It’s Time To Have A Little Chat

, , , , | Right | February 21, 2020

(I have been working in the support center for an online video game for barely three months when I get what can charitably be described as a customer complaint that upsets me. It says, simply, “[Other Player] is being a [racial slur] to me.” At the time, I am living with and romantically involved with someone of this ethnicity. I am displeased but resolve to power forward. I open the chat window.)

Me: “Hello! I understand you’re having a problem with another player.”

Player: “Yeah, [Other Player] is being a [racial slur] to me.”

Me: “I’ll thank you to not use that word again during this conversation.”

(Given the nature of the “complaint,” I’m not entirely certain if the player is trying to troll me or is trying, poorly, to report inappropriate behavior. I pull up his account history and pull his current chat logs to see.)

Player: “Why? Where I’m from, it just means an ignorant person.”

(The account history shows this player has received several account penalties for harassing the other person, each disputed by him but upheld. I also see the personal details of the account holder.)

Me: “I’m pretty sure that word means the same thing in Los Angeles as it does elsewhere.”

(The chat logs reveal my petitioner has in fact been continuing his harassment campaign toward the other player, who did not respond. I pull the current logs.)

Player: *to his friends, in another chat entirely* “I think I pissed off the CS rep.”

Me: *in response directly to him, in the chat between us* “Yes. You did.”

Player: “You can see that?”

Me: “As well as what you said to the other player, and what you’ve done to him before. I suggest you leave them alone, as they requested on [date of previous account penalty], and that you be more careful with your approach to others. This would ensure you remain in good standing and can continue to play.”

(The player pauses in his response, and does not chat with his friends, either.)

Player: “Okay. Sorry to bother you.” *to his friends in their own chat* “I think maybe we should leave [Other Payer] alone. It looks like [My Game Company] is getting serious.”

(I was never so happy to tell a customer no.)

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Like eBay, But Crap!

, , , | Working | February 17, 2020

(In the early days of my online business, I get lots of interesting “proposals.”)

Client: “Hey, [My Name]! I’ve got a business proposal I want to run by you.” 

Me: *immediately suspicious* “Okay… What’s the proposal?” 

Client: “I’m working on a website and you can get in on the ground floor. It will connect businesses with customers. It will be like eBay, but for [my industry].”

Me: “Okay, what would you provide that I can’t do on my website, word of mouth, social media, or [websites that already cater to my industry]?”

Client: “But it’s like eBay! Don’t you want more revenue?”

Me: “And how exactly are you going to pay for web server space? Advertising? Taking a cut of what I make? Charge for listings like eBay does?”

Client: “Oh, none of that. I would use the site to collect potential clients and refer them to people like you. All I’d ask is a 10% referral fee to keep the site going.”

Me: “Yeah, no. I already have more clients than I can handle on my own. I don’t think I’ll need your site.” 

Client: “But it’s like eBay!”

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Sales On Vulcan: Infinite Savings In Infinite Combinations

, , , , , | Right | February 17, 2020

(I work for a company that primarily sells its products online. We just had a 20% off sale that ran for a few days. It has been over for a week when I get this call.)

Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

Customer: “You guys never run any sales! Why don’t you run any sales?”

Me: “Well, we just finished up a 20% off sale last week and run sales all the time. Did you miss our emails and advertising about that sale?”

Customer: “No, I saw them, but 20% is nothing!”

(I take a moment to see what she normally orders and it looks like she would have saved about $25.00 on her regular order. I, of course, let her know this and let her know about upcoming sales.)

Customer: “Wait… You’re saying I could have saved $25.00? Why didn’t you tell me that when you sent the email for the sale?”

Me: “We did, in fact. The email said it was a 20% off sale.”

Customer: “But how am I supposed to figure out how much that is?”

Me: “Well, an easy way would have been to estimate your normal order at $100. 20% of that would be $20, so you know that you would have saved more than $20 on the purchase. In this case, it would have been about $25.”

Customer: “You should just put exactly how much I am going to save in the email!”

Me: “We could, but as every order is different, the amount saved will also be different.”

Customer: “Well, how am I supposed to figure that out? I don’t have a computer to figure that out!”

Me: “Do you have a calculator?”

Customer: “I don’t have that, either!”

(That’s when she hung up in anger, and when I got up to make some coffee and shake my head.)

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Step One: Read ALL The Letters In Each Word

, , , , , , | Right | February 15, 2020

My mobile provider had a Cyber Monday sale. The offer was only valid online. I had some questions, so I tried to log in to the chat function. I had two mandatory fields: name and contract number.

I finally figured out my contract number… and the field wouldn’t accept it. Frustrated, I turned to Twitter to get help. It took a couple of minutes, and then I was informed that it was “contact number,” not “contract number.”


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Just Wait Until They Start Playing “Monopoly”

, , , , , , | Learning | February 14, 2020

(I teach English to Chinese students online. The company I teach for uses a computer program with cute characters and games. In this particular lesson, I’m teaching the students how to haggle and bargain in English. One scenario has a character haggling for toys. The toys are around the $20 range.)

Me: “Okay, so, [Character] wants the toy train, but it’s too expensive. What should he say to lower the price?”

Student #1: “How about one dollar?”

Me: *laughs* “Okay, he can try that. Not sure if he’ll be successful.”

(I turn to another student)

Me: “Okay, [Student #2], now [Character] wants the toy plane. What should he say?”

Student #2: “How about zero dollars?”

Me: *laughs* “Okay, you’re right, but again, I don’t know if he’ll accept that.”

(The other students followed suit and most of the other “offers” through the rest of the lesson were either free or a few cents. While I’m glad that they understood the lesson and I got a laugh out of it, I hope they don’t try that in the real world. They’ll be completely disappointed if they do.)

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