(I am required to ask to see a customer’s credit card and ID if they make a credit purchase over $25.)

Me: “Can I see your card and ID, please, sir?”

Customer: “If my father were here, he’d call you a b****.”

Me: “If your father were here, I’d ask him to leave.”

Customer: *blank stare*

Me: “I don’t tolerate that kind of language. Please leave.”

Customer: *glares at me awhile longer, but eventually leaves the store*

This story is part of our Swearing Customers roundup!

Read the next Swearing Customers roundup story!

Read the Swearing Customers roundup!

This story is part of our Perfect Comebacks roundup!

Read the next Perfect Comeback story!

Read the Perfect Comeback roundup!

(Our fast food outlet just started selling oatmeal yesterday.)

Me: “Welcome to our store. Would you like to try our fruit oatmeal today?”

Customer: “Wait, that actually sounds healthy. I’m confused.”

Customer: “Where are the pregnancy test kits?”

Me: “Over there, by the condoms.”

Customer: “If I knew where the condoms were, I wouldn’t need the pregnancy test!”

This story is part of the Pregnancy Roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

23 True Stories Of Misogynists Being Beautifully Reminded It’s The 21st Century

Read the next Pregnancy Roundup story!

Read the Pregnancy Roundup!

(After a fellow waitress has passed away, we have just returned from her funeral.)

Customer: “Oh, my gosh, we are so glad to see you here!”

Me: “Why?”

Customer: “We thought that it was you that had passed away!”

Me: *after thinking for a minute* “I didn’t see you at my funeral!”

This story is part of our Perfect Comebacks roundup!

Read the next Perfect Comeback story!

Read the Perfect Comeback roundup!

Me: “And how would you like that $500?”

Customer: “In one bill.”

Me: *trying to be nice* “Would five hundreds do?”

Customer: “No! One bill!”

(I give her five hundreds, and she throws them back at me. My supervisor comes over.)

Supervisor: “Problem?”

Customer: “Yes, he refuses to give me what I want.”

Supervisor: “There is no $500 bill.”

Customer: “Yes, there is!”

Supervisor: “Not since the late 1800s ma’am.”

Customer: “I remember seeing it!”

Supervisor: “Then might I say you look great for your age!”

This story is part of our Perfect Comebacks roundup!

Read the next Perfect Comeback story!

Read the Perfect Comeback roundup!