(I work in the children’s department, but since we are right next to a door, we often get people doing returns from other departments. It’s usually not an issue, especially if we’re slow. A woman and her husband come in with two bags.)

Customer: “Hi, can we do returns here? One is from men’s and the other is from the home department.”

Me: “Absolutely. Do you have your receipt?”

(She hands me the bag with men’s clothes and I start the return process.)

Customer: “As you can see, I paid off the charge with a check.”

(She has stapled the receipt from her account payment to the top of the receipt, which I know a lot of people do to avoid carrying a balance on their store card while still earning their rewards. However, she did pay for the items with her store card, and our return policy is to refund on the original form of payment, or give in-store credit.)

Me: “Okay, that return will be [amount]. Do you have your store card with you?”

Customer: “No, I should get cash back. I paid with a check, see?”

Me: “Well, no, you paid with your store card, and then paid the bill with a check. They’re two different transactions.”

Customer: “But I paid with a check, so I should get cash back. I’m thinking of closing my card, anyway.”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry to hear that, but I can only refund the money to the original form of payment or to in-store credit. I can get you the in-store credit, if you would prefer, but the system won’t let me return it any other way.”

Customer: “I don’t believe that. I paid it off with a check, so I should be getting cash back.”

(After a few more minutes of this, she and her husband decide to go back to the other departments to do the returns there and presumably complain about our return policy. I help a few other customers and clean up, and fifteen minutes later the customer returns with the men’s clothing.)

Customer: “I guess I understand now. Just go ahead and do the return.”

Me: “Not a problem.”

(I’m still not sure how she thought the two separate transactions would have been linked that way.)

(Our store has a rewards program attached to its store credit card, sending exclusive coupons to card-holders. Because they are exclusive to card-holders, only a store credit card can be used as payment when using the coupons. I have a woman in my line who has used one, and pulls out her debit card.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but you do have to use your store card to use this coupon.”

(This usually isn’t an issue, since it is printed on the coupons themselves.)

Customer: “Oh, you guys make this so difficult! I just want to use one card for everything and keep it all together! Why is it so hard to just buy things anymore?”

(As she’s complaining, she searches her wallet but doesn’t find her card.)

Me: “We can look up your account; it only takes a second. Here, put your social into the pin-pad, please.”

Customer: “The whole thing? Can’t you look it up by phone number?”

Me: “Uh… No, it has to be by social; that’s the only way to look it up from our end.”

Customer: “I am not putting my number into this thing.”

Me: “Well, I’m really not sure what else we can do.”

Customer: “I’m going to write it down, and you type it in on your end. Then you can give the paper back to me.”

(I just sort of stand there, flabbergasted that she thinks giving a stranger a physical copy of her SSN is safer than typing it into a machine where no one else sees it. I take the paper once it’s written down, making sure to keep it hidden from anyone else but myself, and type it in. One of the numbers could be a four or a nine, and I can’t tell with her handwriting.)

Me: “Ma’am, could you tell me which number that is?”

Customer: *looks around at the customers behind her and leans in close, whispering* “It’s a four.”

(I could barely hear her answer, but typed it in and was able to complete the transaction. I understand being concerned about someone skimming the pin-pad for that sort of thing, and we check them every day to make sure that isn’t happening, but I still cannot grasp why creating a physical copy and letting a stranger look at it and type it in is any better.)

(I am a huge “Game of Thrones” geek, and have just finished a ramble about how it’s likely that Daenerys will die during the War for the Dawn and Jon Snow will take the Iron Throne.)

Mom: “For the sake of peace in this house, I hope Jon does end up on the Iron Throne. Otherwise, you will be angry and ranting about it for months.”

(I stare at her for a good ten seconds.)

Me: “I really want to be offended by that… but I can’t; you’re absolutely right.”

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(My sister is grocery shopping when a man comes up to her. She’s wearing a shirt with an AC/DC logo.)

Man: “Hey, miss, are you wearing an AC/DC shirt?”

Sister: “Yes?”

Man: “Kids, using real music to look cool. Do you even listen to AC/DC?”

Sister: “Actually, I love classic rock. I think it’s because when I was a baby, my dad would give me my bottles while watching Headbangers Ball on MTV2.”

Man: *pauses* “Your father is a good man.”

(While I’m in college, I waitress at a dine-in movie theater. One evening, I have a couple of teenage boys in my section. Because they’re sitting weirdly far apart and keep exchanging nervous glances, I ping them as an adorable couple, albeit one that hasn’t spent much time together in public, as this is in a conservative state.)

Me: “Hi, I’m [My Name], and I’ll be your server this evening. Can I get you anything to drink while you look over our menu?”

Boy #1: “I’ll take a root beer.”

Boy #2: “[Soda], please.”

Me: “And will that be together or separate?”

(Both freeze slightly, but [Boy #2] reaches over and takes [Boy #1]’s hand.)

Boy #2: “To… together. We’re together.”

Me: *deliberately nonchalantly* “I just need to know if you’re getting separate checks.”

(Both visibly relax and move closer to each other.)

Boy #2: “One check, please. He paid for the tickets, so I’m getting dinner.”

Me: “Solid plan. We’ll have those drinks right out for you.”

(I make sure to go above and beyond with them, and each time I see them, they look more comfortable. By the time I go to cash them out, [Boy #1] is curled up on the seat with his head in [Boy #2]’s lap.)

Boy #2: *signs credit card slip and returns it* “Hey, miss? You were excellent. Thank you.”

Me: “Are you kidding? You’re the cutest couple I’ve ever seen. You made my night. Possibly my week. Enjoy the show.”

(Three years later, I still randomly think about the Extremely Cute Couple, and I hope they’re still together.)

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