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Littered With Demands

| Orlando, FL, USA | Crazy Requests, Popular, Transportation

(I’m moving out of the country, and so am selling/giving away 95% of my stuff. I have a very expensive automatic kitty litter box that retails at $400 that I’ve posted on Craigslist for free, as I don’t feel like dealing with cleaning it and selling it in the next 48 hours before my plane leaves. The post stipulates that the interested party must pick it up. This is a phone conversation.)

Woman Caller: “Hello, I’m calling about the kitty litter machine. Can you deliver it to my house?”

Me: “No, you must come pick it up. I live in [Town]. It retails for $400 new. I’m just too rushed to sell it before my plane leaves.”

Woman Caller: “But that’s 2 hours from me… Can’t you deliver it to my house?”

Me: “No. I would charge a $300 delivery charge.”

Woman Caller: “That’s too much! Why is it so much?”

Me: “Because I don’t want my car to smell like a litter box and I don’t have time to do it before my plane leaves. You can come pick it up for free, though.”

Woman Caller: “I don’t want my car to smell, either! What can we do to work it out?”

Me: “I’ll just give it to someone who will want to come to my house. Bye.”

(30 minutes later, another interested party picked it up.)

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Obituary Required For Common Sense

| Perth, WA, Australia | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Popular

(I work in online death notices. As we’re based in Australia, it’s worth noting from the outset that the caller had a Canadian accent.)

Caller: “Yeah, hi. I’m listed on your site, but I’m not dead.”

Me: “Oh no! Let me check this out for you. What name was it?”

Caller: “[Name].”

Me: “Yes, I see the listing. Just let me check something.”

(We do sometimes get incorrect notices for people who are alive, mostly imported from old archive records.)

Me: “This is strange; the listing was posted yesterday from [Funeral Home].”

Caller: “Well, it needs to come down.”

Me: “Where are you calling from, by the way?”

Caller: “[City] in Canada.”

Me: “Okay, well, this listing is for a [Name] from [Suburb of Sydney], so it’s not you.”

Caller: “But it’s my name!”

Me: “Yes, but this person had the same name.”

Caller: “People are going to Google me and think I’m dead. I’m applying for jobs, and I’m not going to get hired if people think I’m dead.”

Me: “I’m afraid I can’t remove the listing as the family of the deceased has requested it be online.”

Caller: “Can you change the name on the listing?”

Me: “No, if I did that the people who were looking for this person’s listing would not be able to find it.”

Caller: “I need a contact number for a family member for this guy. He must have had a nickname or something they can use.”

Me: “I’m sorry; I can’t give you that information. There’s nothing I can really do for you here. I’m sure any potential employer will understand you’re not dead.”

Caller: “I just don’t understand why my name is even there.”

Me: “It’s very rare for a name to be completely unique. If you keep Googling you’ll probably find a lot of people with your name.”

Caller: “Well, make it stop!”

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Asking Laboriously

| UK | Crazy Requests, Health & Body

(I run a small online business, and my most recent customer’s order has encountered a problem with shipping. While in the middle of trying to organise getting the customer’s item shipped to him, my partner starts going into labour. I throw together a quick message to the customer to explain the situation.)

Me: “Unfortunately you’re going to need to wait for an update on your orders shipping, as my partner has just started going into labour and I’m going to be preoccupied with that for the next day or two. Rest assured I’ll get back to sorting out your items shipping as soon as possible. Once again, sorry for the delay.”

Customer: “Okay.”

(Three hours later.)

Customer: “Hey, any update on my order?”

(I’m not sure what child-birthing he’s heard of that takes less than three hours to complete and for someone to get back to work after! He sent no less than five messages over the next 24 hours asking for further updates to his order.)

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