If That Doesn’t Work, Try Hogwarts

, , | Right | November 3, 2008

Customer: “Oi, you! I need a coat and it’s not here!”

Me: “Certainly, miss, do you have the catalogue number?”

Customer: “No! I’ve told you it’s not here!”

Me: “Okay, describe it.”

Customer: “I want one that will keep me dry and warm in winter, but cool in summer.”

Me: “Sorry, we don’t stock magic coats.”

Customer: “Well, where could I f***ing find one like it?!”

Me: “…Narnia?”

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Be Careful What You Ask For, Part 3

, , | Right | October 26, 2008

Me: “What can I get for you?”

Customer: “I want a small popcorn, and don’t try to upsell me a medium!”

Me: “Can I interest you in a large then?”

Customer: “I want to speak to your manager.”

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Just Another Day At Work

, , , , | Right | July 29, 2008

(It is Halloween; I am wearing clown makeup, a bright pink wig, and a bright orange shirt with our store’s logo on it in a HUGE font. A woman with a bible in one hand and a cross in another comes up to me.)

Woman: “Do you work here?”

Me: “…yes.”

Woman: “YOU WILL ALL BURN IN HELL FOR SELLING THESE ITEMS CELEBRATING SATAN’S HOLIDAY!” *turns to customers* “…AND YOU WILL BURN FOR SUPPORTING THEM!”

Manager: *over loudspeaker* “Thank you for shopping at [Store]! All items are now 6.66% off for the next 6 minutes, 66 seconds. Thank you, and have a nice day!”

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Buuuurn

, , , | Right | June 30, 2008

(A man shoves himself to the front of a long line of people.)

Me: “Sir, I’m afraid you’re going to have to go to the back of the line.”

Customer: “NO! I’m the Messiah!”

Me: “Wow. The Jews are in for a BIG disappointment.”

(He stood there for a second and shuffled to the back of the line.)

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Postal Paranoia

, , , , | Right | May 13, 2008

Me: “All right, ma’am. And may I have your zip code?”

Woman: “No.”

Me: “Well, it’s something I have to take. Don’t worry, we–”

Woman: “No!”

Me: “I, uh–”

Woman: “No! You’re not getting my zip code.”

Me: “Right. Because I’m going to TAKE that zip code and knock on the door of EVERY house in the code just to FIND YOU!”

(The customer left, but I felt a lot better.)

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