12, 2014

(My cousin and I are Skyping each other. We’re both doing our own thing; she’s watching a video and I’m reading. The guy in her video says something funny.)

Me: *begins to laugh*

Cousin: “You know it’s really weird. You started laughing exactly at the same time the guy in the video said something funny.”

Me: “Well, duh. I was laughing BECAUSE he said something funny.”

Cousin: “Wait, but how could you hear it? I’m wearing headphones!”

Me: “Must be our psychic cousin bond. Quick, what number am I thinking of?”

Cousin: “Three?”

Me: “No.”

Cousin: “Seven?”

Me: “Yes!”

Cousin: “Quick, what book am I thinking of?”

Me:The Fault in Our Stars?”

Cousin: “No.”

Me:Divergent?”

Cousin: “Yep.”

Me: “It’s ‘cuz we’re cousins. Our psychic bond isn’t as strong.”

They’re On The Ball

| CT, USA | Related | June 9, 2014

(I’m Skyping with my parents and sister. My sister has been telling stories about what’s she’s learning in her nursing classes about the male reproductive system.)

Dad: “Remember that time I had an infection and my balls swelled up to the size of grapefruit? [Dad’s Brother] thought it was so cool he asked to take a picture!”

Me: “[Sister], are we that close? If you had grapefruit balls, would you allow me to take a picture?”

Sister: “I think I’d be surprised to find that I had balls at all…”

Discrediting That Opinion

| MD, USA | Friendly | May 29, 2014

(I know a pair of twin sisters who look alike and have the same last name. One even has a profile picture with the two of them. The following happens over a social networking site.)

Twin #1: “So [Twin #2] and I both applied for credit cards with [Bank]… She got approved for a $1000 dollar limit, and I only got approved for $300?!”

Twin #2: “They must know about your expensive [Clothing Store] addiction!”

Friend #1: “It depends on your age and your parents’ credit history, I think.”

Friend #2: “Um… [Twin #1] and [Twin #2] are twins. They have the same parents…”

Second Life, Same Bigotry

| USA | Right | March 17, 2014

(I create products for several virtual worlds. Please note that I’m male and so is my primary character. I also have a female character logged in for doing testing when I get a message from a customer.)

Customer: “I’m having problems with one of your products.”

Me: Can you describe the problem?”

Customer: “Well, I really need you to see. Can you come?”

Me: “Well, I have a screen full of programming and building, but I have a friend who I’m sure can help.”

Customer: “Okay, that will be fine.”

(I send my female character and never let on that it’s actually me. The problem gets resolved quickly and I bring my female character home. The customer messages me again.)

Customer: “YOU SENT A WOMAN!”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “Why did you send a woman?”

Me: “Well, did you two resolve the problem?”

Customer: “Yes, BUT IT WAS A WOMAN!”

(Punch-line? The customer was female, too!)

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Precious Family Moments, Part 2

| USA | Related | March 14, 2014

(I get a friend request on Facebook from someone with an identical name to mine, which is odd considering I have a fairly rare last name. After about an hour of messaging, we realize we’re distantly related.)

Me: “I’d heard that there were some relatives that moved away to California a long time ago, but we never really talked much about them.”

Relative: “So you never talked about the California [Last Name]’s?”

Me: “Nope, I guess you’re like the Sackville Bagginses.”

Relative: “Yep, totally related.”

 

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